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Original poster

To think this could be harmless sexting?

156 replies

Cherrycakepop · 13/07/2022 08:25

I've been with my husband 6 years, married for 2. I've always been faithful, can't see that changing. But recently I've been sexting men. He knows about this as I told him out of guilt. But I'm worried about why I'm doing this. I know where to draw the line, but obviously I feel bad about doing it after I've got what I need from it. Please don't be mean.

OP posts:
ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 13/07/2022 10:45

You are immature and an attention seeker. I am not being unkind, but giving you my opinion. I was contacted by a teenage ex some time ago, and I was flattered that he said things about he wished he had made more effort back then, etc. Then the conversation turned graphic and I wanted nothing to do with it, and was very deflated. It then turned out that a) he was married and b) he got in contact with another ex, the one after me, and sent her a video of his Willy. He was sent on his way with a flea in his ear, to use an old phrase.

He is also an immature attention seeker.

If you want to talk filthy, why don't you do it with your husband? Or is it that he isn't into that and you are mismatched? You might be better off with my horrid ex.

Original poster
Cherrycakepop · 13/07/2022 10:50

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 13/07/2022 10:45

You are immature and an attention seeker. I am not being unkind, but giving you my opinion. I was contacted by a teenage ex some time ago, and I was flattered that he said things about he wished he had made more effort back then, etc. Then the conversation turned graphic and I wanted nothing to do with it, and was very deflated. It then turned out that a) he was married and b) he got in contact with another ex, the one after me, and sent her a video of his Willy. He was sent on his way with a flea in his ear, to use an old phrase.

He is also an immature attention seeker.

If you want to talk filthy, why don't you do it with your husband? Or is it that he isn't into that and you are mismatched? You might be better off with my horrid ex.

I wouldn't say immaturity is anything to do with it. Just an extremely high sex drive and a history of depression.

OP posts:
Zodiac32 · 13/07/2022 11:01

You aren't taking advice tho OP
What's the point in this thread if you're going to carry on anyway. You've got a few more guys in your inbox but that's about it. Good luck

Matrons · 13/07/2022 11:05

I don't think it's cheating. It seems like ur not fulfilled and are seeking thrills elsewhere that ur not getting from partner. Its a dangerous game to play in my opinion. Could get out of hand and gives him an excuse to do similar or worse. Stop it and work on ur relationship....

Original poster
Cherrycakepop · 13/07/2022 11:08

Zodiac32 · 13/07/2022 11:01

You aren't taking advice tho OP
What's the point in this thread if you're going to carry on anyway. You've got a few more guys in your inbox but that's about it. Good luck

I'm not sure what else I can do. I'm not actually talking to anyone at the moment. I've spoke to 2 men, which he both knows about and I'm not done anything since. I know it's wrong. Maybe I just wanted to vent. I'm not going to do it again.

OP posts:
Dustnbones · 13/07/2022 11:09

I am divorcing my husband for exactly this. I caught him, he promised it would stop and he did it again. He said it didn’t change how he felt about me, that he doesn’t respect these women and they mean nothing to him.

When I look at him, he disgusts me. He is desperate to save our marriage but I can’t wait for it to be over now. He has lost everything for the sake of a cheap thrill and quite honestly I don’t have an ounce of sympathy for him.

if you want to keep your marriage you need to make some changes and quickly but I’m not sure it’s ever possible to get the trust back, particularly when you have done it a second time.

VioletInsolence · 13/07/2022 11:12

Cherrycakepop · 13/07/2022 09:13

Why can't it be real? You think women don't ever cheat? I love my husband. I would never physically cheat. Firstly I never get chance and secondly I don't actually have the desire to do that. It's not the deceit that I got a kick out of, it was the content of the messages. I thought it may have been harmless as I'd separated it in my head from my husband, but obviously it's not harmless as I had to offload my guilt onto him, which then hurt him. I haven't done it since the last he knew about.

It just isn’t real. I’m discovering that after so many hours on here something clicks and you just know.

dudsville · 13/07/2022 11:13

Are you ok with being in a relationship where you know you're hurting your partner and making him feel awful? This isn't harmless. And I think telling your partner and then doing it again is actually an attack on him.

Marvellousmadness · 13/07/2022 11:15

Dont be mean you say....
Girl... you are sexting other men
AND you told your partner about it

You are tr*sh.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 13/07/2022 11:21

Dustnbones · 13/07/2022 11:09

I am divorcing my husband for exactly this. I caught him, he promised it would stop and he did it again. He said it didn’t change how he felt about me, that he doesn’t respect these women and they mean nothing to him.

When I look at him, he disgusts me. He is desperate to save our marriage but I can’t wait for it to be over now. He has lost everything for the sake of a cheap thrill and quite honestly I don’t have an ounce of sympathy for him.

if you want to keep your marriage you need to make some changes and quickly but I’m not sure it’s ever possible to get the trust back, particularly when you have done it a second time.

My friend was doing this with a married man whose wife found out and went ballistic. My friend acts like the OP, but she is single. They talked online about what they were going to do to themselves and described it in graphic detail. It's all fantasy anyway, so I cannot see how it is fulfilling anything as they don't even meet. It's pathetic.

That's even if it is between two single people. Married people like your STBX and my friend's online conquests are disgraceful. If your partner isn't what you want and you need this rubbish, then divorce and find someone who floats your boat with it. But, I expect, even that wouldn't be enough for some.

Original poster
Cherrycakepop · 13/07/2022 11:22

If anyone thinks this isn't real, it's not up to me to convince you otherwise. But all I can say is that I've sent sexual messages behind my husband's back, felt guilty and told him. If I was going to make something up, I'm sure I could think of something more exciting than this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cherrycakepop · 13/07/2022 11:24

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 13/07/2022 11:21

My friend was doing this with a married man whose wife found out and went ballistic. My friend acts like the OP, but she is single. They talked online about what they were going to do to themselves and described it in graphic detail. It's all fantasy anyway, so I cannot see how it is fulfilling anything as they don't even meet. It's pathetic.

That's even if it is between two single people. Married people like your STBX and my friend's online conquests are disgraceful. If your partner isn't what you want and you need this rubbish, then divorce and find someone who floats your boat with it. But, I expect, even that wouldn't be enough for some.

Show quote history

It's satisfying in the moment. In the long run, it's pointless.

OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 13/07/2022 11:26

Oh give over op. You already know it's a shitty thing to do. Why bother asking here?

SmileyClare · 13/07/2022 11:30

Decide what you want.

I agree with the advice to put every effort into repairing your marriage if you don't want to split.
You say that "we've moved on" from the sexting but you haven't.

Recently I feel sidelined by him, he's distant, doesn't want to talk
He's withdrawing from you because of your actions.
You're massively underestimating how this has affected his trust, his self confidence, his respect for you, his sexual attraction to you and his whole opinion of you.

I agree there is an element of emotional immaturity. Try to make his feelings and needs as important as your own.
You don't actually need to understand the psychology of what's driving you to behave like this. You simply need to respect your partner's feelings as much as your own.

sellthesizzle · 13/07/2022 11:33
Biscuit
FlibbertyGiblets · 13/07/2022 11:35

The men on Mumsnet who approach you for sexting are disgusting as well. Ugh. Always looking for an opportunity.

OP. You have sent him images of yourself, he knows your mobile number (because you whatsapp him) - you have put yourself in danger. Give your head a wobble, sort yourself out, don't do it again, or restart with the two blokes you have already been engaging with.

Original poster
Cherrycakepop · 13/07/2022 11:35

SmileyClare · 13/07/2022 11:30

Decide what you want.

I agree with the advice to put every effort into repairing your marriage if you don't want to split.
You say that "we've moved on" from the sexting but you haven't.

Recently I feel sidelined by him, he's distant, doesn't want to talk
He's withdrawing from you because of your actions.
You're massively underestimating how this has affected his trust, his self confidence, his respect for you, his sexual attraction to you and his whole opinion of you.

I agree there is an element of emotional immaturity. Try to make his feelings and needs as important as your own.
You don't actually need to understand the psychology of what's driving you to behave like this. You simply need to respect your partner's feelings as much as your own.

He was like this before this happened. There's complex things going on with him, not our marriage, that I can't post on the Internet that's nothing to do with this.

OP posts:
Whodoiwanttobe · 13/07/2022 11:36

Cherrycakepop · 13/07/2022 09:29

If it changes anyone's opinion, he was texting me about a crush I've got and sending me stories about them. It wasn't the man himself I was interested in. Started off from just general talk about sex, then led to full on sexting. But more from his side.

Doesn’t change a thing. You’re a cheater

knittingaddict · 13/07/2022 11:36

Zodiac32 · 13/07/2022 10:28

I knew it 😂😂 it's pretty much an advertisement lol

Show quote history

Add in the bit about being a former "glamour model" and there we have it. Personally don't believe a word of it.

Original poster
Cherrycakepop · 13/07/2022 11:44

knittingaddict · 13/07/2022 11:36

Add in the bit about being a former "glamour model" and there we have it. Personally don't believe a word of it.

Show quote history

What? I wasn't famous. I did some nightclub promotion and was in lads mags a couple of times. I still do only fans.

OP posts:
OrlandointheWilderness · 13/07/2022 11:48

If my DP was sexting other women it would be over.

PeanuttyButter · 13/07/2022 11:52

@SoupDragon hit the nail on the head for me.

SheepingStandingUp · 13/07/2022 11:59

Have you tried sexting your DH?
Have you tried telling him you need a couple of nights off a month to see friends or do something for you they doesn't involve other men?
Are your kids up and down all night because of their SEN or because they're pushing boundaries?

LonelyInAutumn · 13/07/2022 12:00

Cherrycakepop · 13/07/2022 09:13

Why can't it be real? You think women don't ever cheat? I love my husband. I would never physically cheat. Firstly I never get chance and secondly I don't actually have the desire to do that. It's not the deceit that I got a kick out of, it was the content of the messages. I thought it may have been harmless as I'd separated it in my head from my husband, but obviously it's not harmless as I had to offload my guilt onto him, which then hurt him. I haven't done it since the last he knew about.

It's a bit concerning that you've listed "never getting the chance" above not wanting to do it. I agree with others, you don't really seem to feel guilty as you've gone and done it again.

cafcass123 · 13/07/2022 12:02

Why do you need some random to text you sexual content? Don't you have an imagination?