… to not expect to have to quarantine like a leper with covid now?

[wallpoppy]

Neither my partner or I ever got covid as far as we know until now, I was a couple of hours away at a holiday house with friends and was feeling a little peaked so took a test and it’s positive. I told my partner, he was sympathetic and asked if I was ok to drive etc, which I was- drove home without stopping to infect anyone else and he wasn’t home when I arrived- when I looked at my phone I had a message from him saying everything is all set and to let him know when I’ve settled in so he can come back.

Basically he’s fully set up one of the guest bedrooms and is expecting me to properly quarantine with the door closed and to be completely separate from him and to not go anywhere else in the house other than the toilet/shower room on this floor. He’s moved my work desk and computer setup in here (it’s normally in the study downstairs that connects the kitchen and the dining room), made the bed up with fresh linens, stocked me up with snacks, and will be delivering meals. If I need to go outside to the garden “that’s fine” but I need to wear a mask until I’m outside let him know so he can avoid the back stairs and the room I’ll be walking through for 30 minutes after and then the same when I come back in

I’ve been home in my plush prison for a couple of hours now trying to figure out if I want to start a fight over this but- this is crazy, right? Both of us are fully vaxed, no health issues, slim, active, etc. and he has never expressed covid fear before, he stopped wearing masks when the critical mass died down, but suddenly all this? I did ask if this was the new normal if we had a cold or a stomach bug and he says “it’s different”.

We have a 19 yo daughter who lives at home when she’s not at uni but she’s travelling now- she did have covid a few months ago but was at uni so this is the first time it’s been “near” so to speak (we both work at home so it’s been pretty easy to avoid).

Honestly I don’t know how to say this without it sounding like a brag but we have a lot of rooms in this house. Enough that we could easily eat our meals and do our work and avoid getting too close without a huge amount of effort. I’m pretty comfortable in here and I’m almost curious to see how he handles serving all my meals on trays but on the other hand this feels insane and I might just to stay at a nice hotel for a week.

YABVVU
your dh made up a lovely place for you to be ill in. He doesn’t want to catch covid, stop behaving like a petulant child.

If he's that bothered he can go to the 'lovely place' rather than making OP do it!

A year ago myself and DH both had COVID at the same time, I had symptoms but was okay, just a bit like flu etc. DH was really really unwell and was nearly admitted to hospital 3 times as his oxygen levels kept dropping, never seen him so poorly, there are no under lying health conditions, we are under 40 and he is very physically active.

I tested positive last week and choose to isolate in my bedroom to avoid DH or my children catching it, DH has been sleeping on the couch and bringing me food/drinks etc. I was really worried for him to be so poorly again.

Obviously it might not always be possible to escape COVID for everyone but as I found out early we agreed to reduce the chances of me passing it on to him, would never forgive myself if he got really ill or worse from me passing it on to him without trying to avoid it

I think you both just need to do what's right for you, you have the information so just make an informed decision weighing up risk etc, what's right for me might not be right for you OP

We are nearly a week in and so far nobody else in the house has caught it from me

I was flat out for 8 weeks with covid, then a slow recovery, nearly 5 months later I appear OK but I have to be careful how much I do and how much I rest or I get exhausted and laid up for a couple of days. To be honest I wouldn't have cared if they put me in the shed for the first few weeks. I developed pneumonia

I hope you have it mildly. Everyone I know has had the mild cold variety, don't know how I got it the way I did. I'd had 3 vaccinations don't know if they helped at all. To be honest I don't blame anyone being careful but that's because of my personal experience, I think most people don't expect it to be so bad.

YABU
If you have a contagious illness then you need to stay away from other people in your household - why would they want to get it if they can try and avoid it.

Anytime any of my family members got something like the norovirus which is awful V&D we would isolate in our bedrooms because no one else wanted to catch it.

Obviously not many people get long term complications from the norovirus but many do from covid so I can why people want to try and avoid it.
My friend has just been diagnosed as partially deaf in one ear which may be permanent. And other people experience not only long term respiratory issues but long term neurological/brain issues.

I can see this from both sides.

he’s naturally worried he’s going to catch it too and wants to avoid it. It does affect men and women differently. Men needing more treatment than women and getting hit harder though women suffering ‘long covid’ more. So I can completely understand his caution around this.

but he’s also set you up perfectly to get yourself through the worst of it by yourself with meals delivered which is pretty nice and caring too that he’s put all that thought into it. Even if it is a bit OTT

I’d give anything right now for a bloke to care enough like that. Fresh sheets and snacks. I hope he’s got you connected to all the streaming services too and has your hobby to hand if you knit/read/draw etc I don’t think I’d feel so irritated about being alone though. That’s something I crave

I have to say with a disabled husband to look after meaning I had to drag myself out of bed 2 or 3 times a day to help him it does sound rather nice.

Why would I not do what he can to avoid him feeling this way?

This is how I feel.
Why wouldn’t you want to try not to pass it on to someone you love (unless you really don’t like them).

He is going to eventually get it but it’s good if you can stagger it so you’re both unwell at different times.
Some people are genuinely poorly with it and aren’t able to do their day to day tasks so having someone who’s not ill is much easier.

I'd have loved a week on my own, with meals delivered, when I had covid.

I imagine there will be an awful lot of elderly people with dementia dying of dehydration instead of covid over the next few days if they're confined to their rooms.

I realise not everybody has family or friends available; but for those that do, they are entitled to nominate a friend or relative to be their “essential caregiver”, and they can go in to deliver personal care, just like any member of staff, even during an outbreak!

Are you allowed out in the garden for some fresh air?! It’s all very well those saying it’s a lovely rest (and I get that). But if OP is already feeling cooped up then she won’t feel great in a day or two. She may have it mildly and fancy some fresh air. Plus the weather is lovely at the moment.

Am I the only one who think this sounds great a week of peace and quiet, no housework and food and drink delivered on demand

I agree we should all make every effort not to pass it on. As I understand it, the virus mutates the more people it passes through and also does something to prevent us developing much immunity the more it mutates. Your husband sounds thoughtful and sensible to me.

well yes exactly. Bit worried by the number of people whose response to “my partner has instructed me not to leave this room for several days” is basically “oooh but he’s plumped the pillows, sounds lush!” I wonder sometimes if lockdown has fundamentally broken something in us.

Anyway - I would not find it that unreasonable of him to ask, and I might even do it if he did, even if I thought it a bit OTT. I do think it is utterly unreasonable of him to expect it. You can’t just order people into their rooms and think you’re actually being kind because you’ve moved their desk in there as well! Fuck’s sake.

@user1487194234 same 👍

I think you're being very selfish. While covid can be mild for some people it's worse than flu for others, even if relatively young and healthy. Getting it now won't prevent him getting it again in a few months so you would be giving him a potentially nasty virus just so you aren't a bit inconvenienced. Why would you inflict that on someone you love? You have a room, food delivered and can go in the garden.

How would he get food if he is the one in the spare room? Apart from the fact op may start to feel too ill to cook etc, she could easily contaminate the utensils etc.

I completely agree. If we had a spare room and DH asked me to move into it I would consider it. If he told me I'd be digging my heels in and telling him the spare room was all his but I was having the main bedroom.

Relax & enjoy

Champagne and dark chocolate have iron in them - tell him you'd benefit from the additional booster, order some books on Amazon

Dh and I havnt had covid yet

but dd5 had at 4.

Sounds fab. Own bed. Meals cooked for you.

you have the space , be for a few days /week

dont see the issue

When DH had Covid I slept in the spare room and didn't get close to him, but other than that we carried on as normal. He wore a mask initially when we weee sitting on opposite ends of the sofa watching TV but to be fair he stopped doing that pretty quickly (he has always been much more risk averse than me and I wouldn't have asked him to do that, I was of the opinion that I'd probably end up catching it if he had it). In fact I didn't get it, and that was even with the fact he probably had it for about 4 days before he realised and tested, so during that time we had been carrying on as normal, kissing, sleeping in same bed etc. I would expect to sleep in separate bedrooms if you have that option, and not get too close, but I'm with you OP, I wouldn't expect to do the full scale quarantine like your partner has set up for you, I would find that annoying. I'm not reckless or blasé about the risks of Covid, but I think a bit of balanced risk, and getting on with life if that makes sense (assuming there aren't, as there don't seem to be in your case from what you've said) health reasons to be extra cautious.

Of course you aren’t. But that doesn’t mean it’s ok for the OP’s partner to decide without consultation what she should do. why couldn’t it have been discussed?

I was pretty envious of people who were able to shut themselves away to isolate with covid because when I had it it was a hellish two weeks of being ill and trapped with toddlers and WFH and that exhausting scenario actively damaged my ability to recover easily - people kept telling me “you must rest” but the covid household isolation rules meant that I was not allowed to rest at all. It was what it was. The OP’s setup sounds idyllic. But I still don’t think it’s ok for it to be imposed with no discussion, regardless of how anyone feels about the risks of covid in itself.

Yes, the problem here is the insistence and the controlling nature of the behaviour.

Yes, the problem here is the insistence and the controlling nature of the behaviour.

It may be a good idea but the OP is being told where she can and can't go in her own home. Take Covid out of the equation and I'm sure the replies would be different.