Just seen a guy I am seeing holding hands with another girl

[Topcat9876]

First time poster.
Long time lurker.
need a bit of a hand hold really.

I am 35 year old never married and childess woman

just as the subject says really
met a guy on Bumble in April - great dates and chat and was due to see him again this week. We slept together after a couple of months.

I just tested positive for covid and had to come to wfh early - I work in health care so in work 12 hour shifts until at least 7/8. He stays quite close to me. I drove home at 2pm. As I drove up my road To home I seen him and he was holding hands with a woman. He seen me (he knows my car) and he just had a blank expression on his face.

obviously I will never be meeting up with him again but AIBU to just block him or should I say something? What a waste of time. Feel stupid being upset and having a little cry.

I am at the stage of giving up humiliating myself by even trying to date. I always seem to be a second choice or a comedy shag for men.

But they might not be a couple
We should let the men be free and live their lives! Who are we to ask for monogamy - they are clearly the prize to be free to roam! They deserve the benefit of the doubt always! You do not want to be needy and expect anymore!

🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

That woman or some other poor fucker is going is stuck, unknowing, with a lying cheat as a partner. You are not. That's a win, a bullet dodged.

If he lives (part-time).so close to you, I'd imagine he's been wandering around your immediate area plenty of times before with this woman (or another). As you say, he relied on your shifts and chance not to cross paths with you.

Why are you describing yourself as a never married, childless woman?

Like those are crucial facts.
Like we're stuck in victorian "spinster" culture.

What does it matter if you haven't been married or have to date. Lots of people never marry, whether they are in love and have kids or not.

Lots of people don't have kids. 35 is not any ahe not to have kids if you'd like them. The average and for first time motherhood is around 31 now, I think.

*whether they are in ltr's

Anyway, to quote Tay Tay "and the players gonna play, play, play, play ...".

Nothing much in relationships is shitter than being in a "relationship" with a player.

If he cheats and lies, he will always always be a risk for that.

That is poor quality, discard non relationship ship material.
That is "fuck for fun - if he's good enough in bed" material..... you had him; he's no use (and too high risk) for anything else.

Incidentally his non flustered, cold as ice reaction to seeing you suggests this is not his first rodeo, this is his MO.

@LooseGoose22 thanks for that - hes does appear hopeless but at least the sex was good. Also the lengths he went to court me is quite extraordinary - fancy meals, cooking like a chef lol. What a waste of his money and time etc. Weird

Block him and get out and join some groups and meet people that way. It's so difficult to gauge someone online, and so many men are on there for hookups. If you are out and about doing things you will come into contact with people and hit it off properly.

Totally agree - and even the way he approached me on the app / started dating me in hindsight was slick AF. I recon he does it when the long term partner is not around - in different cities and just does it for sex really. But she is the 'one' and he just has mistresses all over.

These guys just send out messages to woman - I think they do risk assess them - professional woman who work all the time is probably a great type - and whoever bites ends up in this situation.

I know I mentioned the Universe and I dont know if people think I am mad for believing in it but this morning I am Wfh and there was a white feather on one of my plant pots 💚 I have never seen a feather in my flat before. Angel looking out for me past day or so 🥺

I'd still be intrigued to see what he has to say for himself before blocking him.

But they might not be a couple

On MN, for some bizarre reason, thete is always at least 1 poster who, presented with facts that fairly obvious and natural conclusions can be drawn from, in 99% of cases... will deny/argue them. I have no idea why.

A woman could come on here finding condom wrappers (abf theyndontbuse comdoms).in her husband's "going out" trousers and at least 1 poster will.alwsys say "oh his friends probably put them in thete for a joke, he was probably playing a joke on his friends and that's how they got there, maybe he likes a posh walk, maybe he needed some rubber gloves for something but could only find condoms etc etc". The poster will then sat shes seen incriminating messages from another woman about the night out and the poster will say "are you sure they couldn't be from his Mum or sister, could the pussy they were talking about be their cat?, did he maybe lend his friend hos phone and it was the friend that shahged her".. and on and on.

I have never understood what their deal is.

He's blocked op.

Ah, busted then lol

They have some image of themselves as a suave seducer and man about town.

You had some nice meals and decent sex, you had the good sense to use condoms; he is some other poor fucker's problem.

I'd definitely be making a fake profile just to get the last word in, then block his arse back.

I think its delusion to be honest

Far easier to live in fairyland and delude yourself that these things do not happen than have the reality that 'not all men' equates to a 'significantly high proportion of men' - when the reality of the world is there is broad daylight for you to see it can be heart breaking. The layers of societal, patriachial and media conditioning is fairly triggering when its exposed.

Desperate - looking.

Not the behaviour of a woman who doesn't really care .... which is what op is becoming, after the nasty shock.

All I know is that, if they're as gullible in their own dealings (presumably so) there must be a lot of shitty men rubbing their hands in glee ...

💐 Don't let other people's actions make you feel worthless op.
He is in the wrong ,it's nothing you have done ,he's clearly using women and that's on him.
Tell yourself every day that you are bright,beautiful,independent and confident.As you begin to believe it,so you will attract good things into your life.
Negative thoughts about yourself are bringing negativity to you as that's what you're sending out to the universe..send out instead positive thoughts and watch your life begin to shine.

Just move on.

Besides is his amateur chef, rico suave, cheating little arse really worth the effort. He's not a good person, you're not going tk make him a good person. He's not going togave an epiphany or feel bad because you express anger and hurt; he'll just convert it to "crazy women" or even worse it'll just let him blow himself up further as sone great price that women are really upset and angry to not "win".

Question to OP: did you see any red flags when you started dating this guy? Sorry just curious.

I always assume they have truths about their own relationships they'd rather not face tbh.

Not really
Only thing i can recall was the flat thing - not being able ro go around that night
I asked him about exes once and he totally deflected it - so yeah that could have been another
He was fairly slick

No - is there a ross to look out for?

You sound lovely Op. Glad universe helped you out. Like you say he’s probably done it before.