AIBU to not invite “Randy Mandy”

[Jusrollinstones]

AIBU to not invite to a BBQ a woman who is chasing my DH?

I’m organising a BBQ at my house for my walking group. A few months ago at the pub, one of the women got drunk and threw herself at my DH. I wasn’t there but DH told me immediately, and friends who saw it also told me. Since then she has tried to flirt with him at every opportunity. She has messaged him and he showed me the message and that he has blocked her. She has also bad mouthed our marriage, saying to a few friends that DH has confided in her that he’s not happy at home and she thinks she is in with a chance with him. Friends have said she makes a habit of this with married men and call her something similar to “Randy Mandy”.

I don’t want to exclude one person in the group from the BBQ, but I really dislike this woman. AIBU to not invite her? DH wont be there.

Please excuse typos!

Hell no!

Very odd that a friend of yours thinks it’s wrong to exclude this woman, when she’s trying to break up your marriage and cause you pain.

You don’t owe her anything. Why should she be able to behave like this and you have to keep calm and carry on, as though everything is fine? Don’t invite her. Should send a clear message to her.

Goodness I went through similar with a neighbour it was relentless.

At first I didnt realise 🤦‍♀️ I thought she was friendly but then she was just talking to dh like I was invisible then every time he was in the garden she was suddenly there. She started asking for ‘favours’ car things or diy help. Then she was clearly flirting. Asking dh was he happy with his life etc

Dh felt uncomfortable and we decided that each time she text asking a favour that I would go instead of him ! After 14 (FOURTEEN!!!) occasions where I helped her with her car or diy instead she gave up her face each time it was me at the door not dh was priceless. I then was pregnant with dd and she text him to say ‘are you sure that’s what you want ??’ He blocked her and 4 months later she moved !!

maybe it's all bark and no bite with her?

Invite Her...
Call her out while you are all in the group together!!
Tell her point blank you and your husband are very happy.
Thank the other for telling you also.
Open & Honest

Let her know H blocked her too.

#Boundaries

Do you and your DH want her in your house? There's your answer.

How is this even a question you need to canvas opinion on? Of course you don't invite the woman who's try to shag your beloved.

the 'randy mandy' moniker is desperate 1980's Sunday Sport stuff tho.

She made a move on the OPs husband

Other threads have had people saying it is wrong to not invite one person from a group. And one of my friends in the group said the same

well yes because often the reasons on mn for excluding 1 person are petty and it's cruel but if this woman is openly trying it on with your dh then it's inappropriate behaviour.

Randymandy is a great nickname if it was true

You’d invite someone who was harassing your partner to your house? This isn’t just OP being “insecure” this seems like unwanted advances so bad it got to the point she wouldn’t take no for an answer and ops DP had to block her.

I respect and love my partner, and want him to feel comfortable and safe in his own house, not have the opportunity to be breezy and unbothered by some desperate woman. But if you don’t that’s you, just a weird stance to take.

I don't even understand why you would go to these lengths, why couldn't your DH just say No when she asked him to help her?

Sorry just to add, it all seems like a battle between 2 women for your husbands affection rather than him just shutting her down straight away

Don't invite it and I'd be tempted to let her know what an embarrassment she is and how everyone calls her randy mandy and laughs behind her back.

Some people might say that's a nasty thing to do but so what? She's trying to shag your husband and is gossiping about the state of your marriage. You don't owe her nice and aren't obligated to be kind to someone willing to stab you in the back

Reminded me of something Pamela would say in Gavin & Stacey.

I love Pamela.

Don't invite her up that's sending a clear message of stay away from me,my dh and my home.even though your dh won't be there you can't trust her to not be bad mouthing you and probably snooping in your home.
be strong.stop over thinking it.

Because we wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt for a while. She seemed to be struggling with no other support and had 2 dc. It could very well have been genuine so either of us helping then would have been ok for her it just unfortunately was that she wanted dh round !

Exactly. The thread is amusing me though.

No don’t invite her. You’ll be on edge and it will spoil what is supposed to be a nice gathering. And if she asks why not invited be direct and tell her her attitude stinks!

God no, I wouldn’t be inviting this woman.

Your husband doesn’t seem to have made it overtly clear that he’s not interested - is he enjoying being the subject of her lust?

Exactly.

I would be clear why she isn't invited if anyone asks. You don't need her drama and you certainly do not need to host someone who has spoken badly about your relationship and trying to go off with your husband! My goodness.

If this predatory behaviour / harassment was from a man no one would be saying to invite her. If you aren't willing to confront her then simply don't invite her. No one has to put up with this and if she feels left out, well, maybe she will realise behaviour has consequences. The group seem to be making light of it - you owe no-one an explanation, but if they want one you have a perfectly good reason. Say you are still waiting for an apology!

But it's not just flirting is it.
She "threw herself" at him which implies more than flirting and often means an attempt at sexual contact ie kissing, touching etc.

Also telling people that you have a chance with someone is more than flirting, it's intense and uncomfortable for everyone unless it's true.

And texting to the point of being blocked, to me OP is implying that the texts were inappropriate (why would you block someone who was just being chatty).

No means no regardless of your sex so if she is still chasing after the DH even after he has said no, I'd certainly say that's harassment.

Of course you don't invite her. She has made your husband feel uncomfortable to the point he has had to block her. The fact that he won't be at the party is irrelevant, and if this was me being made to feel uncomfortable I would be very pissed off if my partner had the person in my house the moment my back was turned.

Forget silly games, forget making it look like you're bothered it you don't invite her, killing her with kindness etc etc, fuck all that silly shit. She has behaved inappropriately, so why on earth would you invite her to what is supposed to be a nice event.

And as for being called Randy Mandy - sounds like it is a well deserved title so I don't think your friends are pathetic at all for calling her that. I assume the one person in your group who thinks it's mean to exclude her would not be saying that if old randy mandy was chucking herself at her partner.

Besides the point but.....has your husband confided her or is she making that up? It she is, I would be calling her out at that, in front of all the group.