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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this holiday plan is just a bit shit for a family with young children?

308 replies

Holidayplanisshit · 18/07/2022 18:08

Background - we’re saving money for a holiday next autumn with twins; not massively expensive (under £2000 for 2 week cruise) but, as a low income family, it will take a bit of discipline to save a regular amount rather than spend on extras for the children. We’ve set an amount to save each month which will pay for the cruise and also give us spending money.

Now for my AIBU…….. DH wants to go away for a holiday this year as well and thinks 10 days to 2 weeks staying with his DF in rural Wales will be “perfect” - for that read free accommodation and he will, no doubt, love spending the evenings in his dad’s garden drinking beers and chatting guy crap!! Meanwhile, the cottage his DF lives in isn’t child friendly - think no proper kitchen or bathroom (he’s been saying for years that he’s going to swap them round or refit both but all he’s done is rip stuff out and cobble working parts together) the stairs are in the middle of the living space and aren’t childproof plus no way to stop toddlers going up or down meaning I’ll have to watch them like hawks. The garden is full of junk and not safe for kids to play in, there’s no boundary fencing and there’s a stream across the Lane which they could easily fall into.

There’s nothing locally for us to do as a family without having to drive miles each way even to a play park! Even the ‘local’ beach is over an hour’s drive away - for context, we live 20 miles from beautiful beaches that people actively seek out to visit for holidays!!

DFiL is lovely but doesn’t really interact with the children when he stays with us and, as an older man, is quite set in his ways so follows quite a rigid routine of wanting his daily paper, having a few drinks in the evening and a couple of smokes in the garden later in the evening. DH readily admits his dad won’t help out with the children and that his home isn’t ideal but he just sees the idea of a free holiday. I see 10 days to 2 weeks of
him having a whale of a time doing nothing as he won’t be at work while I am watching the children, keeping them safe and entertained and making sure they’re fed regularly (not helped by them being fussy eaters so I can’t just give them what my DFiL would usually cook as they won’t eat curries, fish, veg or things).

AIBU for wanting a holiday that gives me as well as DH a chance to kick back & relax; where our kids can play safely, have something to do walking distance away to entertain them a bit either during the day or in the early evening; a pub or restaurant where we can eat sometimes during the holiday so I don’t have to cook every single day. Basically I don’t want my precious holiday time spend being a spare wheel to DH & SFiL having a great catch up while I manage young children in a totally unsuitable environment!!

OP posts:
Ortega888 · 20/07/2022 18:56

As always the men get away with doing sod all whilst it’s left to the women to do absolutely everything. I would let your husband go and you could stay at home with the children and just go out locally. It’s sounds as if your like a single parent and your husband is like a big child which most of them are. It will be no fun for you as it’s hardly a holiday or a proper break. I really feel for you as you will have all the responsibilities on your shoulders whilst your husband just does nothing but have beers all evening. You will be exhausted try and get friends and family to call up to your home and they can help with the kids whilst hubby does his own thing. Let us know how you get on.

aSofaNearYou · 20/07/2022 19:00

Hmm1234 · 20/07/2022 18:24

There’s so much to do in WALES with kids especially if you drive. Just being out in the countryside is good for the children you are being unreasonable and selfish tbh

How on earth is she being selfish?

Jack80 · 20/07/2022 19:04

Have a week without him so he can have a break at his dads or you both go for the weekend or you have a week away with friends/family when he is back.

Sallybates · 20/07/2022 19:06

Enjoy family time! Compromise- go for 5 days. Spend time with the old fella and let bonding happen. Life’s too short for missed opportunities. I remember great times in a hard up period of our lives. Kids love attention. Look forward to other trips and negotiate some time away for yourself on your own later.

xippo · 20/07/2022 19:24

surreygirl1987 · 18/07/2022 18:41

YANBU... but also, a £2k holiday?! Is this really what people spend? The only holiday I've ever taken that cost anything like that was my honeymoon. And I would consider us to be at least a medium income household (combined income £100k+). Is this what people typically spend on a holiday?

we're going for a week in a caravan, £1200.
we've just been for a week, 2 of us, to Cyprus, £2200
I don't know where you could holiday for less than 2k for 4 people. did you go on honeymoon in 1960?

newfriend05 · 20/07/2022 19:27

@NeverFlyCoach I never low income families cant go on holiday I said a £2000 holiday Cruise holiday ..

newfriend05 · 20/07/2022 19:28

I mean that's a lot of money if on a low income

bruffin · 20/07/2022 19:34

xippo · 20/07/2022 19:24

we're going for a week in a caravan, £1200.
we've just been for a week, 2 of us, to Cyprus, £2200
I don't know where you could holiday for less than 2k for 4 people. did you go on honeymoon in 1960?

10 days in centerparcs in Netherlands easily comes in around £1500 . We used to do this last week of August every year, dc loved it there. Getting there make cost a little extra atm.
Activities really cheap compared to UK. Also Duinrell with free entry to water park and themepark as well as forest and seaside to walk or bike to.

ReneBumsWombats · 20/07/2022 19:44

newfriend05 · 20/07/2022 19:28

I mean that's a lot of money if on a low income

It is, but I can think of a number of circumstances that would make it doable with enough time. Not for everyone, obviously. But it isn't impossible for a low income family to scrape it together, if they work hard and circumstances are favourable elsewhere.

Watchamocauli · 20/07/2022 20:05

OP you said you live 20min from a popular beach. Why not invite FIL for a week. DH can have his bonding time and you can order takeways and enjoy beach time with twins. Not a proper holiday but put a tent in your garden and enjoy avoiding chores.

PMAmostofthetime · 20/07/2022 20:14

@Holidayplanisshit could you afford a fee nights in a hotel like the premier inn near to his Dad- that way DH can help clean up DD garden and make it child friendly/ help with a few repairs on the house and the. You and the children can stay for a few days once it's done? Some premier inn's are £19 per night for mid week x

Mrsbluesk1 · 20/07/2022 20:24

RandomMess · 18/07/2022 18:50

Easy he goes to his Dads for a week and then you go away somewhere for a week without the DC.

This is the best suggestion. I find it so sad that once people are married they never get to just hang out with their parents 1–2-1 anymore. I love a few nights alone at my childhood home with family. And yes I love being married as well.

Tangerinedream99 · 20/07/2022 20:52

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Tangerinedream99 · 20/07/2022 20:56

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stayathomer · 20/07/2022 20:57

I don't know where you could holiday for less than 2k for 4 people. did you go on honeymoon in 1960?
Have never spent that and we’re 6 people!! As I said above we booked a year in advance and we did that a few years ago to go to euro Disney, off peak staying in self catering but it’s normally holidaying here in a mobile home or self catering

Tangerinedream99 · 20/07/2022 20:57

This reply has been withdrawn

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Tangerinedream99 · 20/07/2022 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request

Written by someone who’s never had to deal with toddler twins tearing off in different directions next to open water or a rickety staircase.

NC12345665 · 20/07/2022 21:03

surreygirl1987 · 18/07/2022 18:41

YANBU... but also, a £2k holiday?! Is this really what people spend? The only holiday I've ever taken that cost anything like that was my honeymoon. And I would consider us to be at least a medium income household (combined income £100k+). Is this what people typically spend on a holiday?

Other people spend their money on different things to you. Shocker.

Mumclub · 20/07/2022 22:07

How do you go on holiday for less than that 🤦🏼‍♀️

WillMcAvoy · 20/07/2022 22:12

stayathomer · 20/07/2022 20:57

I don't know where you could holiday for less than 2k for 4 people. did you go on honeymoon in 1960?
Have never spent that and we’re 6 people!! As I said above we booked a year in advance and we did that a few years ago to go to euro Disney, off peak staying in self catering but it’s normally holidaying here in a mobile home or self catering

6 people for less than 2k? In your dreams. 3 nights in a leaking caravan in Skegness maybe, and bring all your food from your kitchen.

Jaxxy · 20/07/2022 22:14

YANBU

but could you meet in middle and do one week with DFiL and one week at home with days out?

stayathomer · 20/07/2022 22:18

6 people for less than 2k? In your dreams. 3 nights in a leaking caravan in Skegness maybe, and bring all your food from your kitchen.
Honest to god I promise!! But husband was searching for weeks and we booked a year roughly in advance, and yes, a bit rough and ready and a fold out double bed but there’s still the beach beautiful drives and activities nearby. Just not hotel type/pretty rooms!!!

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 20/07/2022 23:07

I remember going to stay with my dad with toddler twins - he assured me he had 'tidied up' - the first thing I saw was literally a circular saw ON THE FLOOR in the dining room. He also didn't have bannisters on his stairs.

Chaos.

That being said - you're having more holidays in 3/4 years of their life than we've had in 13 so I'm just slightly jealous!

LoisLane66 · 21/07/2022 00:06

Get your DH to sort out the garden and ditch the junk with his DF while he's there. Tell him that the safety of the children is paramount but remember that even at the beach near your home, you would have to be vigilant near water.
Get a second hand stair gate from Nextdoor.
When I was young my parents took us every year on bungalow holidays in rural North Wales, right on the banks of the River Dee. We rowed (actually dad rowed) the small boat that came with one wooden 'bungalow', up river, tied it up then walked across fields to the local tuck shop which sold everything. We walked to a farm to get milk in small churns and freshly laid eggs and butter.
I can remember the clothes I wore and the fact that mum had to scrub the cobwebs and dust out of the kitchen before cooking anything. They were the happiest of days.
Make do. It is possible.

Goldbar · 21/07/2022 03:50

I can remember the clothes I wore and the fact that mum had to scrub the cobwebs and dust out of the kitchen before cooking anything. They were the happiest of days.

Also for your mother? And why was she the one cleaning the kitchen? Why not your dad?

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