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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just seen a guy I am seeing holding hands with another girl

293 replies

Topcat9876 · 18/07/2022 18:14

First time poster.
Long time lurker.
need a bit of a hand hold really.

I am 35 year old never married and childess woman

just as the subject says really
met a guy on Bumble in April - great dates and chat and was due to see him again this week. We slept together after a couple of months.

I just tested positive for covid and had to come to wfh early - I work in health care so in work 12 hour shifts until at least 7/8. He stays quite close to me. I drove home at 2pm. As I drove up my road To home I seen him and he was holding hands with a woman. He seen me (he knows my car) and he just had a blank expression on his face.

obviously I will never be meeting up with him again but AIBU to just block him or should I say something? What a waste of time. Feel stupid being upset and having a little cry.

I am at the stage of giving up humiliating myself by even trying to date. I always seem to be a second choice or a comedy shag for men.

OP posts:
ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 19/07/2022 07:14

Stravaig · 19/07/2022 00:11

What am I reading? Holding hands is simple affection, with family, with friends, with previous as well as current partners. Some of you really seem to think that being in a relationship means you get to lock someone away in a cage! It's insane, and awful.

OP, you met this guy on a dating app 3 months ago. You barely know him. You and he have made no promises to each other. He's allowed normal human contact with other people!

You're ok with sharing bodily fluids with all and sundry because everyone is allowed to have normal human contact with other people, which presumably includes shagging? It's ok to hold hands with all your exes, even those that are married and with other people?

To quote you, what am I reading???

Cosmos123 · 19/07/2022 07:15

Bussty · 18/07/2022 18:36

Are you exclusive? Did he lead you to believe you were exclusive? Holding hands isn't necessarily romantic either, depending on the context. I'd rarely hold hands with a friend in normal circumstances but if they were upset, in pain, etc then I might.

Stop trying to play down what OP saw. Are you the boyfriend?

Greenberg · 19/07/2022 07:29

InTheShadeOfTheFigTree · 18/07/2022 21:30

I think the 'is it exclusive thing' is nonsense. What's wrong with seeing just one person at a time, then moving on if it doesn't work. Why do people need to date several people at once? It's just an excuse for shit behaviour.

OP, you must be so fed up. He's the loser here. I'd dump him by text, just for the satisfaction, then block and move on Flowers

Show quote history

I agree. I can see that you might be having a few dates one after the other with different people, but once you're sleeping together regularly and hanging out at weekends, if you're not exclusive then you're just a cheater.

maddening · 19/07/2022 07:41

Pretend the date is still on, arrange to meet bim at a fancy restaurant across town and stand him up, block and ignore.

Original poster
Topcat9876 · 19/07/2022 07:53

True to this genres form I have checked and I am now blocked on all social media

OP posts:
Original poster
Topcat9876 · 19/07/2022 07:54

SleepingStandingUp · 19/07/2022 00:54

The Universe is on your side cos you deserve better. The Universe is deciding whether to give him piles or gout.

Let us pray 🔥

OP posts:
Original poster
Topcat9876 · 19/07/2022 07:55

Charlize43 · 18/07/2022 23:44

Did he say he was exclusive? Did you tell him you wanted to be exclusive? I think you have to make that very clear (if that's what you're looking for) on these online dating sites. A lot of people I know just use them as a continuous stream of dates / shags.

I guess if I ever had to verify I could assume he was not 'the one' anyway

OP posts:
Original poster
Topcat9876 · 19/07/2022 07:57

arrogantorwhat37 · 19/07/2022 06:45

What area of healthcare demands 12 hour shifts that you can do from home?

Primary care

OP posts:
creekal · 19/07/2022 08:03

RampantIvy · 18/07/2022 23:13

If you're seeing some one it ought to be the only person you're seeing. Anything else is simply immoral, shitty behaviour dressed up in this new phrase.

Absolutely.

I hate this modern trend for dating to be like a box of chocolates, so if it is Tuesday it must be an orange cream and on Thursday it is hazelnut toffee's turn. Being a player (aka keeping your options open) is not an attractive trait IMO.

This @RampantIvy. Even for sex alone, I would not want to have sex with someone who's seeing others. It really is a turn off. I can't imagine sleeping with someone knowing they'll be out shagging again tonight etc.

ClassSize2022 · 19/07/2022 08:06

Probably doesn’t need clarification but I’m still confused by ‘stays’ so he doesn’t have a permanent home? You mentioned Amsterdam too?

Apologies if it’s been mentioned before but please do have an STD check OP.

Lovemusic33 · 19/07/2022 08:08

Block and move on, don’t give him anymore of your time. You don’t need answers, you saw enough, don’t let him think your chasing after him in anyway. I know it hurts but don’t let him see your upset. Block on everything, you’ve dodged a bullet.

girlmom21 · 19/07/2022 08:08

ClassSize2022 · 19/07/2022 08:06

Probably doesn’t need clarification but I’m still confused by ‘stays’ so he doesn’t have a permanent home? You mentioned Amsterdam too?

Apologies if it’s been mentioned before but please do have an STD check OP.

Lots of people (I've seen it on here a lot from Irish people but someone mentioned Scottish upthread too) say 'he stays' to mean 'he lived'

girlmom21 · 19/07/2022 08:08

lives not lived!

Original poster
Topcat9876 · 19/07/2022 08:26

ClassSize2022 · 19/07/2022 08:06

Probably doesn’t need clarification but I’m still confused by ‘stays’ so he doesn’t have a permanent home? You mentioned Amsterdam too?

Apologies if it’s been mentioned before but please do have an STD check OP.

Used barrier and hormonal contraception

OP posts:
Staters · 19/07/2022 08:40

@ClassSize2022 My friend says ‘stays’ but means lives.

She’d say “My mum stays about 10 minutes from mines” (mines is mine)
Shes from Scotland.

Minoloso · 19/07/2022 08:48

What an absolute wanker he is. I’d have to use all my willpower to not find out who the OW is and tell her.

Original poster
Topcat9876 · 19/07/2022 08:53

Minoloso · 19/07/2022 08:48

What an absolute wanker he is. I’d have to use all my willpower to not find out who the OW is and tell her.

He will just pretend he doesnt know me etc use the usual excuses etc
I really dont see the point
He has already blocked me on everything overnight

So clearly he did see me 🙄

OP posts:
StrangeCondition · 19/07/2022 08:53

You've dodged a bullet there OP, let's all hope his next shit is a hedgehog

IzzieStevens · 19/07/2022 08:56

I am so sorry OP, you deserve better than this. What an absolute joke of a man. I hope karma will come around sooner than later to get back at him. Sending you a huge hug x

Maves · 19/07/2022 08:57

At least you found out now everything happened for a reason but of a sliding doors moment!....it's shit but men can be shit you say he was on your road? Wonder why he was so brazen?! Poor her.

Takeme2thebeach · 19/07/2022 09:00

Wow sorry op, at least you didn’t waste years with him. What a horrible person and I feel sorry for the OW who doesn’t know what a player she’s with.

creekal · 19/07/2022 09:00

He has already blocked me on everything overnight

It's awful. Hopefully you can move on quickly, since there's no contact whatsoever now.

FirewomanSam · 19/07/2022 09:00

Probably doesn’t need clarification but I’m still confused by ‘stays’ so he doesn’t have a permanent home? You mentioned Amsterdam too?

I don’t know where OP is from but in Scotland people say ‘stays’ to mean ‘lives’. So ‘he stays quite near me’ just means that he lives near OP.

ClassSize2022 · 19/07/2022 09:03

@Topcat9876 nothing is 100% effective against STDs even barrier. I would strongly suggest getting an STD test.

Sandra1984 · 19/07/2022 09:04

I would call him, I would find out who this woman is and call her, let her know he's been your boyfriend since April and he was an active user on the app.

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