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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not invite “Randy Mandy”

276 replies

Jusrollinstones · 19/07/2022 10:07

AIBU to not invite to a BBQ a woman who is chasing my DH?

I’m organising a BBQ at my house for my walking group. A few months ago at the pub, one of the women got drunk and threw herself at my DH. I wasn’t there but DH told me immediately, and friends who saw it also told me. Since then she has tried to flirt with him at every opportunity. She has messaged him and he showed me the message and that he has blocked her. She has also bad mouthed our marriage, saying to a few friends that DH has confided in her that he’s not happy at home and she thinks she is in with a chance with him. Friends have said she makes a habit of this with married men and call her something similar to “Randy Mandy”.

I don’t want to exclude one person in the group from the BBQ, but I really dislike this woman. AIBU to not invite her? DH wont be there.

OP posts:
DenholmElliot1 · 19/07/2022 10:08

It's your party so you get to decide the guest list.

Angelinflipflops · 19/07/2022 10:08

Fuck no, don't invite her, whys your dh so friendly with her?

Shoxfordian · 19/07/2022 10:09

Yanbu to not invite someone you don’t like and who is trying it on with your husband

LaTangerina · 19/07/2022 10:09

You'd be crazy to invite her! She'd think you were a total mug.

Luxa · 19/07/2022 10:09

Can you find out if she's going on holiday, and arrange the barbecue for when she's away?

yonce · 19/07/2022 10:09

I mean tbh I'd exclude her! It'd be embarrassing dealing with the fall out of that sort of thing tbh!

Icanstillrecallourlastsummer · 19/07/2022 10:09

I would not invite someone to my house who openly was telling people she had a shot with my husband. You reap what you sow and all that.

A bunch of adults calling another woman Randy Mandy (or similar) is pretty pathetic though.

DorritLittle · 19/07/2022 10:10

Um, no of course it isn't unreasonable!

ChagSameachDoreen · 19/07/2022 10:10

Invite her and if she comes on to your DH, do a roundhouse on her.

IncompleteSenten · 19/07/2022 10:10

Not at all unreasonable.

Your husband needs to tell her he wouldn't fuck her with someone else's.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/07/2022 10:11

Of course you don't invite her. How is this even a question?

courtrai · 19/07/2022 10:11

You'd be mad to even consider it. Should she ask why give her a few home truths

potniatheron · 19/07/2022 10:11

Absolutely exclude her. Apart from anything, it wouldn't be fair on your husband as he'll have to spend the evening fending off her advances.

Adults who can't hold their liquor and don't know how to behave when drunk are terrible party guests anyway.

SnowyPetals · 19/07/2022 10:11

I wouldn't invite her. She has already changed the etiquette of your social group so go ahead and do the same. I would exclude someone who behaved like she is.

BrokenToy · 19/07/2022 10:13

I don’t understand why this is even a question.

ILikeHotWaterBottles · 19/07/2022 10:14

No don't invite her. She sounds like a right bitch, so she deserves what she gets.

MrsSkylerWhite · 19/07/2022 10:14

Angelinflipflops · Today 10:08
Fuck no, don't invite her, whys your dh so friendly with her?“

he isn’t?
he’s blocked her and told OP about each incident.
this is entirely on the embarrassing woman.

Original poster
Jusrollinstones · 19/07/2022 10:16

Aquamarine1029 · 19/07/2022 10:11

Of course you don't invite her. How is this even a question?

Other threads have had people saying it is wrong to not invite one person from a group. And one of my friends in the group said the same.

OP posts:
CrotchetyQuaver · 19/07/2022 10:17

No definitely exclude her and you'll all have a much better time without her there, she's probably tried it on with other husbands too

Steelesauce · 19/07/2022 10:18

Of course you don't invite her. If anyone else asks why you say 'don't be silly Julie, my husband had to block her because she kept harassing him, why would I invite that nutter?'

And if she confronts you, you go straight in with home truths.

Dont be a wet wipe 🤣

Steelesauce · 19/07/2022 10:20

Then again, I'd be tempted to invite and take the piss out of her the whole night but I'm quite immature 🙃

Fatballs · 19/07/2022 10:20

You could invite her and get your husband to make a general announcement at the start that he has no interest in her whatsoever.

Original poster
Jusrollinstones · 19/07/2022 10:20

Luxa · 19/07/2022 10:09

Can you find out if she's going on holiday, and arrange the barbecue for when she's away?

This is a good idea, but she doesn’t seem to have any holiday plans.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jusrollinstones · 19/07/2022 10:22

Icanstillrecallourlastsummer · 19/07/2022 10:09

I would not invite someone to my house who openly was telling people she had a shot with my husband. You reap what you sow and all that.

A bunch of adults calling another woman Randy Mandy (or similar) is pretty pathetic though.

I know it is a bit pathetic, but so is her behaviour

OP posts:
LuckyLil · 19/07/2022 10:23

Jusrollinstones · 19/07/2022 10:16

Other threads have had people saying it is wrong to not invite one person from a group. And one of my friends in the group said the same.

Show quote history

It's not about what other people say. Is she a personal friend? No. Do you like her? No. Why then is this an issue? I'm not in the habit of inviting people into my home for a barbecue who I don't like and aren't my friend. Someone needs to send out the message that her behaviour with your husband is pathetic and you're only going to make her even worse if she can then delude herself she's been in his house.