AIBU to not invite “Randy Mandy”

[Jusrollinstones]

AIBU to not invite to a BBQ a woman who is chasing my DH?

I’m organising a BBQ at my house for my walking group. A few months ago at the pub, one of the women got drunk and threw herself at my DH. I wasn’t there but DH told me immediately, and friends who saw it also told me. Since then she has tried to flirt with him at every opportunity. She has messaged him and he showed me the message and that he has blocked her. She has also bad mouthed our marriage, saying to a few friends that DH has confided in her that he’s not happy at home and she thinks she is in with a chance with him. Friends have said she makes a habit of this with married men and call her something similar to “Randy Mandy”.

I don’t want to exclude one person in the group from the BBQ, but I really dislike this woman. AIBU to not invite her? DH wont be there.

Have you posted about her before? I would as other posters say invite her and show her she is no threat to you both....

Why would you even consider inviting her?? 🙄

And also....when she comes, be extra nice to her. That will take the wind out of her sails.

You can easily turn this around by seeing her as a rather pathetic woman, with issues, rather than a threat.

Can't you see that if you exclude her, she will see it as a kind of triumph that's she's 'got to you'?

She will take you for an absolute doormat if you invite her - she already is. You don’t need to ‘do’ anything, just don’t invite her. She’ll know why. If you’re worried she’ll try to make it awkward by asking or inviting herself, rehearse saying something like this so you don’t get caught off guard:
”You’re embarrassing yourself and making my husband very uncomfortable with your behaviour. He’s blocked you and you need to respect that.”

I wouldn't invite her. If she asks, make it clear why.

The women in question is an apex predator with no morals at all. I think you all need to circle the wagons tbh.

Why won't your DH be at the party? If she finds out he's elsewhere she might track him down, whereas if you invite her to party you know he's safe and she'll be gutted at the wasted opportunity!

If your dh isn't going to be there - invite her, then tell her privately that he is not there to avoid her embarrassing behaviour but you felt sorry for her!

It's obvious!

To show that she isn't remotely worried about her H being 'stolen'!

It's all about re-framing this.

Women like Mandy thrive on drama. If the OP doesn't treat her any differently to the rest of the walking group, Mandy will be confused.

If she is excluded, Mandy will think she IS in with a chance and take it as proof the OP feels insecure.

Invite her.

Be kind to her.

Feel sorry that she has to chase married men.

Ask her about her own romantic life and if she has a partner, or wants one.

This will end her fantasy about bagging your H far more than putting her in the naughty corner (metaphorically.)

If you see her regularly at your walking group either you or preferably your dh (if he goes to same group) should take her aside and find out what is going on and tell her you find it immature and disrespectful. It might have been misplaced jokes, chinese whispers, but whatever it is at least you will all know where you stand.

Or invite her and give her meat that isn't thoroughly cooked having been left out for too long....

Such a shame if she got ill....

Muahahahaha 😂

Don’t wait until she’s on holiday. Go right ahead and exclude her. If she want to know why, tell her. If others want to know why, tell them. Your DH needs to respond more assertively to her and tell her what he thinks of her, preferably publicly, if she flirts with him again. The clearest message needs to come from him. Her behaviour needs to have social consequences, not a group tiptoeing around her. Ignore the person who says it’s unfair to exclude her, as others have said, she’s created her own exclusion.

I’m sorry, what? Why the hell should you plan an event around someone you don’t wish to invite and when they may or may not be away. Plan it, invite who you want. If (likely given her previous behaviour) she asks why, tell her. I can’t really understand why this is even a question.

You would have to be an absolute doormat to invite her.....have some respect for yourself and your husband, why on earth would you invite someone that makes him feel uncomfortable into his home?

I simply would not invite her and if anyone asks (including her) I would calmly say that she's made DH feel so uncomfortable that he's had to block her so she is not welcome in your home. End of!

Let's stop saying "flirting with other people's husbands" as though it's a bit of light, consensual banter and call it what it is - sexual harassment. What would we be saying if a woman had asked for advice because her husband insisted on inviting his friend round who continuously made her feel uncomfortable with his pervy pestering? People would rightly be up in arms that he wasn't prioritising her safety and security in her own home. Don't invite her. She's a dick and it isn't okay to sexually harass people whatever your sex.

Apart from anything, it wouldn't be fair on your husband as he'll have to spend the evening fending off her advances.
THIS!!!

I can’t believe anyone would consider inviting someone around who is sexually harassing their partner! Surely your husband said “fuck no” when you asked him about inviting her? If not, I’d be wondering if there was more to his version of events when she “threw herself” at himz

@LaLoba Couldn't disagree with you more.

The 'doormat' would be the wife who felt so insecure or angry about this pathetic creature of a bunny boiler that she felt the need to exclude her, rather than treating her as a non-entity.

(BTW IME, walking and drama groups are, for some women, purely seen as places to meet men.)

I want to know what the "something similar" to Randy Mandy is?

Horny Dawnie?
Cock Craving Aisling?
Vickers No Knickers?
Panties Gone Yvonne?
Eva The Stealer?

You need to be more assertive. She has bad mouthed you and respects you so little that she thinks she can get it on with your hubby and still be invited to your party.

Tell her straight. Don't be a wet lettuce!

@DaisyStPatience Please stop comparing flirting in a walking group situation with sexual harassment. That is a completely ridiculous thing to say and undermines women (or men) who are really sexually harassed.

If every person who had ever flirted was accused of SH what a weird world it would be.

FFS

There was another thread saying not to exclude one child on her own from a party.

I think this is a bit different OP🙂

It really depends how you look at it, for me if someone is going to behave so disrespectfully towards me/relationship why would I invite them to my house and feed them? It's not because I would be worried or jealous, I trust my husband, it's because I don't want to surround myself with people like that 💁

Feel sorry for her if you want OP but @JinglingHellsBells you’re doing a lot of guessing about how this woman will respond and why should @Jusrollinstones mess around trying to double bluff the woman? She’s not a threat but that doesn’t mean she can’t be closed down. Where’s the triumph in social exclusion? Where the triumph in (hopefully) Mr Justrollinstones saying “look Love, can you piss off. I’m not remotely interested in you and you’re making a tit of yourself”.

Doncaster, bendy Wendy?

I agree with PP who said imagine if this was the other way round! A man in th grips is texting you inappropriately, has come into you in the pub and is telling people your marriage is over. There’s not a chance in hell you’d invite him to a BBQ.

There was a woman like Randy Mandy in our village, outwardly flirtying any man she fancies, to the extent people didn’t want to go in the pub any more. She has caused huge issues (including police involvement), she was married at the time too. People now wish they’d just been honest with her at the very beginning and told her to stop behaving in such an unhinged manner.