To think this holiday plan is just a bit shit for a family with young children?

[Holidayplanisshit]

Background - we’re saving money for a holiday next autumn with twins; not massively expensive (under £2000 for 2 week cruise) but, as a low income family, it will take a bit of discipline to save a regular amount rather than spend on extras for the children. We’ve set an amount to save each month which will pay for the cruise and also give us spending money.

Now for my AIBU…….. DH wants to go away for a holiday this year as well and thinks 10 days to 2 weeks staying with his DF in rural Wales will be “perfect” - for that read free accommodation and he will, no doubt, love spending the evenings in his dad’s garden drinking beers and chatting guy crap!! Meanwhile, the cottage his DF lives in isn’t child friendly - think no proper kitchen or bathroom (he’s been saying for years that he’s going to swap them round or refit both but all he’s done is rip stuff out and cobble working parts together) the stairs are in the middle of the living space and aren’t childproof plus no way to stop toddlers going up or down meaning I’ll have to watch them like hawks. The garden is full of junk and not safe for kids to play in, there’s no boundary fencing and there’s a stream across the Lane which they could easily fall into.

There’s nothing locally for us to do as a family without having to drive miles each way even to a play park! Even the ‘local’ beach is over an hour’s drive away - for context, we live 20 miles from beautiful beaches that people actively seek out to visit for holidays!!

DFiL is lovely but doesn’t really interact with the children when he stays with us and, as an older man, is quite set in his ways so follows quite a rigid routine of wanting his daily paper, having a few drinks in the evening and a couple of smokes in the garden later in the evening. DH readily admits his dad won’t help out with the children and that his home isn’t ideal but he just sees the idea of a free holiday. I see 10 days to 2 weeks of
him having a whale of a time doing nothing as he won’t be at work while I am watching the children, keeping them safe and entertained and making sure they’re fed regularly (not helped by them being fussy eaters so I can’t just give them what my DFiL would usually cook as they won’t eat curries, fish, veg or things).

AIBU for wanting a holiday that gives me as well as DH a chance to kick back & relax; where our kids can play safely, have something to do walking distance away to entertain them a bit either during the day or in the early evening; a pub or restaurant where we can eat sometimes during the holiday so I don’t have to cook every single day. Basically I don’t want my precious holiday time spend being a spare wheel to DH & SFiL having a great catch up while I manage young children in a totally unsuitable environment!!

Cruise ships aren’t inherently dangerous places
for children (ours will be 4 by the time we go on the cruise next autumn) and staircases don’t have gaps between the banisters that they can climb, or fall, through. There are club rooms for their age groups with organised activities and trained staff facilitating them. Unlike a narrow boat, there are adult height railings which prevent children falling overboard, and I wouldn’t leave them unsupervised round a pool here at home so certainly wouldn’t on a cruise ship.

2 weeks of no cooking, no cleaning (except making sure the cabin is tidy) and spending days ashore visiting local beaches or family orientated places; using the facilities onboard as a family or just sitting and watching the sea for wildlife as we sail along - bliss!!

but regardless of what you and i think OPs husband should be doing, she's made it fairly clear that he's not going to be running down the creek after Jessica whilst Jeremy find a fox hole to climb down upstream so saying "they'll be fine with how i imagine your kids should be parented" isn't teerribly helpful

@MargaretThursday a narrow boat and cruise holiday are really not the same. i could happily put my twins on reins and walk around the deck, to activities etc. As long as i don't let them climb up the side or fall into the pool its fine. A narrow boat with toddlers is infinitely more dangerous

@Holidayplanisshit where is your cruise to? I'm v jealous. I am indeed going to Wales for ten days 😂although the house is fit for toddlers after some minor safeguarding (friend doesn't have kids and underestimates what mine can do and reach) but not really for hanging out in all day. i'm slightly dreading three days on my own whilst DH goes back to work and i have to entertain wildlings!!

Canary Islands from Southampton with P&O

www.pocruises.com/find-a-cruise/N332/N332.summary

I’m amazed you have got a cruise for 2k for 2 weeks for 2 adults and 2 children, is it an inside cabin? I have done a couple of cruises, I enjoyed them, have also had a canal boat holiday. Wouldn’t have wanted to take such small children on the canal boat

I completely understand your reasons for preferring the cruise over a nerve shredding week or so in an isolated area .
Can your DH can guarantee you no cooking, cleaning, childcare in 2 x 4 hour blocks and probably the best nights of sleep if you visit FIL?
We went on a cruise, in autumn too when it's cheaper, after my parents passed away. Kids were 7 and 5. They had a ball and still remember parts of the day excursions and Kids Club; DH and I remember being gently rocked to sleep..a wonderful break after a couple of very stressful years .
I don't suppose FIL would consider cruising too? (Someone else has probably already suggested this)

I wouldn’t go anywhere near a place with unfenced water with dc that age. If I got somewhere and it
had unfenced water I’d go straight home again.

op, I know you don’t really want marriage advice, but why don’t you get out a bolognese recipe, ingredients, tell your dh he’s cooking dinner, that is what it will be because he is a parent and if he objects never ever feed him again?
repeat next week with chicken tray bake. Fried rice. Etc until he can reliably cook a family meal a couple of times a week. I married a mummy’s boy who could not cook but he certainly can now.

Op, can you share the details of the cruise pls.

This.

Your DH gets his week with his dad while you stay at home in your child-friendly home with nearby beach. Then he comes home and you book 10 days away with a friend or family member, while he looks after the dcs.

I would not agree to go on this 'holiday', YANBU!

A 2.5 yr might be fine on stairs, but you can't just let them run loose upstairs in someone elses house, there'd be carnage if I let my almost 4 year old do that.

Same with the stream, yes its fun to play near, but its absolutely zero relaxation and requires 100% attention while supervising.

It'd be a no from me,but then, a cruise isn't my ideal holiday either

Well then, ignoring the larger issue of your lazy DH, I would just tell him you're not going since it's not a holiday at all for you, it's mostly more hard work. If he wants to go, he'll have to make his own way there, won't he? If I was feeling catty, I might throw in that it's largely his fault I feel this way since he doesn't share the load fairly at home and the logical consequence of that is no trip away.

YANBU. He wants the holiday while you try to entertain the children in a dangerous and remote place

Send the DCs off with DH to his dad's and then he can try to keep them from killing themselves while you relax at home.

Firstly a cruise for 2 weeks for 2 adults and 2 children would cost much more than £2k. You are more likely to get 1 week for £2k. Secondly could you agree to go to fil for a long weekend and then DH have another week off and go to your local beach or parks with DC. You can still get a few takeaways or eat out so you don't have to do all the cooking. Make sure DH knows in advance, whilst at fil he helps with kids or you drive them back home early. If you really can't face staying at fil house then send your DH for a weekend on his own.

£2k is very cheap for a holiday. We mainly do all inclusive in Spain and never pay less than around £3k for a family of 4. This was before covid though so I'd imagine it costs more now. A few holiday's I researched for this summer were closer to £5k for a week. These are all during the school holidays of course - it'd cost less during the school year. I have no idea how you'd get a cruise for as little as £2k for 2 weeks though, even off season.

Well that's a MN bingo full house post if ever I saw one.

Faux naivety about a perfectly normal expenditure, that's actually a lot less than it could be, oh I couldn't possibly spend sooooo much unless it was a very special occasion and the standard MN 6 figure income 'that isn't that much really'.

Back to the OP, YANBU at all. Sounds like your DH wants you to drive him to - - Uncle Montys cottage-- his dad's house and so all the cooking, entertainment and childcare while he catches up with his DF.

Fuck that shit. Let him go by himself and you have a holiday at home with DC. Easy food, days out and will probably be more relaxing when you're not stressing what the big baby is and isn't doing.

YANBU - just do a staycation with lovely day trips.
visiting FIL sounds like hell

A cruise with toddlers? There is literally nothing on a cruise ship for a toddler

A cruise ship is much worse, surrounded by water, and if her husband does not parent his kids on holiday with his dad, he aint going to be much better on a cruise.

There is if it's a family cruise 🙄 - there's all sorts now, I've seen them with special activities for knitters, wood-turners, programmers, and shock-horror, toddlers.

OP though, you are not being unreasonable. When I took the kids to my parents when they were young, even with my mum and dad helping, and doing food and things, I was still on alert because they have an unfenced pond etc (they're retired, they don't have a toddler proof house anymore, it'd been 20-odd years since they had toddlers), or in the house in case they touched something dangerous (to toddlers) or broke something (even though my parents would be fine about it). Ie. even with accommodating people, it was still not a relaxing break a lot of the time. With your FIL it sounds nerve frazzling.

Go for a weekend, do activity on the way down and the way back, but just do beach days or whatever with your kids. We had a break in April and I'm not planning anything else this year in favour of a good holiday next year - kids are totally fine with that (and mine aren't even toddlers)

Tbh OP you seem very selfish. This is his dad, it's a free trip so your children and husband can spend time with their dad/grandad, and all your doing is moaning. Just be grateful you have this opportunity, and I guarantee your twins will not enjoy the cruise, be better at CBeebies land than on a cruise ship where you will not settle with all the hazards around.

@Holidayplanisshit how long is the drive to FIL's? Just wondering how far away he lives. Alternatively, is there really no way DH can make his own way there via a mix of train/bus/taxi?

Did you read any part of the OP?!

How is the dad’s house with dangerous stairs and a garden littered with junk and NO BATHROOM ok, but a family cruise with safety checks and family activities ’dangerous’?

If the dad wants to spend time with his son and family, he would be better off travelling to their house and taking everyone to the beach

I see 10 days to 2 weeks of him having a whale of a time doing nothing as he won’t be at work while I am watching the children, keeping them safe and entertained

How will the cruise be any different, club rooms and entertainment aren’t 24/7 childcare. If DH is as you describe I can’t see this cruise being any more relaxing for you with preschool twins.
Whatever you decide I’m sorry to say that unless DH starts pulling his weight, he might have a relaxing holiday but you’re never going to.