Don’t want to “make friends” with neighbour’s dog…

[randomdogfriend]

NC for this. Sorry it's long!


Small backstory: Neighbour has a yappy dog that never stops, it comes right up to the fence in our back garden and barks incessantly whenever any of us go into the garden. It also barks at passers by on the street - it literally follows them along the fence yapping incessantly as they walk down the street. Neighbour does very little to address this - the occasion half hearted “stop that (name of dog)”, but it doesn’t listen to her and she doesn’t physically remove it. Last year I had a word with the neighbour about this through the fence - the barking was so bad it was upsetting my then newborn aged baby as we sat in the garden. She argued back with me and was generally unpleasant, so I threatened to report her if it didn’t stop. This was around 12 months ago and I’ve had no interactions with her since. The dog has done its usual nuisance barking at the fence when we’ve been out in the garden but I’ve largely tried to ignore it, and now that DD is a bit older she isn’t as startled or bothered by it. So we just largely ignore now.

Today I took DD (now 15 months) out in the garden to play. I sat on the grass relaxing whilst she played. Yappy dog approached the fence as per usual, but we were far enough away from the fence that I could mostly tune it out and just focus on playing with DD. DD didn’t seem remotely bothered by it either. I was then aware of neighbour approaching the fence and heard her say “oh are you saying hello (dogs name)?” Dog continued to incessantly yap. I ignored and continued to play with DD.

Next thing I heard “excuse me can I talk to you?“ through the fence. The fence is too high to see over it, and you can just about make out a person through the slats but I couldn’t really see her. I said “sorry, do you mean me?” (Not really able to see anyone at this point, just a shadow through the fence, and I was also sat a good few feet away from the fence. She said “yes”. I said “erm, yeah I suppose, I can’t see you but I can hear you”. She said “I’m sorry my dog barks and annoys you”. I replied “that’s ok” and then continued to engage with DD who was toddling around (so my attention was more focussed on her and I honestly didn’t want to have any interaction with anyone else at that point). I was hoping this would end the conversation. She continued: “if you made friends with her, she wouldn’t bark at you”. I just again decided to give a one word answer in the hope she would disengage from me as all I wanted to do was relax and play with DD. I replied again “right, ok”. She then continued… “if you made friends with her she wouldn’t bark and then you wouldn’t complain, would you”.

At this point I got irritated as she was pushing an unwanted conversation and also implying I had “complained” when I’d had one interaction with her about this a whole year ago where I’d threatened to complain but not followed that through, and also not mentioned the dog to her since.

I replied: “I just want to enjoy my garden with my DD. I don’t want to have to make friends with a dog through the fence. If your dog is barking constantly it’s because you aren’t training her properly, and that’s up to you to address. It’s not down to other people to make friends with your dog”.

It was more than I wanted to invest in the interaction but to be honest she had annoyed me by that point.

She then said, randomly, “how old is your daughter now?” I replied with her age. In between I was playing with DD and interacting with her, hoping neighbour would get the hint that I didn’t want to engage with her. She then said “what’s her name?” I replied with her name. Just one word answers to try to end it. She then said “ok. I just thought we could be friends that’s all”. Then she (presumably) walked off back to her house (like I say, limited visibility through the fence).

The whole interaction was just so random. Firstly I hadn’t commented on her dog, I was minding my own business and playing with DD. Also a whole year has passed since our last interaction so why approach me now? It would have made sense if I’d complained there and then about the dog, but I’d said nothing. I was just ignoring it as I usually do.

If it’s relevant this isn’t a next door neighbour as such. It’s hard to explain but we are a detached house and her back garden and mine back share a boundary fence. Our houses are nowhere near each other and are actually on separate streets. I am friends with my next door neighbour, by choice, who is lovely. I have no desire to be friends with this other neighbour or her dog.

Was I mean or unreasonable to not want to be friends with either her or her dog? When I'm in my garden I just want to relax and enjoy my garden and my daughter. Is this reasonable? Also, should random people be expected to befriend dogs, or is the onus on the owners to stop the barking regardless?

Any thoughts welcomed.

[randomdogfriend]

@MiniMoosey

I didn't dismiss what came out of her mouth? I said "that's ok" to her apology. I could have said "fuck you", but I didn't. I then said "ok" when she said make friends with the dog. Because I simply didn't want to get into the ins and outs of how fucking ridiculous that suggestion is. But she pushed and pushed .....

[RockinHorseShit]

Article explaining the law in simple paragraphs. Plenty more online or you can check with your local council. But in short, owners of noisy dogs, have a responsibility to sort the problem out or face a fine...

www.countryliving.com/uk/wildlife/pets/a37863537/dogs-barking-owners-fine/

[MiniMoosey]

Do you not understand how a conversation works?

[stuntbubbles]

Your neighbour sounds bloody awful and her dog sounds worse. Not sure why you have to be polite and accommodating to anyone who inflicts a yappy dog on the world.

[randomdogfriend]

@MiniMoosey

Do you not understand how a conversation works?

😂😂😂

Fuck me.

No. No I have no idea. None. 😂

[WhackingPhoenix]

You were so rude. She asked to speak to you and you began the ‘conversation’ with a dismissive ‘erm, yeah I suppose’ as if speaking to her is somehow beneath you, then didn’t actually pay any attention to what she had to say. It wouldn’t have hurt your DD to stop playing for a minute or two while you spoke to your neighbour.

She extended an olive branch and a potential solution to the nuisance barking and you refused to take it. I can’t imagine any reason you wouldn’t want to be on friendly terms with neighbours, especially neighbours who have swallowed their pride and actually asked to be friends. She sounds like she was really trying to make amends and you just shut her down. Didn’t you feel even a tiny bit guilty when she gave up trying to make peace?

Also this is AIBU, why post here if you’re going to stamp your feet and say you weren’t being unreasonable when people have said that you were?

[PlantSpider]

Has somebody else possibly complained more recently and she thinks it’s you?

[Chardonnay73]

You can argue on here until you’re blue in the face about the perceived rights and wrongs of her approaching you IN YOUR GARDEN!!! 😆
But at the end of the day your actions and attitude today are going to have inflamed the situation not calmed it.
Sometimes you just have to look at the long game…. And I don’t think the way you behaved today has helped to achieve what you want, ie a non yapppy dog.
She was rude a year ago to you, you were rude to her today.
Look forward to many more months of yapping and tension….💁

[randomdogfriend]

@MiniMoosey

Do you converse happily with anyone and everyone who initiates interaction with you? You have no boundaries, none at all? Are you just everyone's friend? I mean, it's not for me, but each to their own I guess.

[RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie]

Good lord. You sound a right bundle of laughs.

[randomdogfriend]

@Chardonnay73

You can argue on here until you’re blue in the face about the perceived rights and wrongs of her approaching you IN YOUR GARDEN!!! 😆
But at the end of the day your actions and attitude today are going to have inflamed the situation not calmed it.
Sometimes you just have to look at the long game…. And I don’t think the way you behaved today has helped to achieve what you want, ie a non yapppy dog.
She was rude a year ago to you, you were rude to her today.
Look forward to many more months of yapping and tension….💁

There's not going to be any tension on my part! I'm happily enjoying life. I've tuned the annoying little fucker out, it's just white noise now 😂

[randomdogfriend]

@RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie

Good lord. You sound a right bundle of laughs.

Thank you. I am. With my family, friends, and people I like and choose to spend my time with 😃

[randomdogfriend]

@PlantSpider

Has somebody else possibly complained more recently and she thinks it’s you?

I reckon so!

[troppibambini6]

Just another example of a poster asking opinions and then when she's told by the majority yes she's being unreasonable she's disagrees. What the point in asking?
Sounds like you've both been arseholes she's holding an olive branch and you're still being an arse.

[MiniMoosey]

@randomdogfriend

@MiniMoosey

Do you converse happily with anyone and everyone who initiates interaction with you? You have no boundaries, none at all? Are you just everyone's friend? I mean, it's not for me, but each to their own I guess.

No not at all. But I’m not purposely rude to people. If I can’t or don’t want to talk to someone I apologise and say I’m busy atm. I don’t invite conversation with someone then make them feel small about it. That’s just weird and something that bullies do at school.

I agree with you completely about the dog, but you were rude in how you handled it. And I think you know that which is why you’ve been snappy and defensive about it on here.

[BeerPongChampion]

@randomdogfriend

There's not going to be any tension on my part! I'm happily enjoying life. I've tuned the annoying little fucker out, it's just white noise now 😂

If you’re really not bothered by her or the dog, I do wonder why you even bothered to post. You’re ok with how things are, happy days.

[Womencanlift]

@stuntbubbles

Your neighbour sounds bloody awful and her dog sounds worse. Not sure why you have to be polite and accommodating to anyone who inflicts a yappy dog on the world.

This! The amount of accommodating people are expected to do for dogs on MN is ridiculous.

[DOBARDAN]

Just a thought OP ...
Some posters can be goading and lead you into a never ending downward spiral of trying to explain your side of things
No matter how clear you've been in explaining things already

[randomdogfriend]

@MiniMoosey

Right, but surely it depends on what the person wants to talk to you about? If the topic is of no interest to you, or is likely to irritate you, and you have other priorities, that only becomes apparent after you say "yes" to the person talking to you. I had no idea what she wanted to talk to me about, hence why I said yes. I'm not then obligated to remain engaged in a conversation, am I? Why should I?

I had absolutely no desire to make anyone feel "small". I just - for the 30th time - wanted to be left alone to play with DD.

[randomdogfriend]

@DOBARDAN

Just a thought OP ...
Some posters can be goading and lead you into a never ending downward spiral of trying to explain your side of things
No matter how clear you've been in explaining things already

Thank you, that's a helpful reminder!

[Chardonnay73]

Really? You can honestly drown out a yapping dog that barks every time someone walks near its house?
I don’t believe that for a second.
But…it’s not me that has to live next door to it so glad you’ve been able to channel this zen like state and it won’t bother you in the slightest.

[MiniMoosey]

@randomdogfriend

@MiniMoosey

Right, but surely it depends on what the person wants to talk to you about? If the topic is of no interest to you, or is likely to irritate you, and you have other priorities, that only becomes apparent after you say "yes" to the person talking to you. I had no idea what she wanted to talk to me about, hence why I said yes. I'm not then obligated to remain engaged in a conversation, am I? Why should I?

I had absolutely no desire to make anyone feel "small". I just - for the 30th time - wanted to be left alone to play with DD.

It is ALWAYS rude to give curt one word answers. If you wanted to be left alone then you should have said so and ended the conversation, not left her awkwardly trying to hold the conversation on her own. Imagine you start talking to someone and they just give you one word answers and make it very obvious they don’t want to talk to you? Would that honestly not make you feel like shit?

[randomdogfriend]

@Chardonnay73

Yep! I've had to develop a coping strategy!

[randomdogfriend]

@MiniMoosey

So I should have said something like "I don't want to talk to you anymore, sorry".

And that's not more rude than politely trying to disengage??

[LadyLaSnack]

If I was your neighbour and I wanted to make friends I’d have popped round to your front door with a small olive branch of some kind and a suggestion of a cuppa. What I would not have done is tried to force a conversation through a fence where we couldn’t even see each other, and as part of that conversation find a way to blame you for my dog’s yapping.