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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Share a hotel room with my mum

115 replies

Groovychick10 · 16/07/2022 16:22

Hi I was wondering if you kind mumsnetters could help me please.
My mum has very kindly offered to take me & my toddler away for a weekend,which would be lovely. The only thing is my mum is talking about the three of us sharing a room.
I didn't expect us all to be sharing a room. I thought I'd be me & my toddler in one room & my mum in another room.
I don't mean to sound ungrateful because I really appreciate the gesture but I really don't want to share a room with my mum. I feel really uncomfortable with it & really want my privacy.
I don't know how to discuss it with my mum, I'm worried she'll take it the wrong way.
Help

OP posts:
Original poster
Groovychick10 · 16/07/2022 16:57

erinaceus · 16/07/2022 16:47

Do you feel able to discuss this with your mum?

Are you worried that she might think that you are ungrateful, or be offended that you do not want to share with her?

I don't think you can reasonably expect her to pay for separate rooms based on your preferences, but between you you might be able to come up with a compromise that you have not thought of, such as a bigger family-type room, a cheaper hotel, she takes the toddler off your hands for a weekend (not sure how you would feel about that), or something else.

Yes I am worried she'll think I'm ungrateful. I'm honestly not trying to be unappreciative & ungrateful. I'm not expecting her to pay but I honestly can't afford it. I'm not sure what to do?

OP posts:
Loveisnotloving · 16/07/2022 17:01

WHAT is the problem though. WHY would you not feel comfortable? Can you be specific? This is your mother, your child's grandparent, not some work colleague you are being forced to share with at a seminar.

EllaB22 · 16/07/2022 17:02

Would you toddler enjoy or not really?

SquishyGloopyBum · 16/07/2022 17:04

Why is it you don't want to share? What is it specifically?

She might get annoyed at you if you just say thanks but no thanks?

Could you make the best of it so that you get to take your DS away?

PresidentByeThen · 16/07/2022 17:05

I think you can only either put up with sharing for two days, or don't go and risk upsetting your mum.

Just be honest with her, say you love her dearly but don't feel comfortable/not used to sharing.

parenthood1989 · 16/07/2022 17:06

I'm not expecting her to pay but I honestly can't afford it. I'm not sure what to do?

The only option you have is to decline her offer.

Caminante · 16/07/2022 17:06

Laney212 · 16/07/2022 16:38

Before my mum passed away, I would have probably felt the same as you. Now I would give anything to go away with her.

Future you might thank you for just getting on with it and sharing the room!

I feel the same although I don't think this is helpful to the OP.

I'm someone who doesn't like sharing and I recently shared a room with one of my adult daughters on a trip and it was fine.

daisypond · 16/07/2022 17:07

It would never have occurred to me that Mum would book two rooms -of course you would share. I’m baffled that you thought otherwise.

Maves · 16/07/2022 17:08

You're being a bit ungrateful tbf, it's your mum you'll literally be sleeping in the room not sitting in there all day I'm struggling to see a major issue wound you really cancel and deprive your lad of a holiday?

HollowTalk · 16/07/2022 17:09

@Womencanlift I wouldn’t have an issue sharing with my mum, in fact I have done many times for trips away. So I personally feel it’s a bit strange that you would give up the offer of a break for that reason

The thing is, there is absolutely no connection between your first sentence and the second. Your relationship with your mum is completely different from the poster's relationship with her mother.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 16/07/2022 17:10

Op feels like she feels. I don't think you've said why you can't suggest an Air B n B though @Groovychick10 ?

SpringIntoChaos · 16/07/2022 17:11

Good lord! I'd be really upset if my two (adult) girls felt this strongly about sharing a bloody hotel room with me for the weekend!!

It's YOUR MUM!!

I literally have to kick my two out of my room when they come to stay...they both still get in for a cuddle too (with all my grandchildren joining them 🥰🤣🥰) It's not weird or unusual to share a room with your mum for a holiday weekend 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Get over yourself (or address your issues!!)

HangOnToYourself · 16/07/2022 17:12

It would never even occur to me for a short break to get separate rooms, total waste of money. I'm not close to my mum but I struggle to imagine a scenario where I wouldnt feel comfortable sharing a room with her, what is it exactly that is.worrying you?

Imogensmumma · 16/07/2022 17:12

What exactly will make you awkward? None of this makes sense with me I went on a cruise for two weeks with my father and nothing was awkward so can’t comprehend why 2 nights will be awkward!

I think if you already said yes before realising it was one room you will have to put your big girl pants on and deal for two nights, otherwise your DM will be hurt by your ungratefulness

FacebookPhotos · 16/07/2022 17:13

I'm with you OP - I wouldn't share a room either. I need time alone to decompress and properly relax. Doesn't matter if other people think it's weird. You don't want to so you don't have to. It's okay to say "thanks, but no" if someone offers you a treat you wouldn't actually enjoy.

justfiveminutes · 16/07/2022 17:14

I am a mum to four adult children and regularly share a room with one or two of them. Sometimes I invite them and sometimes they invite me. We usually investigate a second room but share if the cost is too much. I think it's a shame you don't feel that you can share with your mum for two nights. I'm sure she loves you both a lot and would be hurt. Imagine your DS saying that to you in a few years. You will have twin beds and an ensuite bathroom so I don't understand the problem. We agree a morning alarm and one of us uses the bathroom while the other one watches tv or reads.

Augend23 · 16/07/2022 17:14

What about looking at different types of holiday? How much do you think your mum was anticipating spending on a room for the two of you for two nights? We often find we can get an AirBnB for same price as a hotel with two sleeping areas. Or would it work if it was a hotel room with a separate sitting room area just so you had a bit more space?

I'd also have a think about what it is that worries you so much about sharing a room. I don't massively enjoy sharing a room and wouldn't choose to do so for an entire holiday but I can manage for a night or two. I would definitely rather have a free holiday sharing a room than no holiday at all. You've mentioned privacy reasons but that seems quite vague - I have got changed in the bathroom etc before if I wasn't comfortable changing in front of someone.

easyday · 16/07/2022 17:16

Would you consider a family room? Would an Airbnb flat with two bedrooms be possible?
If not, I'd tell your mum that you really appreciate the offer but you feel that due to your child's needs you would need your own room (possibly connecting so you could still spend the evening with your mum when your child goes to sleep) but you can't afford to cover it. If she says she can pay for it great, if not there it is.

justfiveminutes · 16/07/2022 17:16

If you really don't feel that you can do it I think you must frame it as feeling worried about how your ds will react to the unfamiliar situation. Please don't mention a second room or she will feel under pressure to pay for one. And please don't even allude to the fact that you can't bear to share a room with her as that is really quite hurtful.

Womencanlift · 16/07/2022 17:18

HollowTalk · 16/07/2022 17:09

@Womencanlift I wouldn’t have an issue sharing with my mum, in fact I have done many times for trips away. So I personally feel it’s a bit strange that you would give up the offer of a break for that reason

The thing is, there is absolutely no connection between your first sentence and the second. Your relationship with your mum is completely different from the poster's relationship with her mother.

What I meant, and similar to what many other posters have also said, is that it is strange from my/other posters perspectives feeling strange about sharing with their mum

FacebookPhotos · 16/07/2022 17:20

Get over yourself (or address your issues!!)

Being different to how you feel doesn't mean the OP has issues ffs. Some people are introverts and need time alone to recharge after social interactions. Doesn't mean they love their mums any less, nor that there is something wrong with them. It's okay to be introverted.

HollowTalk · 16/07/2022 17:22

I don't understand why so many people feel that just because they can do this with their mother that everyone should be able to do it. Surely when you read enough of the threads on here you learn that not everybody has a really close physical relationship with their mother? Also some people don't sleep well at night and need to be on their own at night. It's not rocket science.

ginsparkles · 16/07/2022 17:23

Could you find a two bed apartment type thing to stay in instead of a hotel room? Often works out cheaper because you'd have to sort your own food and it won't have the same facilities but we have often used them instead of hotels on short breaks

Bigmouthshouthotair · 16/07/2022 17:28

Groovychick10 · 16/07/2022 16:49

@alphapie there's nothing weird about not wanting to share a room. I know plenty of adults with kids not wanting to share a room with their parents.

They then pay for their own.

HTH

Jackanackanory · 16/07/2022 17:31

OP, is it a snoring or ‘using the loo’ issue’? The reason I ask is that I know someone who won’t share a hotel room with any of her family or friends as she is so worried about someone hearing her on the loo. I also would never share a room with anyone other than my partner because I used to be a terrible snorer and it embarrassed me (thankfully I don’t snore much now!).

If your reason for not wanting to share is about embarrassment, I can understand it. If it’s not about that, I don’t really have any advice. It would be shame for you and your child to miss out on a nice little break with your mum though.