Is this fair? £800 spent only on one of four children?

[fairfayrefare]

My dad has four children and has been speaking about getting my brother a new bike which costs around £800 for his birthday. He is the only boy and us others are girls. We are all adults well into our 40's.

We all work. Most minimum wage jobs but brother probably has the least disposable income due to house/family costs.

I just got a card for my birthday this year.

Is that fair?

Am I right to be annoyed that we are being treated differently or should I accept it's his money to do as he pleases?

YANBU. Return the favour with just a card for dads birthday & Father’s Day. When he asks where the presents are just say as you only got a card for your birthday you thought he was struggling financially so didn’t want to make him feel like he had to get you more than a card.
I don’t give gifts to get gifts but I suffer with gift guilt when I am given a gift & can’t give one back.

You are all 40+. It's your Dad's money to spend as he wishes. At your age he doesn't owe you anything. Grow up.

Oh come on! You're grown ups, not children. If your db isn't as well off as you, he's entitled to a bit more support (if his parents can afford it). As there are four of you, your df could have to spend £32000 if he had to treat you all the same!

Yes it is

How else is she supposed to refer to herself and her siblings relationship to their dad other than being his children? 🤔

Yes you’ve got a right to feel upset by this. Personally I wouldn’t mind, but my mum would never do that as my brother always made sure she gave us exactly the same cost wise, down to the penny! I made sure my 3 didn’t grow up like that. I never think about if I spend more on one than the other, don’t really add up what bday presents come to, none of my kids mind.

£800 is a lot though, compared to a card. I can see what that’s a bit hurtful.

Dillydollydingdong · Yesterday 14:55

Oh come on! You're grown ups, not children. If your db isn't as well off as you, he's entitled to a bit more support (if his parents can afford it). As there are four of you, your df could have to spend £32000 if he had to treat you all the same!

No he wouldn't, he'd have had to spend £3200 - slight difference !
Alternatively he could have spent £100 on each child and had change out of his £800 and no one would be feeling hurt.

My sister is a single mum on low wages.

I am married, both DH and I have decent jobs, as do my siblings and their partners.

Would I begrudge my mum giving financial assistance to my sister and not me? Would I shite!! I wouldn't care if I never got a gift off my mum again and she gave my sister the money instead.

We moved away from family because of this in order to preserve relationships so we simply don't hear about it. We cut down conversations that are heading in that direction and change the subject.

Mum enjoys being a 'mother' to a child (despite them being late 30s) so it's a co-dependency which they all enjoy. Sibling has to be included in everything we do with parents, so they get a load of money to 'even things up' and monopolise every visit we take home.

For us it's the entitlement that makes us cross. At Christmas parents bought our child a really fun gift and sibling's child got a similarly sized and priced gift. Ours was something you build with and sibling asked for some bits to stay at parents house so their child could play with it (think a big box of Lego pieces). Effectively getting their gift and half of our child's gift. Parents were quite shocked when we said no.

Sis honestly I get mad over things like this too at 31.. I know what it means to be treated like a second class citizen to my brother very well my whole life and I have 2 living. From trips to my mom taking out loans for them to go to school.I had to pay for my own first car when both my brothers got cars handed to them no questions asked. My brother receives more help with his kids even though I'm the single parent and he has a fiancee lol. Parents have to realize that messes up the sibling dynamics when they do this. Im the one less likely to receive help because they view me as being More mature and independent they are less likely to ask me if I need help until I'm having a breakdown. But they love to tell me that I have to be strong lmao and they've been their but help my brothers the best they could lol. I just deal with them when I have to honestly and leave them alone any other time so I don't have to worry about it.