To think this could be harmless sexting?

[Cherrycakepop]

I've been with my husband 6 years, married for 2. I've always been faithful, can't see that changing. But recently I've been sexting men. He knows about this as I told him out of guilt. But I'm worried about why I'm doing this. I know where to draw the line, but obviously I feel bad about doing it after I've got what I need from it. Please don't be mean.

@Siameasy ah I see so the trick is to lie about it or never admit to it and everyone's a winner, is that it? Do you lack morals generally?

If it is the content could you read some erotic novels instead?
It doesn't matter if people on the internet think it's right or wrong, your husband was upset when he found out... that alone says it's wrong for your relationship

Well, yeah it was never about the other man. I never knew what he looked like. I just liked what he was writing. He saw pictures of me and was complimentary which was a confidence boost. I used to be a glamour model in my late teens, early 20s and that is so far removed from my life now. So it made me feel good, for a while. I didn't think about my husband while I was doing it. But he's a good man and I felt guilty when he came home.

As I said, one would have to lie because it’s the last taboo. The reaction to me merely inviting debate is that I “lack morals”. Now, morals are subjective as well.

So, because I query the social construct of monogamy QUERY IT I’m yup pretty much killing kittens.

Tell me what harm is done (no, not your hurty feelings) if the OP sexted a random guy and her DH never found out?

@Siameasy re " I have more unconventional views about monogamy (a social construct) in that it’s unrealistic for many people who would still like to marry and raise children within a marriage."

This is fine, but both parties need to be on the same page.

I always wondered why men were on MN, and now I know. Thanks for clarifying that, and you are still cheating

I haven't been sexting anyone!

Too busy, here in my armchair . . .

You will probably get men messaging you on here after seeing this thread!! Which I'm sure they will click on when they see the words harmless sexting.

Yeah I wondered this too. Now we know.

Hi @Cherrycakepop sounds very much like you need some therapy /counselling to work through what's going on in your life generally. It can really help sort out emotional and other problems

If your relationship isn’t happy you don’t sext. You split up.

It's already happened. I've not responded.

So this almost sounds like a cry for help. When you wrote my stressful boring life what you actually need is a distraction or break from routine and something to look forward to? Your DH is perhaps not fully aware you feel like this and the sexting is a break from the daily monotony?

I knew it 😂😂 it's pretty much an advertisement lol

Well it's not harmless if your DH was very upset about it, is it?

Of course you deserve happiness but not at the expense of someone else's hurt.

Yeah I need to do something different for once that's not just housework or caring for children. I don't hate my life. I love my kids and wouldn't change them even though they're hard work, but I wish I could have more balance. Even just having one night a month where I go out with just my husband for a meal or something would help massively. We get no quality time together. Don't even get evenings to relax because the kids scream for us to be up there and are up and down the stairs. I'm mentally drained.

You need to aim higher if you are finding your blokes on MN !!!

(sorry to all those blokes here who aren't arseholes)

Op you're clearly unhappy, bored and lacking in self esteem but I think you know this isn't helping, in fact it's making you feel worse and widening the gulf between you and your husband.

You could look into some therapy for yourself, I think your past experience with the sex industry has affected you more than you realise? Your self worth should not be tied up in random men's sexual reaction to you.

Whatever the reasoning behind your actions, it's destructive behaviour; damaging yourself and those around you. Maybe you need help understanding yourself if you want to change.

Don't be ridiculous. You're a cheat, At least friggin own it

That’s my point. We are conditioned very very early on that it simply isn’t an option. So - who, wishing to marry and have kids would even suggest it? In any case, perhaps they felt differently when they married and now view it differently. Most people, if the other half even suggested it would be fuming. Because the conditioning is so strong.

social constructs by the way normally are there to keep “lesser” people in line
Race
Virginity
Monogamy
Gender

Harmless when you know it hurts and upsets your husband?

I'm not sure you understand the word harmless. Or think it's only relevant if it harms you.

Fix your life from the inside, this is pathetic.

It's only harmless if you are happy with it and your husband is happy with it.

If your DH is upset about then it's not harmless.

How would you feel about your DH sexting other women?
If you wouldn't be bothered about it then maybe it's time to re-evaluate your relationship. If it would bother you then clearly that's your answer, you should be held to equal standards.

I've read everything you've said @Cherrycakepop and understand why you've been sexting (not that I agree) buy I get it. Consider this, these men on here don't give a shit about you. They just see a free ticket to wanking off. Your husband cares about you which is clear since he's upset you've been sexting! Have enough srlf belief to stop this. Don't cheapen yourself. No theres no harm in fun flirting when your single but these guys are probably laughing at you. Tney have no respect for you so please think about that one. Your husband gives a shit so sort things with him.