Husband thinks I was wrong for letting toddler do this

[kellyb85]

Ok so we went for a walk with 3 year ds today and we rushed out the door as in-laws were round (again at teatime!!!!!!)
anyway we had only been walking for 5 minutes when I noticed my little lad was holding himself. I asked him if he needs a wee and he said quite urgently yes I’m going to wee myself. He has only recently potty trained so although I’m trying to get him to hold it a little more, when he has to go he has to go! So I quickly get him to a drain and me and daughter make a little circle around him and let him wee in a drain. My husband was mortified by this! He couldn’t believe I let this happen right in the middle of the street, I explained that he was desperate and it was our fault and surely a quick wee in a drain then walking round with a massive wet patch on his pants
what would you do in this situation?
obviously usually he goes before we leave the house but as we are still new to potty training we, the parents also need training! Also this is something I wouldn’t normally do as I would try and find somewhere to hide but a I knew the area and knew there wasn’t anywhere close by the middle of a street was our only option. it is also a very quiet street

just curious as to what everyone thinks. My husband thought it made us look like ‘tramps’

Wild wees are necessary for young children at times, I'd probably try and find a tree if possible but a drain is a good idea in an emergency.

Totally fine. Your DH is being weird.

lol

YANBU
All 3 of my then little boys have had their time weeing over a drain cover .
Even my little girl at some points but she just bent down a little (she was only teeny anyway). Like You , OP, I shielded her from view and it was a quick tinkle anyway

Absolutely no issue with little ones weeing over a drain cover, or anywhere I'm not likely to walk in it frankly. What I did find gross was when we were out with 4yo nephew and he was allowed to just stop at the side of the park path and wee when there was a perfectly good bush 3 steps away.

As a child in the seventies I do remember lots of small children being dangled over drains / gutters for a wee.

Kids are always peeing outside it's fine. I don't have children yet but I remember being held over bushes by my mum and I've done the same for my cousins little ones.

It's pretty normal. Nobody cares.

Nerd alert

A few years back there was a Dr Who documentary. One of the stories was when they were filming in Trafalger Square back in the 60s. After a couple of hours one of the daleks needed a wee. So found himself a drain and did his business, much easier than getting out of the dalek, he turned around to go back to the film set and the other 3 daleks had formed an orderly queue behind him waiting for the drain.

If it’s good enough for a dalek your DH is an idiot.

I think it's normal. I'm not sure I had to do this with dd1 but she would rather hold it and was a battle to get her to use a loo anywhere but our house tbh. Dd2 has been held over numerous bushes when she has decided she absolutely needs a wee! As long as it is not somewhere where you wouldn't want wee on the floor and you don't chuck tissues around, needs must sometimes.

Your DH is an idiot if he thinks it’s ok to ask a 3yr old to hold on indefinitely.

My DH (60’s) can’t hold his bladder so well these days and often has ‘wild wees’ if we’re out on a walk. We do live rurally so I’m talking wee-ing in a field. Obviously in a town, you find a cafe or pub with toilets.

Alfresco weed for girls is definitely a knack! For little girls you have to put their back on your thighs and hold them up by their thighs and pray they don’t wee on your shoes 😂 a 3yo trying to squat just means wet shoes . Oh the joys of potty training

Oops no I never did alfresco weed ever😂 I have done wees

Believe it or not I’ve seen an adult do this. In the middle of the day. Near St Paul’s in London (so not a quiet street).

I was a bit disgusted by that. But I couldn’t care less about a 3yo doing it.

Your DH is being a complete nitwit. What would he have chosen to do instead?

We were at a NT property, when DS was about 5, and after a very long day returned to the more distant carpark to find toilets shut for the day. DS had us creased, as we watched him wee against a bush, then use a leaf to dry off.

The thing about making kids go before you leave the house (or going yourself) apparently doesn’t assist proper brain to bladder control- I learned this at a pelvic floor workshop. Not saying I don’t continue to ignore this advice and equally not saying I don’t need wild wees myself either!

It’s not ideal I guess at least in our society, but kids don’t behave ideally in any circumstance and what would hubby have done - embarrassed his son by letting him have an accident?
Doing this with a small daughter in a safari type park as I wouldn’t have got her, kid stuff, and 3 small sisters back to a toilet we found that whilst chimp enclosure was empty on our side when we started within seconds there was the whole tribe at our side pointing and chattering- assuming as her rear was being displayed 🤦🏻‍♀️

Does your DH do much child care OP? Dad would be expected to solve that little problem, if we 3 were out together.

Well what did your DH expect? For him to wet himself and have to walk around in soiled clothes?

I was looking after 3 yo nephew and he waited until he was at the top of the slide and did a wee down it…. Mortified and lots of antibacterial spray and paper towels, gifted/borrowed from nearby cafe, later but no one died. Nephew proud he didn’t wet himself! Think DH needs to lighten up and be realistic about toddler needs. I hadn’t checked often enough re wee needs and well this was the outcome.

I sometimes see parents doing this with their small children, and holding the girls over the drain/gutter is always trickier lol. Most people with half a brain will realise from the age of the child that they're probably caught short while toilet training, and there's no toilet nearby. I don't see any shame in it because children that young don't have as good control over their bladders, and I'd rather they do this then let the child wet their clothes.

Tell your husband to grow up.

God, what is wrong with your DH?! He should be proud of that boy for saying he needed to go, rather than panic and just wet himself. Good for him! Absolutely nothing wrong with an outdoor wee when needed. For little kids, I mean. My stbexh wees outside all the time and I find that disgusting. He's done it several times at a beach we go to, just off in the sand dunes. But worse than that, one time he just whipped it out straight after getting out of the car when we parked at the same beach, no hiding or going somewhere discreet, just straight out. I couldn't speak to him the rest of the rest, and he didn't understand why 🙄

I don't have kids but I wouldn't bat an eyelid at a toddler weeing over a drain. I mean, needs must, right? In an ideal world they'd always manage a wee before leaving the house but there's always going to be the occasional emergency when they're getting the hang of the whole potty-training business, isn't there? They can't just hang on like an older kid could.

If I was, say, waiting for a bus, I would definitely rather be seated next to a toddler who had just had a wee in a drain than one who was sitting in his own piss.

*rest of the day

You are so not being unreasonable !

However, just a warning, maybe it's a boy thing, but once I had let my son wee in a drain (completely out of sight of anyone) he was very keen to repeat the experience with alfreso weeing whether or not it was an urgent need !