Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this holiday plan is just a bit shit for a family with young children?

308 replies

Holidayplanisshit · 18/07/2022 18:08

Background - we’re saving money for a holiday next autumn with twins; not massively expensive (under £2000 for 2 week cruise) but, as a low income family, it will take a bit of discipline to save a regular amount rather than spend on extras for the children. We’ve set an amount to save each month which will pay for the cruise and also give us spending money.

Now for my AIBU…….. DH wants to go away for a holiday this year as well and thinks 10 days to 2 weeks staying with his DF in rural Wales will be “perfect” - for that read free accommodation and he will, no doubt, love spending the evenings in his dad’s garden drinking beers and chatting guy crap!! Meanwhile, the cottage his DF lives in isn’t child friendly - think no proper kitchen or bathroom (he’s been saying for years that he’s going to swap them round or refit both but all he’s done is rip stuff out and cobble working parts together) the stairs are in the middle of the living space and aren’t childproof plus no way to stop toddlers going up or down meaning I’ll have to watch them like hawks. The garden is full of junk and not safe for kids to play in, there’s no boundary fencing and there’s a stream across the Lane which they could easily fall into.

There’s nothing locally for us to do as a family without having to drive miles each way even to a play park! Even the ‘local’ beach is over an hour’s drive away - for context, we live 20 miles from beautiful beaches that people actively seek out to visit for holidays!!

DFiL is lovely but doesn’t really interact with the children when he stays with us and, as an older man, is quite set in his ways so follows quite a rigid routine of wanting his daily paper, having a few drinks in the evening and a couple of smokes in the garden later in the evening. DH readily admits his dad won’t help out with the children and that his home isn’t ideal but he just sees the idea of a free holiday. I see 10 days to 2 weeks of
him having a whale of a time doing nothing as he won’t be at work while I am watching the children, keeping them safe and entertained and making sure they’re fed regularly (not helped by them being fussy eaters so I can’t just give them what my DFiL would usually cook as they won’t eat curries, fish, veg or things).

AIBU for wanting a holiday that gives me as well as DH a chance to kick back & relax; where our kids can play safely, have something to do walking distance away to entertain them a bit either during the day or in the early evening; a pub or restaurant where we can eat sometimes during the holiday so I don’t have to cook every single day. Basically I don’t want my precious holiday time spend being a spare wheel to DH & SFiL having a great catch up while I manage young children in a totally unsuitable environment!!

OP posts:
MummyGummy · 18/07/2022 20:17

Why on earth are people suggesting DH take the kids on his own?? The place is unsafe, wouldn't you be worried about them?

DH should go on his own to spend time with his Dad. Neither seem to have much interest in the children so why make your life harder by all going.

If you live that close to a beach it’s easy enough to have a some nice day trips from home then enjoy your cruise next year.

Goldbar · 18/07/2022 20:25

MummyGummy · 18/07/2022 20:17

Why on earth are people suggesting DH take the kids on his own?? The place is unsafe, wouldn't you be worried about them?

DH should go on his own to spend time with his Dad. Neither seem to have much interest in the children so why make your life harder by all going.

If you live that close to a beach it’s easy enough to have a some nice day trips from home then enjoy your cruise next year.

Assuming he's a competent parent, he can be the one who climbs the stairs after them, caters for them and stops them falling in the stream. Of course, if he's not competent to look after them on his own, then the OP has bigger issues.

ExtraOnion · 18/07/2022 20:30

Where are you getting a cruise from for £2k for ; if you ? Just looking at one now for 3 of use, and I thought I had done well for £4.5k.

cruise line please 😂

OperaStation · 18/07/2022 20:33

I agree, it sounds rubbish. But so does a 2x week cruise with two very young children. Neither are appropriate.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 18/07/2022 20:33

I would go for a long weekend and maybe spend another few days camping or something. But I would prefer a holiday this year and a cheaper one next year rather than saving up for 2 years

cushioncovers · 18/07/2022 20:36

I would go for a few days but that's it. Why stay somewhere where you don't have any of your usual stuff and a husband who's got little intention of helping you.

ToadiesCouzin · 18/07/2022 20:39

There’s no way this would be better than staying at home. I’d absolutely just wait until your Autumn holiday, it’s not like it’s two years away. Have a few nights max at FIL’s this summer and have a week or so off work at home.

CallmeMrsPricklepants · 18/07/2022 20:40

How old is fil? I think I'm your dh in that my parents are getting older, set in their ways and the only way to see them is to do a trip to their cottage and risk the DC getting into something they shouldn't, but it's worth it for me because my parents aren't getting any younger.

I would do 3-4 days there and go somewhere else for a week, even if it's camping.

bellsbuss · 18/07/2022 20:40

I want to know where you can book a cruise for 2k for a family of 4, it's a bargain. Can't believe the poster who thought it was expensive.

Somethingsnappy · 18/07/2022 20:42

Go, but for a week perhaps, and with rules and props. A stair gate being the first prop. And a husband who pulls his weight being the first rule. Tell him if he doesn't pull his weight, you'll go home and he can stay with the twins .

ohblowmedown · 18/07/2022 20:44

Sounds terrible and I wouldn't go if you paid me, even with no kids....so no YANBU.

RaspberryHoney · 18/07/2022 20:45

a pub or restaurant where we can eat sometimes during the holiday so I don’t have to cook every single day.

Can your husband not cook?

arethereanyleftatall · 18/07/2022 20:48

Loving the idea of your dh taking the kids, and you staying home.

You should really really suggest this op.

After all, he says it'll be fine, so he cant possibly have a come back without admitting that you will in fact be the one doing all the work.

As a side note, the fact you've presented the fact that you're not 50/50 on a holiday as a mere shoulder shrug, is a huge red flag for your relationship. Why are you not 50/50 on holidays?

RaspberryHoney · 18/07/2022 20:48

I have to say that my children would have been extremely bored with 2 weeks on a cruise. Wales with a stream near the house sounds nicer!

arethereanyleftatall · 18/07/2022 20:50

@MummyGummy
Do you not think a father can keep his children safe then?

WhereYouLeftIt · 18/07/2022 20:51

Holidayplanisshit · 18/07/2022 18:08

Background - we’re saving money for a holiday next autumn with twins; not massively expensive (under £2000 for 2 week cruise) but, as a low income family, it will take a bit of discipline to save a regular amount rather than spend on extras for the children. We’ve set an amount to save each month which will pay for the cruise and also give us spending money.

Now for my AIBU…….. DH wants to go away for a holiday this year as well and thinks 10 days to 2 weeks staying with his DF in rural Wales will be “perfect” - for that read free accommodation and he will, no doubt, love spending the evenings in his dad’s garden drinking beers and chatting guy crap!! Meanwhile, the cottage his DF lives in isn’t child friendly - think no proper kitchen or bathroom (he’s been saying for years that he’s going to swap them round or refit both but all he’s done is rip stuff out and cobble working parts together) the stairs are in the middle of the living space and aren’t childproof plus no way to stop toddlers going up or down meaning I’ll have to watch them like hawks. The garden is full of junk and not safe for kids to play in, there’s no boundary fencing and there’s a stream across the Lane which they could easily fall into.

There’s nothing locally for us to do as a family without having to drive miles each way even to a play park! Even the ‘local’ beach is over an hour’s drive away - for context, we live 20 miles from beautiful beaches that people actively seek out to visit for holidays!!

DFiL is lovely but doesn’t really interact with the children when he stays with us and, as an older man, is quite set in his ways so follows quite a rigid routine of wanting his daily paper, having a few drinks in the evening and a couple of smokes in the garden later in the evening. DH readily admits his dad won’t help out with the children and that his home isn’t ideal but he just sees the idea of a free holiday. I see 10 days to 2 weeks of
him having a whale of a time doing nothing as he won’t be at work while I am watching the children, keeping them safe and entertained and making sure they’re fed regularly (not helped by them being fussy eaters so I can’t just give them what my DFiL would usually cook as they won’t eat curries, fish, veg or things).

AIBU for wanting a holiday that gives me as well as DH a chance to kick back & relax; where our kids can play safely, have something to do walking distance away to entertain them a bit either during the day or in the early evening; a pub or restaurant where we can eat sometimes during the holiday so I don’t have to cook every single day. Basically I don’t want my precious holiday time spend being a spare wheel to DH & SFiL having a great catch up while I manage young children in a totally unsuitable environment!!

Fuck that shit! I'd be DEMANDING that he explain to me in detail just how his nightmare plan would be a holiday for me? Then ask him to imagine doing it without me, so that he'd be the one dealing with the toddlers 24/7, keeping them safe and fed and entertained?

It just would not be happening.

twilightcafe · 18/07/2022 20:54

Speak up and say you're not going on this nightmare 'holiday'.

GylesBrandrethNewJumper · 18/07/2022 21:00

SleepingStandingUp · 18/07/2022 19:19

What's not to love as a toddler on a cruise? Day trips most days can be worked to suit the kids, swimming pool, lots of outdoor space on the deck,. I'd stress about the dinner of evening as its quite formal but sure there's a work around

We took ours that age on cruises. It is hard work tbh.

Cantanka · 18/07/2022 21:01

look up 2-3 fun days out otherwise playing around near a stream sounds like great fun

I disagree - toddlers and open water sounds like a total bar to the OP (and her husband if he takes any responsibility) being able to kick back and relax at this house.

Youreatragedystartingtohappen · 18/07/2022 21:05

surreygirl1987 · 18/07/2022 18:41

YANBU... but also, a £2k holiday?! Is this really what people spend? The only holiday I've ever taken that cost anything like that was my honeymoon. And I would consider us to be at least a medium income household (combined income £100k+). Is this what people typically spend on a holiday?

I was going to hijack the thread and ask for more details about the holiday as I thought it sounded like a bargain myself. Especially for 2 weeks.

HandScreen · 18/07/2022 21:07

Orangello · 18/07/2022 18:31

I have such fond memories of similar holidays when I was a child.

But does your mum? Besides, twins are toddlers, very unlikely to remember anything.

OP, as a pp suggested, if DH thinks it will be such a lovely relaxing holiday, he can go and take the kids.

Yes, my whole family has similar happy memories, because we not horrors to live with.

Arenanewbie · 18/07/2022 21:12

I haven’t read your post until the very end but .. No, no and no.
It won’t be a holiday for you. Don’t get any promises from him, he won’t do them and you will be stuck in the middle of nowhere. Send him on his own - it would be much better option for you.

Hotenoughtoburnasausage · 18/07/2022 21:14

Send dh on now and tell him to let you know when it's dc proofed....

Holidayplanisshit · 18/07/2022 21:17

IGotItInTheSales · 18/07/2022 18:14

Yanbu

Put your foot down now!!! And ask him what he thinks you will do all day with 2 children? What if it rains?

Smoking and drinking indoors? Guess so

To be fair to DH, he doesn’t smoke (neither of us do) but he does enjoy a few beers of an evening when his DF comes to us.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 18/07/2022 21:17

Blossomtoes · 18/07/2022 19:42

Given how rural it sounds, what would the OP and twins do?

What people who live in these places do. Do people really have to be constantly entertained? There’s a stream to play in for a start.

Genuinely, I'd love advice on keeping my twin toddlers safe in an environment like that on my own. They're bad enough at going in opposite directions in an open field where I'm worried about scraped knees not drowning. How did you do it?

Swipe left for the next trending thread