AIBU to not invite “Randy Mandy”

[Jusrollinstones]

AIBU to not invite to a BBQ a woman who is chasing my DH?

I’m organising a BBQ at my house for my walking group. A few months ago at the pub, one of the women got drunk and threw herself at my DH. I wasn’t there but DH told me immediately, and friends who saw it also told me. Since then she has tried to flirt with him at every opportunity. She has messaged him and he showed me the message and that he has blocked her. She has also bad mouthed our marriage, saying to a few friends that DH has confided in her that he’s not happy at home and she thinks she is in with a chance with him. Friends have said she makes a habit of this with married men and call her something similar to “Randy Mandy”.

I don’t want to exclude one person in the group from the BBQ, but I really dislike this woman. AIBU to not invite her? DH wont be there.

No don't invite her.

If anyone else pushes it, say she tried it on with my DH.

This. I find it extraordinary that you have to ask this question tbh.

If this was reversed and a man was sexually harassing a woman, this wouldn't even be a question.

I hope you don't have a pet rabbit.

Dont invite her and when she asks you why tell her it’s because she keeps flirting with other peoples’ husbands. Shame her. It’s not your issue it’s hers.

Don’t invite her and, if she asks why, tell her the facts calmly and politely.

OP doesn't need to worry about being the bigger person.
She already is, by dint of not flinging herself at married men.

No I would not bloody invite her.

I don't care if it's excluding one person. She's not a primary school child. Another woman throwing herself at my husband can get to fuck!

It’s not wrong when that one person from the group has behaved like this, and if your friend was at the pointy end of it, she’d think the same. This woman wouldn’t get over my doorstep again for a barbecue or anything else. Given that she’s part of the wider group and you can’t avoid her company outside I would maybe discuss with your DH how he feels about you confronting her if you see something you don’t like. I would HAVE to say something to her anyway - I would want it clarified in front of others that there is nothing wrong with my marriage and her claims that your husband has confided as such in her is a lie.

It's wrong to exclude one person when they haven't done anything wrong and have an event in secret-that's bullying. It is perfectly right to not invite someone when you have a legitimate reason. You don't have to hide it, you can be open and tell everyone, including her, why.

If course you don't invite her and if she asks why then tell her it's because she's shamelessly chasing a married man and needs to fuck off!!

I wouldn't exclude one person if they were just not my kind of person. (Too loud, hyper, dull etc).

But for a woman who has been deliberately rude about you and inappropriate to your dh it is absolutely fine to exclude her.

I am sure no one in the group would consider it strange/rude not to invite her in the circumstances. Only a complete mug would do so.

😂Me and my Friends must be so immature. I think Mandy has earned her name - Randy Mandy. Bless her!

Definitely not.

She'd probably sneak upstairs and steal his underwear.

Of course you don't invite her. And don't wait until a time when you know she can't come, just have it when you want and tell her why she is not invited. She is sexually harassing your husband, it's totally inappropriate, makes him and other feel uncomfortable and is totally rude.

People need to be called out for their bad behaviour. She doesn't give a shit about upsetting you, DH or anyone else.

Probably.

Randy Mandy seems to have no shame.

🖕this

Of course YANBU to not invite a woman who not only threw herself at your husband but has lied about your relationship to other people. Who gives a fuck if she's the only one excluded, actions have consequences and these are hers

If you do shit like this you don't get invited to stuff!

It's consequences.

The only reason you're questioning yourself is because your OH didn't respond! If he had and RM had got her way, you definitely would NOT be inviting her!

She's caused this. Not you.

Absolutely do this.

Why would you do that though? These fuckers get away with bad behaviour because people are too polite/afraid to call them out, don't invite her and if she or anyone else asks tell them why you're not, might stop her from acting like a cunt in future

This is like a question from a problem page of the 1960s!

Of course you should invite her.

Invite her, show she's not a threat, be loving and attentive towards your DH and show how happy you are together as a couple.

You know the saying "Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer".

The best thing is to totally ignore the 'play' she's made, rather than stoking the fire.

If she IS after him, the best response is to treat her as if she is no threat rather than play into her hands because she will perceive the snub as you being defensive (and she may well like the thrill of a chase.)

Absolutely NOT unreasonable

And if she asks why she isn't invited, tell her. Tell anyone who asks.

Don't be embarrassed by her shitty behaviour

Invite her, show she's not a threat, be loving and attentive towards your DH and show how happy you are together as a couple.

That sounds like something a teenager would do tbf, like marking her territory, why even bother bringing her to make some sort of a show for her? Why not just not invite toxic people to your home?

Invite her, show she's not a threat, be loving and attentive towards your DH and show how happy you are together as a couple.

Her husband won't be there and it won't make an ounce of difference to her - she already knows they're a happy couple.