Share a hotel room with my mum

[Groovychick10]

Hi I was wondering if you kind mumsnetters could help me please.
My mum has very kindly offered to take me & my toddler away for a weekend,which would be lovely. The only thing is my mum is talking about the three of us sharing a room.
I didn't expect us all to be sharing a room. I thought I'd be me & my toddler in one room & my mum in another room.
I don't mean to sound ungrateful because I really appreciate the gesture but I really don't want to share a room with my mum. I feel really uncomfortable with it & really want my privacy.
I don't know how to discuss it with my mum, I'm worried she'll take it the wrong way.
Help

I'd rather share a room with my mum than with my toddler

Bet yes YABU if you're not paying to expect her to pay double what's needed.

Beggars can't be choosers.

My DM has paid for some lovely weekends away for us. If I'd have turned down the offers just based on that I didn't want to share then my DC would have missed some really special times.

Not sure what the holiday is but ours the rooms were only for sleeping anyway.

Are you worried that if you say no now after having seemed enthusiastic and tell her the truth about why, it'll seem rude or greedy that you'd assumed she'd pay for two rooms? If so, I'd just tell her you didn't think through the sleeping arrangements but have now realised it will be very difficult because of x, y, z specific reasons.

That said - can you not manage for two nights? Won't you be out and about mostly, except late at night/early in the morning/whenever your toddler needs to nap? See if she can request a room with separate beds and make sure there's an en suite; you'll have privacy to change, bathe, etc. in there. If there are specific issues like snoring, keeping very different hours, etc., better to bring them up and see if you can make a plan to work around them. For example if she likes to stay up late and read but your toddler can't sleep with the lights on, perhaps she could plan to read in the hotel lobby or another common area? If you're a shy pee'er, run the water. If she snores, can you use a white noise app to drown it out? (Just examples; only you know the specific issues.)

Also, tell her ASAP if you've changed your mind. If she's booked already it may not be fully refundable, or there may be a deadline to cancel.

If you can't afford to pay for your own room, I would, as PP suggested decline and blame it on the toddler not being comfortable outside their home environment.

As an adult who values their space, I wouldn't want to share with my mother, even without a toddler.

Not having your own space to retreat to sounds like hell to me. If you do go and share, after she has passed on, I would suggest you are much more likely to feel guilty for not having been able to appreciate your generous gesture and even possibly not being able to resist being snappy at some point. That's certainly how I feel about times I spent with my mother as an adult in too close proximity.

It IS weird when it is only for 2 nights and when you are not paying a penny.

There is honestly just not enough money in the world to compensate me for sharing a room with my much loved and appreciated mother.

After fractious early teen years, we have hardly had a cross word since we have each had our own space to retreat to.

YABU, unless you pay the difference.
It would double her accommodation spend.

Why not suggest an air bnb apartment instead, might not be much if a price difference. You can say you're worried about the little one feeling too cooped up!

I understand what you are saying but the OP will not be paying for another room so she either sucks it up or doesn’t go.

The problem is that if you're going to a hotel with a toddler with two separate rooms then you'll be spending the evenings apart from toddler's bedtime. A two bedroom AirBNB with a separate sitting roommakes the best sense: you can put toddler to bed and have a chat together over a bottle of wine and a takeaway pizza.

Can’t believe you can’t share for 2 nights.

I wouldn't expect 2 rooms when it's 2 adults and a toddler. You can't expect her to pay for another room.

So what did you think as you didn't expect to be sharing? You expected 2 rooms then. It's just for sleeping.

My daughter and I used to stay in Premier Inns with 3 children in one room . It was fine and saved a lot of money . How much time will you actually be in the room? Ask for twin beds and a cot or fold up bed for your son . It will be fine . Very generous of your mum. Why miss out ?

You cant pay for the room, you don't want her to pay for the additional room, but you want the additional room? I don't get it.... what are you going to be doing in there that you need privacy? If it was a fortnight i can appreciate getting on each others nerves but for a night or two? odd.

It's not about how much time one spends in the room, it's about sleeping in the same room, getting ready, privacy etc, waking up with someone you're not used to etc - if all that stuff makes someone uncomfortable, telling them to get over themselves doesn't help

I feel like there's more to this story than meets the eye... Especially your concerns about privacy.

I've been away numerous times with my mum, and we've always shared a room with no drama. When it comes to getting dressed/undressed, one simply changes in the bathroom, and the other in the bedroom.

I don't think your mum is being in any way unreasonable to assume her daughter and DGS would all share together.

That being said... My older sister, who has a reasonable - but not more - relationship with our mum... would probably push for separate rooms.