To think this could be harmless sexting?

Cherrycakepop · 2022-07-13T07:25:50+00:00

I've been with my husband 6 years, married for 2. I've always been faithful, can't see that changing. But recently I've been sexting men. He knows about this as I told him out of guilt. But I'm worried about why I'm doing this. I know where to draw the line, but obviously I feel bad about doing it after I've got what I need from it. Please don't be mean.

Mercurial123 · 13/07/2022 08:38

So you'd be happy for your husband to be doing the same with random women?

bloodywhitecat · 13/07/2022 08:40

You haven't been faithful though have you.

Fawnia · 13/07/2022 08:40

I've always been faithful, can't see that changing

erm…. You are being unfaithful

Ponoka7 · 13/07/2022 08:40

You've cheated. If my partner wasn't worried about this, I'd wonder why. There's obviously something missing or not right in your relationship, for both of you.

ChiselandBits · 13/07/2022 08:42

If you are sexting someone other than your partner then no it cannot be "harmless". I'm pretty good at compartmentalising sex and feelings and quite happy to have FWB arrangements etc but if you are in a relationship then this is not ok. As the pp said - you simply have to consider how you would feel if your DP was doing it. Additionally, its only a matter of time before someone suggests meeting up to make it real.

BlueKaftan · 13/07/2022 08:42

Perhaps you’re doing it because you like the attention and the thrill. Also written words can be very erotic. Depending on your relationship those things should be fulfilled within your marriage?

Stevienickssnickers · 13/07/2022 08:42

Reverse or someone woke up early on the school holidays.

Annoyedwithmyself · 13/07/2022 08:42

Are you and your husband happy with each other sexting other people? Are they men you know or strangers online?

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 13/07/2022 08:43

How does your husband feel? For most people you have already crossed over the line.

ilovelurchers · 13/07/2022 08:43

Well if your partner doesn't mind then to be honest it's fine isn't it - a form of open relationship really.

If he does mind then it is a problem and you need to stop.

Original poster

Cherrycakepop · 13/07/2022 09:01

He was very upset and hurt when I told him. It took us a while to get over it but then I went and did it again. It is about getting attention and a sexual thrill. I don't want the men themselves, it's the content that turns me on. They are strangers from the Internet, the last one actually was from MN, but then progressed to WhatsApp.

OP posts:

Icanstillrecallourlastsummer · 13/07/2022 09:04

Well you are doing something you know your husband would be very upset about. In your scenario, if I were your husband and had already worked through it once and then found you were doing it again I would leave you.
It sounds like maybe some kind of addiction? Could you seek some help e.g. therapy to stop?

Original poster

Cherrycakepop · 13/07/2022 09:05

Stevienickssnickers · 13/07/2022 08:42

Reverse or someone woke up early on the school holidays.

It's not a reverse. Women do bad things in relationships too and have sexual feelings. It's not just men that do this kind of thing. I've name changed as don't want it linked to my other posts and the man in question is on MN.

OP posts:

Onlyforcake · 13/07/2022 09:06

Attention and sexual thrill = You get a kick out of cheating and hurtful behaviour. You keep doing it because that's who you are. I wish him better luck next time.

ImprobablePuffin · 13/07/2022 09:07

Well firstly sexting is not harmless.

Secondly you are absolutely being unfaithful.

Thirdly, presumably this works both ways and your husband is also welcome to sext other women?

Fourthly I really don't think this can be real

DirtonthePlough · 13/07/2022 09:09

Read an erotic novel instead and get a divorce. Cheating is unforgivable.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 13/07/2022 09:10

Buy a pet.

Helldiddleydingdongcrap · 13/07/2022 09:11

Reverse

no, it’s not on. Sackable offence in my book.

comealongponds · 13/07/2022 09:12

YABVU

you’re kidding yourself if you think you’re faithful

if you’re not happy with your DP to the extent you go seeking sexual attention from strangers then you need to grow up and leave the relationship, not continue cheating on him

Original poster

Cherrycakepop · 13/07/2022 09:13

Why can't it be real? You think women don't ever cheat? I love my husband. I would never physically cheat. Firstly I never get chance and secondly I don't actually have the desire to do that. It's not the deceit that I got a kick out of, it was the content of the messages. I thought it may have been harmless as I'd separated it in my head from my husband, but obviously it's not harmless as I had to offload my guilt onto him, which then hurt him. I haven't done it since the last he knew about.

OP posts:

10HailMarys · 13/07/2022 09:14

How can you possibly be asking if this is 'harmless' when you know your husband was incredibly hurt by it? You're cheating on him.

If it's the content that turns you on, rather than the men, have you tried looking up erotic stories online?

ImprobablePuffin · 13/07/2022 09:15

Cherrycakepop · 13/07/2022 09:13

Why can't it be real? You think women don't ever cheat? I love my husband. I would never physically cheat. Firstly I never get chance and secondly I don't actually have the desire to do that. It's not the deceit that I got a kick out of, it was the content of the messages. I thought it may have been harmless as I'd separated it in my head from my husband, but obviously it's not harmless as I had to offload my guilt onto him, which then hurt him. I haven't done it since the last he knew about.

But you said you had done it again since you told him.
And even if it's not physical it's still cheating.
I said this can't be real because your being so blasé about it, you don't seem to have a shred of guilt or remorse and that's not really normal.

savethatkitty · 13/07/2022 09:15

Get a divorce or buy a vibrator.

misskatamari · 13/07/2022 09:18

I'm not going to pile on with the "you're cheating" stuff, but your behaviour is not that of a loving, respectful partner.

You need to stop doing it, and work on yourself and on earning your husbands trust back, if he still wants to continue the relationship.

Maybe counselling, to help you dig into why you feel the need to seek this excitement/validation from strangers. Work on your self esteem etc, and take a long look at what got your to this point.

We're all human. People make mistakes. But you need to own that and work hard on making amends and understanding why you did this, to avoid repeating this pattern.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 13/07/2022 09:19

EmeraldShamrock1 · 13/07/2022 09:10

Buy a pet.

I don't think we should be encouraging beastiality 😉

OP yes you're a cheat and you know you shouldn't be doing it but crack on. Just be sure to tell your DH so he can decide whether he wants to stay with his cheating wife