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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

… to not expect to have to quarantine like a leper with covid now?

333 replies

wallpoppy · 12/07/2022 22:41

Neither my partner or I ever got covid as far as we know until now, I was a couple of hours away at a holiday house with friends and was feeling a little peaked so took a test and it’s positive. I told my partner, he was sympathetic and asked if I was ok to drive etc, which I was- drove home without stopping to infect anyone else and he wasn’t home when I arrived- when I looked at my phone I had a message from him saying everything is all set and to let him know when I’ve settled in so he can come back.

Basically he’s fully set up one of the guest bedrooms and is expecting me to properly quarantine with the door closed and to be completely separate from him and to not go anywhere else in the house other than the toilet/shower room on this floor. He’s moved my work desk and computer setup in here (it’s normally in the study downstairs that connects the kitchen and the dining room), made the bed up with fresh linens, stocked me up with snacks, and will be delivering meals. If I need to go outside to the garden “that’s fine” but I need to wear a mask until I’m outside let him know so he can avoid the back stairs and the room I’ll be walking through for 30 minutes after and then the same when I come back in

I’ve been home in my plush prison for a couple of hours now trying to figure out if I want to start a fight over this but- this is crazy, right? Both of us are fully vaxed, no health issues, slim, active, etc. and he has never expressed covid fear before, he stopped wearing masks when the critical mass died down, but suddenly all this? I did ask if this was the new normal if we had a cold or a stomach bug and he says “it’s different”.

We have a 19 yo daughter who lives at home when she’s not at uni but she’s travelling now- she did have covid a few months ago but was at uni so this is the first time it’s been “near” so to speak (we both work at home so it’s been pretty easy to avoid).

Honestly I don’t know how to say this without it sounding like a brag but we have a lot of rooms in this house. Enough that we could easily eat our meals and do our work and avoid getting too close without a huge amount of effort. I’m pretty comfortable in here and I’m almost curious to see how he handles serving all my meals on trays but on the other hand this feels insane and I might just to stay at a nice hotel for a week.

OP posts:

Aishah231 · 13/07/2022 06:20

I wouldn't quarantine it my own home for anyone. Mostly because it's as much use as a chocolate teapot. There have been studies proving that neither masks (other than medical grade masks) nor home quarantine reduce the risk of transmission.

zafferana · 13/07/2022 06:28

YANBU OP and your DP is being a precious twat! I'd have laughed if my DH had suggested that DS and I quarantine when we both came down with Covid. If your DP was clinically vulnerable then fine, I'm sure you'd be the one quarantining to try and keep him healthy, but in your circumstances, I'd be leaving this imposed quarantine immediately and telling him to get over himself.

Confusion101 · 13/07/2022 06:29

To the people saying "he should leave".... If OP turns around and says to him "I'm not isolating, you need to leave if you don't want to be infected" is she not then controlling him.... Wouldn't be a MN thread without the man getting blame anyway (and I'm a woman before ye start).

OP... He seems to have done a good bit of work to try make u as comfortable as possible. I would say lap it up for the few days! And I don't understand how going to a hotel would help. U would be confined to one room there? You aren't confined to one room in your own house, dp has just put some measures in place to protect himself like asking u to wear a mask when going outside. Hardly extremely unreasonable!

Blueberrywitch · 13/07/2022 06:32

My DP has been taken out by covid this last week, he had to use the ensuite and wasn’t allowed to use the main bathroom, he did have meals delivered to bed but was allowed to walk around kitchen etc as long as I wasn’t in it (he was careful about hand washing). But not allowed on couch (where I was sleeping as our spare bedroom is also his office). So not quite as strict as your set up but definitely “quarantined” - he was super sick with the new variant and had been completely unphased by Delta, which took me out completely, it’s a mega busy time at my work so I didn’t want to risk getting sick.

have managed to avoid it so far! But I was v recently boosted so I think that’s helped me.

LaLoba · 13/07/2022 06:33

For him, not risky, but OP describes an enviably large house - easy enough to quarantine.
As for ‘controlling’, husband and I are both very fit, athlete level even. And we are floored with it. I don’t think it’s paranoid and controlling for people to wish to avoid being this ill, especially when they have the means.

LaLoba · 13/07/2022 06:38

That was supposed to be a reply. Probably best I go back to sleep now.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 13/07/2022 06:39

I'd say the same thing of OP was male and his female partner was behaving like this.

He has no right to dictate to another adult like that. He hasn't even had the decency to ring her and say "look, I really don't want to risk getting infected - how would you feel if I set up the spare room and bathroom for you to isolate in?" - he's just sent her a message demanding she isolates and wears a mask in her own home - and people are defending it!

It's OP's home and she should be able to live in it normally - including using the communal areas and garden without texting him first. If he's uncomfortable sharing a home with someone who's tested positive then the onus is on him to change his behaviour, not force her to change hers.

startfresh · 13/07/2022 06:45

Oh wow. He sounds like a dream, please can I borrow him if I test positive? My husband is decent but wasn't that bothered when I tested.

I'd much prefer a mini break to the spare room and room service.

Sounds like he's gone to a lot of effort, maybe see it that way.

Karmatime · 13/07/2022 06:48

We caught it at the same time which was a relief as we don’t have the space to isolate from each other - one bed flat. In your circumstances I’d go with it - it’s been grim and we have been bed / sofa bound anyway with no energy. Enforced bed rest and room service sounds great.

Meowser72 · 13/07/2022 06:48

Aishah231 · 13/07/2022 06:20

Links please?

parrotonmyshoulder · 13/07/2022 06:49

As A PP says, your fitness level might be largely irrelevant. DH and I both struggling to recover five months after our first covid infection. Just take the opportunity to rest!

Nannewnannew · 13/07/2022 06:49

@WilsonMilson 100% agree. I live on my own, have Covid and would give my right arm for somebody just to make me a cup of tea. It’s bloody miserable.
As for people saying the husband is being controlling-I’m gobsmacked, I really am.

Twiglets1 · 13/07/2022 06:57

I think it’s over the top personally especially considering Covid isn’t going away so we are all likely to catch it repeatedly- just by normal things like mixing with people at work and in shops & restaurants etc.
But some people still feel anxious about it. I guess you have to respect his feelings but make sure you get to spend plenty of time in the garden during this nice weather!

Darbs76 · 13/07/2022 06:58

We personally don’t isolate from each other at home (me and 2 teenagers). I tried to wipe everything down the first time and keep away and we caught it anyway, so we aren’t bothering this time. DS has covid now and daughter and I are testing daily. We don’t feel good anyway but still negative, so we aren’t out mixing with people any way

Jewel1968 · 13/07/2022 07:04

If you read the gov guidelines and if he wants to be uber responsible he should not leave the house and mix with people as he is living with someone with COVID. So, he should isolate too. He might try and reassure himself that you are isolating but we all know your isolation is not in lab like conditions. They are just guidelines though so not mandatory.

I am in house with numerous cases and not big enough to isolate everyone and so far I have not caught it (third time I am avoiding it in these circs) but I am limiting my outings for fear I may be a carrier. I figure I must be carrying the virus just no symptoms.

I do think people respond to covid differently depending on their experiences. A family member died of it so that probably influences how I responded. It's not always logical.

vdbfamily · 13/07/2022 07:06

I think it is crazy. Maybe he could quarantine to stay safe for a few days??!
You would have been potentially infectious 2 days before any symptoms. 1:20 of population are likely positive currently so it's he staying in, avoiding shops and busy places? At least he knows you have it so can avoid being next to you. l

FourTeaFallOut · 13/07/2022 07:07

I mean, you could get yourself a bell and ring it as you go about your business? Worked in Ben-Hur.

Confusion101 · 13/07/2022 07:11

coffeecupsandfairylights · 13/07/2022 06:39

I'd say the same thing of OP was male and his female partner was behaving like this.

Again I ask, how is her point blank refusing and making him move out for 4 - 5 days not controlling if people are seeing what he did as controlling?

Pinkberg · 13/07/2022 07:12

My 18 year old son has just had Covid. He's vaxxed, generally healthy and has had it before. He was really ill for a week but still feels Ill three weeks later and missed his prom and had to come back early from his inter-railing trip. I don't blame your husband for not wanting to get it, as you never know exactly how it will affect you. Incidentally, totally on his own initiative, he stayed in his room, wore a mask when he came out of it briefly if anyone was around, and had his meals when we weren't there. If he can do it, so can you.

PaperTyger · 13/07/2022 07:13

Op both dc have had it twice at different times, little one never quarantine,we never got it, older always in room anyway and I asked her to wear a mask when in shared spaces, never asked her to quarantine either.

All had it different times no one cought it from each other.
Little one twice next to DH every day when had it. .
I had it and I tried to mostly stay in my room, I asked people to leave corridor if I went downstairs, DH brought me meals but no effort from him to avoid me at all, chatted to me ,handled plates.... didn't catch it.

PaperTyger · 13/07/2022 07:14

Is your DH going out and about?
I know someone had it and has been merrily going out with a positive, because they felt fine!!

Spinfit · 13/07/2022 07:16

I caught covid from work in April 2020 right at the start and was pretty sick (low oxygen saturations, fevers etc) for 2 weeks. I managed to not pass it on to DH despite having to isolate in a tiny flat but last week caught it for the second time from him (again, he caught it from work!) and although my oxygen levels are normal, the cough and muscle aches were bad (vaccinated three time so will assume it would be worse if I was unvaccinated). I am young (is 35 young?), very fit and STILL felt like I'd been run over! It can affect people differently so if he doesn't want to catch it then I think that needs to be respected. I wish I'd been able to hide myself and our baby from DH and his coughing for a week!

nothingfound · 13/07/2022 07:16

Unless he is a controlling git at other times I think he's just done what he thought was the right thing. It's not as if Op is going to be confined in one room with a bucket in the corner, there's plenty of space and he's put thought into making her comfortable. Op had the chance to tell him it was OTT to her and hasn't. For a short period of time this wouldn't bother me in the slightest. If it was reflected in daily life it would.
At the risk of being accused of stealth bragging - my partner and I live in a large house and when I got covid we did pretty much this. I settled down in separate rooms to him and he, or sometimes our visiting housekeeper, kept me topped up with nice food when I felt like eating it. He had an important business trip coming up to the States which he would have missed if he'd caught it. It was fine and I didn't feel "controlled" at all, it was nice to be in a situation where I could easily protect the people around me. He didn't abandon me, we'd regularly chat at a distance and we made sure to have our phones to hand so that if I got bad I could ring him (I have asthma). I've now got long covid, it's not fun, why would anyone risk sharing this virus with loved ones if they could easily take precautions for a short while? I know he'll do the same if he catches it.

Flaunch · 13/07/2022 07:16

We just carried on as normal when dh and Dd got it. Slept in the same bed and everything. Ds and I didn’t get it.

fungibletoken · 13/07/2022 07:21

Not something I've actively thought about that much, but if I had anything infectious (flu, norovirus, COVID) I think I'd try to keep to one room at home. Same as how I'd work from home now if I were sneezing everywhere. I'm not too concerned about catching things in the first place - but once you have them it makes sense not to spread the misery.

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