To think this holiday plan is just a bit shit for a family with young children?

[Holidayplanisshit]

Background - we’re saving money for a holiday next autumn with twins; not massively expensive (under £2000 for 2 week cruise) but, as a low income family, it will take a bit of discipline to save a regular amount rather than spend on extras for the children. We’ve set an amount to save each month which will pay for the cruise and also give us spending money.

Now for my AIBU…….. DH wants to go away for a holiday this year as well and thinks 10 days to 2 weeks staying with his DF in rural Wales will be “perfect” - for that read free accommodation and he will, no doubt, love spending the evenings in his dad’s garden drinking beers and chatting guy crap!! Meanwhile, the cottage his DF lives in isn’t child friendly - think no proper kitchen or bathroom (he’s been saying for years that he’s going to swap them round or refit both but all he’s done is rip stuff out and cobble working parts together) the stairs are in the middle of the living space and aren’t childproof plus no way to stop toddlers going up or down meaning I’ll have to watch them like hawks. The garden is full of junk and not safe for kids to play in, there’s no boundary fencing and there’s a stream across the Lane which they could easily fall into.

There’s nothing locally for us to do as a family without having to drive miles each way even to a play park! Even the ‘local’ beach is over an hour’s drive away - for context, we live 20 miles from beautiful beaches that people actively seek out to visit for holidays!!

DFiL is lovely but doesn’t really interact with the children when he stays with us and, as an older man, is quite set in his ways so follows quite a rigid routine of wanting his daily paper, having a few drinks in the evening and a couple of smokes in the garden later in the evening. DH readily admits his dad won’t help out with the children and that his home isn’t ideal but he just sees the idea of a free holiday. I see 10 days to 2 weeks of
him having a whale of a time doing nothing as he won’t be at work while I am watching the children, keeping them safe and entertained and making sure they’re fed regularly (not helped by them being fussy eaters so I can’t just give them what my DFiL would usually cook as they won’t eat curries, fish, veg or things).

AIBU for wanting a holiday that gives me as well as DH a chance to kick back & relax; where our kids can play safely, have something to do walking distance away to entertain them a bit either during the day or in the early evening; a pub or restaurant where we can eat sometimes during the holiday so I don’t have to cook every single day. Basically I don’t want my precious holiday time spend being a spare wheel to DH & SFiL having a great catch up while I manage young children in a totally unsuitable environment!!

Yes there is.

mum had to scrub the cobwebs and dust out of the kitchen before cooking anything. They were the happiest of days.

Yes, sounds like a load of fun for your mother.

Exactly! We had a few holidays when I was a child, usually farm cottages or caravans. We didn't have much money, so always self catering. Us kids had a ball. My mother was still cooking three meals a day- with all the shopping, cooking, washing up, cleaning kitchen and all the shit that comes with.
When I had my own kids we only went all inclusive.
No way am I standing at a sink on my holiday.

Why should she make do? Just because it's possible doesn't mean it's essential. I wouldn't enjoy a holiday in which I had to do more housework than I had to do at home.

Parents spend their lives cleaning up, they deserve a break too and to be able to get away from that if they want to.

Well said.
I simply refuse to go on a holiday if I would have to cook or do any type of housework.
In years gone past if we didn't have quite enough cash for an all inclusive family holiday, then we set aside a staycation and spent what budget we did have on days out, trips to the zoo, beach, fun fairs, take out food, visits to restaurants.
A family holiday should be holiday for the whole family, not just the children.
Parents have needs too. Parenting is hard work and the adults- especially the mother if she bears the brunt of the domestic at home- deverve some down time.

Makes me laugh that people are saying there is nothing to do on a cruise for toddlers, there isn't any other holiday that has as much for toddlers to do really, even better for them than the typical family resort type places such as butlins. Safer in my opinion also. They even do a specific tea for them which is low salt/sugar but stuff they are more likely to eat rather than them having to sit through 1.5 hrs of fine dining, we would take them for tea then off to kids club whilst we had our dinner. They absolutely loved every second.

The kids clubs were amazing when mine were little, we used to have to drag them out as they loved it so much. The activities were so good, they even put on circus performances that the kids were in to show parents. Every activity imaginable they did for them. Mine used the kids clubs right up till they were 12.

Personally I would go for 4 nights, let dh have a few drinks with FIL. Then stay somewhere cheap and cheerful for 4 nights on the way home. Bring whatever food you’ll need to FIL.

The way you've described this has put me in mind of the cottage they end up in in Withnail and I 😂😂 not somewhere I'd be remotely interested in holidaying.

On a serious note it doesn't sound like it would be much of a holiday considering everything you've explained. Like pp's have said, suggest he takes the kids himself and see his reaction. If nothing else it may force him to consider your point of view.