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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Had an uncomfortable conversation with Inlaws

252 replies

Anonabc · 14/07/2022 18:38

I have anxiety and overanalyse everything, I’m not in a good place at the moment. Went around the Inlaws with the kids and feel I may have said too much and I am cringing. Not to drip feed but Inlaws think DH is a god who can do no wrong.

They asked how house hunting was going and I told them the truth that DH is being very picky and perfectly good houses are going as a result, after a while he realises we missed a good deal but then it’s too late. This resulted in them going into a rant saying well it’s a big decision and he is right in being picky. I told them I’m stressed as I’m booking house viewing for every Saturday but it seems pointless. I told them I’m stressed about the house situation and the fact I’m 100% in charge of looking after the kids plus I work. Their response was I shouldn’t work. I told them I need to earn money.

for context DH has an incredibly good job but is very tight with money. I actually did leave work at one point but he kept making me feel like crap that I don’t contribute to the house (even though I took care of the kids and the house). We have separate bank accounts so I only really have my money to spend as he doesn’t give me anything. When he does it’s like a big deal.

I wish I hadn’t revealed so much to Inlaws but it pisses me off as I know MIL makes it out that I don’t have to work as DH has a good job, and they make it out that I’m too career focused! The truth is I’m drowning with the stress of looking after the kids, working, taking care of household stuff, looking for a new house plus being the sole person in charge of the kids social activities and clubs. Did I tell them too much by telling them we have separate bank accounts and he doesn’t give me any money so I must work.

OP posts:
SpiralHecate · 15/07/2022 21:35

I do think you should leave him, because from what you've said he sounds financially and emotionally abusive. However be wary of divorce and child support etc, Family courts these days tend to favour father in contested custody cases, and abusive men will often go for custody as a means of punishing the mother, even if they were quite happy to let their wives do all of the parenting before. What I mean is, divorce isn't the simple solution a lot of posters seem to think it is.

Do you have somewhere you can go with the children? Family you can stay with? You should start thinking and planning your exit strategy because this guy isn't going to change.

FluffingMarvellous · 16/07/2022 10:05

SpiralHecate · 15/07/2022 21:35

I do think you should leave him, because from what you've said he sounds financially and emotionally abusive. However be wary of divorce and child support etc, Family courts these days tend to favour father in contested custody cases, and abusive men will often go for custody as a means of punishing the mother, even if they were quite happy to let their wives do all of the parenting before. What I mean is, divorce isn't the simple solution a lot of posters seem to think it is.

Do you have somewhere you can go with the children? Family you can stay with? You should start thinking and planning your exit strategy because this guy isn't going to change.

Really? Family courts are taking kids off their mothers in favour of fathers?

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