Should I pick up a crying newborn every time?

[DangerouslyBored]

Currently 6 months pregnant with PFB. Chatting with in laws recently, my MiL said, “you’re not going to be one of those mothers that picks up the baby every time it cries are you?”. I said I hadn’t really thought about it. She said, “you will make a rod for your own back if you do”.

So, I Googled ‘should I pick up my newborn every time they cry?’ and I’m as much in the dark as I was when I started. Seems that there is a ton of contradictory advice / studies on the subject. Can anyone fill me in on the latest advice?

Pick your baby up.

Of course you should. A baby cries for a reason, it could be hungry, wet or just wanting company.

I didn’t do the ‘cry it out’ method and my kids are fine. Very independent and sociable. I always hated seeing babies crying and the parents just ignoring them. However this is your child OP and you need to decide what is best for you, your going to get a ridiculous amount of ‘advice’

Yes you should pick up your crying baby. Tiny babies don't have the capacity to manipulate or cry for attention they don't need. If they're crying, they need something and only you (or another adult) can provide that.

Of course you do. You MIL is a dickhead-ignore her, preferably for the next 21 years. Google the 4th trimester, anything else is quite frankly abusive.

All this rod for your own back stuff is bollocks and neglectful

I picked mine up couldn’t do the leave them to cry shenanigans. Both were content babies and slept well most of the time.

you pick them up. your mils advice is like something from the 1970s

they cry because they need you, they are cold, or wet, or tired, or hungry

Read Dr spock!

Please don't listen to that! When I was in hospital after having both of my children, I was told you cannot spoil a newborn with too much love. They don't even know that you are a separate person to them for the first few weeks. It is your child, follow your instincts and pick them up if you want to!

This idea of making a rod for your own back by picking up your newborn when they cry is so outdated and cruel in my opinion! If anything, surely your child will be more reassured by knowing you're there when they need you. They don't stay that wee for long so give them all the love and comfort you can!

Yes! If your baby needs comfort then you comfort it!! You wouldn't leave anyone crying would you?!

100% pick them up!

Look into Gentle parenting and if it resonates with you I highly recommend Sarah Ockwell Smith Books. She also has many articles online and on her social media. But yes, you should pick up your newborn baby everytime they cry unless it is one of those light cries they do before falling asleep etc. You will be able to recognize different baby's cries and will know what will make them calm. Your MIL sounds very old fashioned, take her advice very very carefully, listen to your instincts and latest research. Good luck. You will figure it out by yourself once you get to know your baby :)

Your mother in law is being a dickhead. And she’s a being a level ten dickhead on account of the fact your baby isn’t even here yet. Learn to tune her out. She’s going to have dickhead opinions on everything.

She will have lots of "advice" on how things were done in her day - don't let her make you feel bad for doing things your way (or the way we as society do it now we know more).

Crying is a newborns only method of communication. And they technically should still be inside us for another 3 mo this but then we couldn't birth them.

So for those few months (aka fourth trimester) it's in your and baby's best interest to respond to their cries.

Fussing - cuddles/shhh/patting/rocking
Crying - boob/bottle/nappy/cuddled/shh/patting/rocking.

Anyone who makes you feel bad for answering your baby when they ask for something is a dick.

Of course you should pick them up. You can’t “spoil” a baby.

Put down boundaries and tell your MIL to butt out - now.

Babies cry if something is wrong, because it’s their only means of communication - either they’re hungry, in pain, ill, wet or soiled, hot or cold. You need to pick them up to comfort them.

Old fashioned ideas about looking after babies included parking them in a pram at the end of the garden so you could get on with your housework - we don’t do that anymore either! Never leave a baby to cry.

Unless they are just grunting a bit, yes of course.

If you don’t they will learn that if they cry no one comes to them. So they’ll probably cry a bit less, but you don’t really want them thinking that.

You might want to practice saying ‘modern thinking/research suggests this is best’ to your MIL if she’s going to be quite forthright about the best way of doing things.

Sorry, I’m being grumpy, legitimately because my baby had cried every five minutes today and I’m sick of picking her up because it’s hot and I’m sweaty. But I’ve done it anyway!

Yes pick them up!

Yes! That is my opinion as a midwife, health visitor and mother of four

Yes, unless you need the toilet, then it’s acceptable to let your baby cry for a few minutes.

other than in the above scenario, I always picked mine up. They’re very independent and the least clingy children you could imagine now.

Yes I did. I've got 2 boys, and as newborns I picked them up if they cried and it was safe to do so. So, mid nappy change? No, I finished the job, then picked them up and comforted them. In the car? No, I just kept driving if I knew they were safe, fed, and dry.

As they get older I did however learn their grumbling from crying. Proper crying? yes I still pick them up, but if its just a grumble, I try and comfort them other ways, like distraction with a toy, or singing or aging with them.

It sounds kind of like you might have one of 'those' MIL's!!

My father (medical professional) said that to my mother when she had my eldest sibling. She ignored him. We’re all fine and they’re still married!

Yes

You'll hear all sorts of different advice about everything when you have your baby, and most of it you'll probably work out yourself, depending on your circumstances and how you feel.
Even the so called "experts" will disagree with each other!

Personally I always picked mine up, unless I literally couldn't eg on the toilet etc! I read that babies cry because they have a need. That need may be feeding, changing, warmth, illness, or just wanting a cuddle and company. The theory is that if you always meet that need, they will be less fretful and generally more relaxed, in the knowledge that if they cry, someone will come. Babies who are ignored will initially up the ante, crying at the slightest thing, out of fear of being ignored. Eventually they give up, because they know that no one will come, which makes me sad just thinking about it.

Having said that, you need to take care of yourself too, and there will be times when you feel desperate and exhausted, and just need a moment to compose yourself. In those situations it's OK to leave a baby for a short while as long as they're safe.

Yes you should. There are exceptions, for example if you’re overwhelmed it’s okay to put them somewhere safe, walk away and take a breather and then go back to them. Driving is another one, sometimes you just have to get from a to b. But for the most part, yes you do x

back in the day women didn’t have time to stand around snuggling then newborns there were no washing machines, there were no dishwashers, no vacuum cleaners and if the house got dirty people got sick and they died and that would’ve been where the advice would’ve come from that it’s alright to sometimes leave the baby and crack on with the house work because the reality of it is they didn’t feel they had a lot of choice.

Of course many people did use slings and held the babies almost 24 seven whilst getting on with what they needed to do but they went out of fashion in the 1920s and that is where this advice is still filtering through from your mother-in-law‘s mother.

we know better now.