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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this holiday plan is just a bit shit for a family with young children?

308 replies

Holidayplanisshit · 18/07/2022 18:08

Background - we’re saving money for a holiday next autumn with twins; not massively expensive (under £2000 for 2 week cruise) but, as a low income family, it will take a bit of discipline to save a regular amount rather than spend on extras for the children. We’ve set an amount to save each month which will pay for the cruise and also give us spending money.

Now for my AIBU…….. DH wants to go away for a holiday this year as well and thinks 10 days to 2 weeks staying with his DF in rural Wales will be “perfect” - for that read free accommodation and he will, no doubt, love spending the evenings in his dad’s garden drinking beers and chatting guy crap!! Meanwhile, the cottage his DF lives in isn’t child friendly - think no proper kitchen or bathroom (he’s been saying for years that he’s going to swap them round or refit both but all he’s done is rip stuff out and cobble working parts together) the stairs are in the middle of the living space and aren’t childproof plus no way to stop toddlers going up or down meaning I’ll have to watch them like hawks. The garden is full of junk and not safe for kids to play in, there’s no boundary fencing and there’s a stream across the Lane which they could easily fall into.

There’s nothing locally for us to do as a family without having to drive miles each way even to a play park! Even the ‘local’ beach is over an hour’s drive away - for context, we live 20 miles from beautiful beaches that people actively seek out to visit for holidays!!

DFiL is lovely but doesn’t really interact with the children when he stays with us and, as an older man, is quite set in his ways so follows quite a rigid routine of wanting his daily paper, having a few drinks in the evening and a couple of smokes in the garden later in the evening. DH readily admits his dad won’t help out with the children and that his home isn’t ideal but he just sees the idea of a free holiday. I see 10 days to 2 weeks of
him having a whale of a time doing nothing as he won’t be at work while I am watching the children, keeping them safe and entertained and making sure they’re fed regularly (not helped by them being fussy eaters so I can’t just give them what my DFiL would usually cook as they won’t eat curries, fish, veg or things).

AIBU for wanting a holiday that gives me as well as DH a chance to kick back & relax; where our kids can play safely, have something to do walking distance away to entertain them a bit either during the day or in the early evening; a pub or restaurant where we can eat sometimes during the holiday so I don’t have to cook every single day. Basically I don’t want my precious holiday time spend being a spare wheel to DH & SFiL having a great catch up while I manage young children in a totally unsuitable environment!!

OP posts:
Goldbar · 18/07/2022 18:54

I'd definitely suggest to your DH that he takes the kids on his own. Do update us as to how that suggestion is received!

Orangello · 18/07/2022 18:56

Surely it's better than staying at home

Is it really? I've been to a similar 'holiday' with just one toddler - as the place was not child friendly, I spent the entire time holding the toddler so they wouldn't hurt themselves or break stuff and of course there weren't any suitable toys or equipment except for what I had packed. Not better than no holiday at all.

aSofaNearYou · 18/07/2022 18:56

YANBU, a weekend there sounds far more appropriate given what it's actually like. Unless he'd be willing to take them by himself and look after them he's being quite selfish.

Caterina99 · 18/07/2022 18:57

I’d maybe go for a couple of nights to visit his dad. 10 days no way.

Holidays with toddlers are hard work, and that sounds like significantly more work than staying at home!

Misstes · 18/07/2022 18:57

Could you not both compromise and just go for a long weekend. That way your kids still get a little break from home.

Herewegoagain84 · 18/07/2022 18:58

Sounds more child-friendly than a cruise TBH!

RightOnTheEdge · 18/07/2022 18:58

YANBU, it sounds like it would be totally boring for you.

G5000 · 18/07/2022 18:59

YANBU... but also, a £2k holiday?! Is this really what people spend?

A week in All Inclusive in Greece this year - 4K for a family with 2 DC. 2K is cheap, unless you're into camping I guess.

theillustratedmummy · 18/07/2022 18:59

@ssurreygirl1987 2k for a cruise is extremely cheap. Its standard for a holiday for 4 people abroad. Even in the UK you might easily pay this. Unless your camping or self catering in air b and b. How long is it since you went away?

surreygirl1987 · 18/07/2022 19:09

I'm sure it is cheap for a cruise (have never been one one - too expensive for us!). We last went away at Easter of this year and didn't pay anything like this - but it wasn't a cruise of course, and we just stayed in an airbnb. Mind you, we typically just use skyscanner's 'fly anywhere' function and see what bargains we can find. Best ever were flights to Ireland for £1 per person each way!

Is £2k really the norm these days for a family holiday for most people, even on lower income?!

maddiemookins16mum · 18/07/2022 19:10

Do tell me where you can get a 14 night cruise for a family of four for 2K.

surreygirl1987 · 18/07/2022 19:13

A week in All Inclusive in Greece this year - 4K for a family with 2 DC.?

Ah okay sure - we've never done an all inclusive holiday (again, too expensive!).

Thethreecs · 18/07/2022 19:13

You got a great price for the cruise. I think I would prefer to save extra money towards that.

If the break away to fil is important which I understand will be for your dh and tbh men don't really see dangers and unsuitable places, they're more focused on kicking back and relaxing.

It's easy to say to you to make sure dh helps out, arranges days out etc but only you know him, you know if he's like this, I know personally when my dh meets up with his family he still gets excited and carried away and may have an extra drink and forget what's going on around him.

With regards to your fil home, it doesn't sound ideal but I think most of us have been in the same situation where family or inlaws homes were not ideal, I know with my own parents who were mild hoarders didn't see their home as cluttered and dangerous.

They didn't like that I brought a travel stair gate with me as it was difficult for them to figure out how to use. Their kitchen was extremely old, worn, pretty useless. They had one bathroom, a garden full of things.

I use to stress visiting, I would spend the 1st night cleaning, tidying some small spaces so I could use worktops etc I would always bring a shop with me of things we liked and used and I would have some nice treats for my parents, because they admitted they felt guilty they didn't provide what we needed, but I'd just say, my kids have their likes, we don't want to use up all your food, don't take offence it's just so many different tastes. They were still of the thinking that one meal cooked for everyone or don't eat, which doesn't work when they enjoyed things like tripe, ox tongue, liver, etc

We also cut back on the amount of days visiting, there's only so much each side can tolerate. We'd split the days of staying with them and then to a hotel near good facilities for the kids where we'd be able to relax before going home.

excelledyourself · 18/07/2022 19:14

surreygirl1987 · 18/07/2022 19:09

I'm sure it is cheap for a cruise (have never been one one - too expensive for us!). We last went away at Easter of this year and didn't pay anything like this - but it wasn't a cruise of course, and we just stayed in an airbnb. Mind you, we typically just use skyscanner's 'fly anywhere' function and see what bargains we can find. Best ever were flights to Ireland for £1 per person each way!

Is £2k really the norm these days for a family holiday for most people, even on lower income?!

At least, I'd say.

I last took DS away 3 years ago, to Portugal. For one week, bed and breakfast, it was £1600. For just the two of us.

Its costing me £1200 just for me on my own this year, but that's all inclusive, elsewhere.

SleepingStandingUp · 18/07/2022 19:14

Yanbu by the way I see it you have two issues

  1. The venue isn't suitable.
  1. Your husband is lazy

If you have to do all the childcare, all the cooking etc send him off to Daddy and stay home with the kids. One less child e to run around after

diddl · 18/07/2022 19:16

If he goes alone to visit his day for a few days, is there anywhere you could go for a few days whilst he has the kids?

surreygirl1987 · 18/07/2022 19:16

At least, I'd say.
Golly! I had no idea that's how much other people spent! I guess I'd better get saving before my boys start expecting more expensive holidays!

Thehop · 18/07/2022 19:16

surreygirl1987 · 18/07/2022 18:41

YANBU... but also, a £2k holiday?! Is this really what people spend? The only holiday I've ever taken that cost anything like that was my honeymoon. And I would consider us to be at least a medium income household (combined income £100k+). Is this what people typically spend on a holiday?

That’s incredible value for 4 of them.

SleepingStandingUp · 18/07/2022 19:19

Herewegoagain84 · 18/07/2022 18:58

Sounds more child-friendly than a cruise TBH!

What's not to love as a toddler on a cruise? Day trips most days can be worked to suit the kids, swimming pool, lots of outdoor space on the deck,. I'd stress about the dinner of evening as its quite formal but sure there's a work around

Annasgirl · 18/07/2022 19:29

Cruises are very child friendly. My friend’s very lazy exH used to take their 3 DC every year - on site childcare, kids dining room etc. he never had to look after them. I’m sure it would be great if you had toddlers and a lazy DH - at least you would get some free time - and no cooking or cleaning 😉

OP, do not go to Wales but tell DH he can go with the DC.

Coyoacan · 18/07/2022 19:29

I know it is not what you are asking about, but I cannot see the charm of taking small children on a cruise.

User48751490 · 18/07/2022 19:39

Day trips sounds more relaxing.

Blossomtoes · 18/07/2022 19:42

Given how rural it sounds, what would the OP and twins do?

What people who live in these places do. Do people really have to be constantly entertained? There’s a stream to play in for a start.

Eeksteek · 18/07/2022 19:58

TigerRag · 18/07/2022 18:39

Given how rural it sounds, what would the OP and twins do? I wouldn't want to go on holiday and just stay indoors all day or have to drive miles to do something.

They’re two though. Poking cowpats with sticks, yelling at sheep and falling in paddling in the steam will do it. At two my kid’s favourite thing to do was to go to the shopping centre and ride on the escalators!

but the house set up sounds like hard work, and it’s clear that OP is expected to parent and housekeep while her partner and his dad kick back and relax. That’s not a holiday, and I wouldn’t go. He can visit his dad and you can have lovely days out at home!

cherish123 · 18/07/2022 20:00

Sounds like a lovely holiday for your DC with grandfather and DH can see dad. You may have to be careful on stairs etc. Then you can save for next year.

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