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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

… to not expect to have to quarantine like a leper with covid now?

333 replies

wallpoppy · 12/07/2022 22:41

Neither my partner or I ever got covid as far as we know until now, I was a couple of hours away at a holiday house with friends and was feeling a little peaked so took a test and it’s positive. I told my partner, he was sympathetic and asked if I was ok to drive etc, which I was- drove home without stopping to infect anyone else and he wasn’t home when I arrived- when I looked at my phone I had a message from him saying everything is all set and to let him know when I’ve settled in so he can come back.

Basically he’s fully set up one of the guest bedrooms and is expecting me to properly quarantine with the door closed and to be completely separate from him and to not go anywhere else in the house other than the toilet/shower room on this floor. He’s moved my work desk and computer setup in here (it’s normally in the study downstairs that connects the kitchen and the dining room), made the bed up with fresh linens, stocked me up with snacks, and will be delivering meals. If I need to go outside to the garden “that’s fine” but I need to wear a mask until I’m outside let him know so he can avoid the back stairs and the room I’ll be walking through for 30 minutes after and then the same when I come back in

I’ve been home in my plush prison for a couple of hours now trying to figure out if I want to start a fight over this but- this is crazy, right? Both of us are fully vaxed, no health issues, slim, active, etc. and he has never expressed covid fear before, he stopped wearing masks when the critical mass died down, but suddenly all this? I did ask if this was the new normal if we had a cold or a stomach bug and he says “it’s different”.

We have a 19 yo daughter who lives at home when she’s not at uni but she’s travelling now- she did have covid a few months ago but was at uni so this is the first time it’s been “near” so to speak (we both work at home so it’s been pretty easy to avoid).

Honestly I don’t know how to say this without it sounding like a brag but we have a lot of rooms in this house. Enough that we could easily eat our meals and do our work and avoid getting too close without a huge amount of effort. I’m pretty comfortable in here and I’m almost curious to see how he handles serving all my meals on trays but on the other hand this feels insane and I might just to stay at a nice hotel for a week.

OP posts:
StoneofDestiny · 12/07/2022 23:04

My DH got it and he was very unwell. I absolutely made sure he was 'isolated'. Bedroom had en suite and TV, so no real need to wander around the house. He didn't want food or drink for ages - just slept. We were lucky - house was big enough to allow separate sitting rooms when he came downstairs.

Why would you even want to risk infecting him too? It's no hardship to rest up alone for a while - surely?

trollopolis · 12/07/2022 23:04

I think your DH sounds very sensible.

Presumably you'll ger a full meals service too, as you should keep out of any shared areas.

Peace, calm, waited on. You are very lucky!

APurpleSquirrel · 12/07/2022 23:04

Sounds a bit mad to me, but then we've all had it once in Jan & DH & DS tested positive again a few weeks ago. We just carried on as normal, not much else we could do with two young children, can't quarantine them.
Though a friend recently got it, she quarantined in her room (with en-suite) for 10 days; no chores, no looking after the kids as her DH did all that etc - sounded like bliss!

LizzieSiddal · 12/07/2022 23:05

i do understand why he’s being so cautious, he obviously doesn’t want it get it. But if you’ve got lots of rooms surely you can be set up so that you are able to access at least two of them without him worrying?
DH had Covid 2 weeks ago and he had a bedroom, bathroom and another room, I stuck to the other side of the house and did all the cooking, we also had windows open everywhere. I didn’t catch it!
As the weather’s so nice we also ate/had coffee together outside.

You will go mad staying in a bedroom for a week!

BogRollBOGOF · 12/07/2022 23:06

He can diddle off to a hotel if he feels that strongly about it.

We've had Covid 3 times between us since Christmas and haven't caught it from the other despite sharing the bed as usual*. The only adaption I made this time was to swerve public indoor spaces until I felt fine (about 5 days) and go for quiet walks rather than running from home and build the running back up gently in the week or so after.

If I was actually properly ill, ill I'd naturally stay in bed, but as no one in this household is vulnerable, no way am I being imprisoned in one room and treated like a leper in my own home.

*this time DH was away when I was exposed and co-incidentally travelling in a car with someone else who later tested positive at the same time as me, and also attended a "super-spreader" type event. His immune system is clearly still remembering him having it in March. Clever things, immune systems.

user1487194234 · 12/07/2022 23:11

I would not have tested 🤷‍♀️

Superstar22 · 12/07/2022 23:12

Take a look at the covid rates/ guardian tonight.

It’s really not over just because the government can’t be arsed to enforce basic precautions.
yes we are living with covid but we need some protections when we are in crowded places/ with vulnerable people/ actually have it.

YABU

KeepingTheWormsQuiet · 12/07/2022 23:16

I think he's being very controlling and OTT. He hasn't even asked you how you want to do it. You have a big house so you should be able to keep apart enough especially if he can sleep in a different room.

When we've had Covid in the house we carried on pretty normally within the house and some caught it and some didn't.

Maybe he should move out for a week and just bring you groceries to the front door.

Shangrila · 12/07/2022 23:21

Dh currently has it but we're just getting on with life as normal. He hasn't left the house for a week or so but when I go out I've been wearing a mask to hopefully not spread it about if I'm carrying it but I wouldn't know as I'm not testing until I have symptoms.

WilsonMilson · 12/07/2022 23:25

I’d be frankly quite enjoying the thought of my dh serving me meals all week while he did all the housework and I had peace and quiet to recuperate. Sounds like a good deal to me!

I did the same when ds (16) had it in Jan. Served him meals in his room, he also had his own bathroom and no one else caught it, think it helped we have a large house so quite easy to steer clear. He had a great time, but was luckily barely ill at all with it.

I would accept your dh’s care gratefully and ilk it for all its worth. Perhaps request a bell so you can ring for service 😀

Stevienickssnickers · 12/07/2022 23:25

My DH came back from a work trip feeling rough, tested positive and went straight into isolation in our bedroom for a week. He went out a few evenings for a late walk. We've all had it twice already and I wasn't keen on getting it again - we've got a 4yo and he's been first one to catch it the other times which means it was pretty unavoidable.

I think your OH sounds pretty sensible and it sounds like he's put some thought into the room. I'd be delighted to quarantine!

Sswhinesthebest · 12/07/2022 23:28

You’d be mean to insist on mixing with him. Not fair on the staff at the hotel either, unless you never leave your room.

WombOfOnesOwn · 12/07/2022 23:28

This would universally have been seen as controlling and abusive 3 years ago. Are people really so fooled by this kind of conduct now they've had an excuse? "Oh, it's fine for your spouse to control your movements and demand constant updates on your whereabouts, after all, there's a virus, you know."

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 12/07/2022 23:32

It was just a cold for me - I worked all the way through the first week. And then 3 weeks of completely debilitating tiredness, worse than proper (as in couldnt get out of bed for 5 days or shower) flu recovery and the early stages of pregnancy tiredness combined. I really struggled and looked horrific with weird puffy face etc. I had to cancel a load of things after I wasnt testing positive any more as just wasnt up to anything. I caught it off my 4 year old so couldn't isolate but if I could have isolated from another family member to avoid catching it, in hindsight I would have. Being otherwise healthy doesnt mean it wont floor him and you dont know until it's too late

ThreeLittleDots · 12/07/2022 23:35

It's his choice and you need to respect that. Long Covid is a fucking bitch and I'm sure you'll survive quarantine and wouldn't wish to cause unnecessary risk?

AlwaysLatte · 12/07/2022 23:37

Most people would rather not get up close with someone knowingly having covid. I did relocate myself in the snug away from the rest of the family when I got it. And it sounds like he went to a lot of trouble to make the room work for you?

StrawberrySquash · 12/07/2022 23:37

My healthy friend caught it and isolated from her healthy flatmate who served her meals on a tray.

CatelynStark · 12/07/2022 23:39

I caught covid last week and genuinely wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. I feel so ill and weepy ~ each hour is dragging as everything hurts. I live alone but in your shoes, I’d do everything possible to prevent a loved one from being infected.

Honeyroar · 12/07/2022 23:42

WombOfOnesOwn · 12/07/2022 23:28

This would universally have been seen as controlling and abusive 3 years ago. Are people really so fooled by this kind of conduct now they've had an excuse? "Oh, it's fine for your spouse to control your movements and demand constant updates on your whereabouts, after all, there's a virus, you know."

It would be seen as controlling nowadays too if it went on for more than the five day isolation period, or whenever she tests negative. It’s hardly being fooled, he’s trying to prevent himself getting infected. My husband is currently isolating in our bedroom, trying to stay away from me so he doesn’t infect me. Am I controlling him?? No - we’re a team, we try to do what’s best for each other. I’ve got three friends currently wiped out with Covid. My dad has just been in hospital for ten days, their Covid cases we’re getting higher and higher. We’d like to avoid the risk thanks. Even if someone strangely thinks we’re being fooled or controlling!

LizzieSiddal · 12/07/2022 23:44

Hope you’re feeling better soon @CatelynStark Flowers

MissisBoote · 12/07/2022 23:46

My dh got covid two weeks ago. He was more than happy to isolate from the rest of us and wore a mask whilst moving around the rest of the house.

Nat6999 · 12/07/2022 23:49

Ds tested positive & stayed in his room, I sent his meals up on the stairlift & he cleaned the bathroom after using it as we only have one. He tested negative after 4 days.

BonnesVacances · 12/07/2022 23:51

Will you be able to afford your house with lots of rooms if your DP catches Covid and doesn't recover, thus losing his job? My DH is 9 weeks away from losing his since he caught Covid before Easter. He quarantined in the spare room, out of choice, because he didn't want to infect anyone else.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 12/07/2022 23:54

This would be over the top in my house and I’d just laugh and laugh if my DH tried to quarantine me me in my own home.

NigellaAwesome · 12/07/2022 23:55

I have covid and I am completely isolating in the house. I feel awful, and I want to take every precaution so that DH and DC don't get it from me.

My set up is similar to yours. I have our bedroom and en suite. Door kept closed at all times and windows wide open. I also have one of the reception rooms to myself.

If going from one room to another or into the garden, I am masked up and I hold my breath. Same if I am lifting trays in and out of my room.

I don't think your DP is being unreasonable, especially since you have the space in the house.