… to not expect to have to quarantine like a leper with covid now?

[wallpoppy]

Neither my partner or I ever got covid as far as we know until now, I was a couple of hours away at a holiday house with friends and was feeling a little peaked so took a test and it’s positive. I told my partner, he was sympathetic and asked if I was ok to drive etc, which I was- drove home without stopping to infect anyone else and he wasn’t home when I arrived- when I looked at my phone I had a message from him saying everything is all set and to let him know when I’ve settled in so he can come back.

Basically he’s fully set up one of the guest bedrooms and is expecting me to properly quarantine with the door closed and to be completely separate from him and to not go anywhere else in the house other than the toilet/shower room on this floor. He’s moved my work desk and computer setup in here (it’s normally in the study downstairs that connects the kitchen and the dining room), made the bed up with fresh linens, stocked me up with snacks, and will be delivering meals. If I need to go outside to the garden “that’s fine” but I need to wear a mask until I’m outside let him know so he can avoid the back stairs and the room I’ll be walking through for 30 minutes after and then the same when I come back in

I’ve been home in my plush prison for a couple of hours now trying to figure out if I want to start a fight over this but- this is crazy, right? Both of us are fully vaxed, no health issues, slim, active, etc. and he has never expressed covid fear before, he stopped wearing masks when the critical mass died down, but suddenly all this? I did ask if this was the new normal if we had a cold or a stomach bug and he says “it’s different”.

We have a 19 yo daughter who lives at home when she’s not at uni but she’s travelling now- she did have covid a few months ago but was at uni so this is the first time it’s been “near” so to speak (we both work at home so it’s been pretty easy to avoid).

Honestly I don’t know how to say this without it sounding like a brag but we have a lot of rooms in this house. Enough that we could easily eat our meals and do our work and avoid getting too close without a huge amount of effort. I’m pretty comfortable in here and I’m almost curious to see how he handles serving all my meals on trays but on the other hand this feels insane and I might just to stay at a nice hotel for a week.

I think it's bonkers. A friend asked if I was isolating at home - I had a breastfed baby and a toddler. No I wasn't! Didn't even cross my mind.

I'm with him. I was very ill for over two months. It isn't "just a cold" for everyone. Wouldn't wish this shit on anyone. At points I thought it would never end.

Can't believe so many people think this is fine....the only person I know who isolated from their own family was super worried about Covid... And her kids still caught it despite her trying to keep separate from them. On the other hand we made no attempt to isolate and my husband and two kids didn't catch it either time that I had it.
I mean maybe sleep separate and keep your distance but full quarantine is madness.

If he wants to do this and you don’t then I would humour him as long as he’s prepared to deliver meals of your choosing at regular intervals. It’s a lot of work for him.

enjoy the rest. it’s only a few days

my husband had it a few months ago and we continued to share a bed etc as we haven’t much space. I was fine and didn’t catch it (well, no symptoms and several negative tests).

however, current variant is loads more transmissible so I guess if we had the room we would be more cautious about isolation.

Again I ask, how is her point blank refusing and making him move out for 4 - 5 days not controlling if people are seeing what he did as controlling?

Because she's not making him do anything! Surely you can see the difference?

If he's uncomfortable being around her then the onus is on him to change his behaviour - not dictate that she changes hers.

He can isolate himself, go to a hotel, go and stay with friends and family or carry on as normal. What he can't do is unilaterally decide that she has to quarantine, wear a mask and not use the communal areas of her own house!

I'm so surprised that everyone seems to think his behaviour is perfectly normal 😳

I'm currently also in my 'cell' after testing positive over the weekend.

Tbh, I waw surprised but not annoyed. I don't want him to get sick (why would I?) and we have the room for me to stay away from him so I don't see the problem?

Also, I think him setting up the space is kind.

YANBU.

When did people act like this over flu?

And yes I know it's not flu. (I felt much worse with flu)

Over my dead body would I be ‘quarantining’ in my own house. OTOH I’d find him such a wet lettuce for suggesting it that I’d shudder at him coming within ten feet of me so the problem may naturally resolve itself.

And yes if he wants to avoid you, then he can isolate himself from you (and hope that he doesn't catch it in the supermarket or somewhere). It's irrational behaviour. People are starting to lose their minds again after a brief period of non craziness.

I'm not even sure why you bothered testing - what is the point? If I knew somebody in my house had Covid, I would just expect us to carry on as normal. If they felt unwell, it would be their choice if they wanted to spend a day in bed - as with flu or a bad cold. All this continued hysteria about masks, handwashing etc really needs to stop.

Im the last to get Covid here - all got infected at different times (DD was at uni ) we have all done pretty much the same thing and currently;
the infected person stays away from the others as much as possible. Dh is sleeping in the spare bed.
Luckily we have two bathrooms so I’m using our bed & en suite and ds/dh the shower room.
ds is keeping his distance and I’m trying not to go where he goes - ie bedroom, lounge and office room only. He tends to be more in kitchen/diner so I’m only preparing my food and quickly eating when he’s not there (or going in to garden).
when dh had it he pretty much confined himself to one room for work and sleep and ds used the en suite, but it was legal isolation then.

So I’d say your dh really does not want to catch it, but I think some of his rules are ott re giving 30 mins after you’ve walked downstairs / I’ve walked past ds sitting downstairs to go in to garden as that’s the only option.

It's not about you though is it? It's the people you could infect that might not be in the best health. Just suck it up!

Yes everyone I know has been doing variations of this, my dad had it last week and isolated from my mum.

In our house we had it recently but as we have a toddler we opted to just isolate from people outside our home, we were certain we all had it (and we did), so it wasn’t worth isolating from each other and we wouldn’t isolate from a child anyway.

It’s only for 5 days, I don’t know why you wouldn’t really. Yes you can legally carry on as usual but morally you shouldn’t.

It's completely OTT and ridiculous but if it wasn't such lovely weather I'd probably lap it up. Give him a list of things you 'need' (books, magazines, chocolates). Meals bought to you, you're allowed to use the bathroom so long cool baths. Perhaps say the garden is fine and go sunbathe. Sounds like a spa to me 😂

I had barely any symptoms with covid but the breathlessness im experiencing a month on is awful......and ive been very lucky, so God knows how someone with worse symptoms have fared. I know it seems like nothing now as its been here so long but people are still dying and being badly affected from covid so it is worth taking precautions for a few days.

This.

Why would you not respect his wishes to not catch Covid?

He's right by the way - it is different to a cold/ flu - and he's sensible to take precautions, even if he is young/slim/ fit etc.

It will be an inconvenience for a few days but why would you want to risk him getting it?

Yes, people are doing that level of quarantine.

Covid hasn't changed.

It's the same virus as it ever was, and it's nasty.

It doesn't matter if people become complacent - it's still the same virus and it's very much not 'over with', it's actually on the rise right now.

The thing is, people are quoting their own experience as reasons why Op's husband is mad, bad and controlling - had children to look after, didn't have enough space etc.
It's completely different if you have lots of room and it's an easy thing to do. I'll probably name change after this because there will probably be a "stealth boast" attack... We live in a big house. When I tested positive we just looked at each other, thought about what bad timing it was with him due in the States in about 3 weeks time and jointly decided that I'd go into the guest suite. Like op, that meant I had a nice place to sleep, somewhere for a desk, my own bathroom, a fridge, meals delivered and access to outdoors. No big deal apart from the fact that I wasn't in physical contact with my partner and keeping him awake at nights coughing and spluttering. I even went out for a ride on my horse when I was feeling better because that brought me into contact with nobody. To me it would have been pointlessly bloody minded for me to do anything else. In a house or flat where it would have been a huge struggle I guess things would be different, but Op isn't in that situation.

I had really chilled out about Covid, because it seemed like it was mainly getting less serious as an illness. But I caught it nearly two weeks ago now and still feel pretty dreadful. I'm just totally exhausted , still got tummy bug symptoms, had a weird pick n mix of other symptoms. I don't know if I have ever been ill for this long.

Given how massively infectious the latest variants is you'll probably struggle to not pass it on, but given how dreadful I feel now I'd say it's worth a punt - I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

But what he doesn't get to do is dictate how OP lives in her own home. He hasn't even discussed this with her - he's just demanded she quarantines and wears a mask to move around her own house - that's awful behaviour IMO.

Yes. People keep posting their own experiences of how awful Covid is or what a good idea it is to limit the spread. True, but completely beside the point. You do not tell an adult they will be quarantining. You do not tell them what rooms they are ‘allowed’ into. You either agree with them on a course of action or you take your own steps. However sensible the plan, it’s not acceptable to unilaterally instruct another adult what they will and won’t be doing.

I’ve got covid atm, and my husband is avoiding me and sleeping in a spare room.

Unfortunately, I have to go to work today. I wouldn’t normally choose to do this with any lurgy, but I have no choice.

I may well have already given it to him prior to testing, but I don’t blame him for trying to avoid it. It is no worse than a cold to me so far, but he struggles even with a sore throat.

We did exactly the same with DP when he had Covid at New Year. The difference was that he immediately offered to quarantine at home.

It works though - we had a houseful including elderly parents and kids and no one else caught it. None of us knows how badly it will affect us or the after effects. Hopefully this will only be a short isolation for you.

It’s nuts @wallpoppy Way OTT. I cannot believe people are still thinking this is ok.

I wound ignore his regime and just go where you please in your own home, without a mask!

If he doesn’t like it he can make his own arrangements

His reaction is a bit hypocritical , given that he is surrounded by covid, but has ceased to take any precautions outside of his own home. Your mistake was to take a covid test, of course - if he didn’t know what it was, he’d apparently happily catch it off you. All that said, having a plush hideaway from the heat, access to your garden and meals on tap sounds a pretty good deal to me. Make sure he provides a good fan or air conditioning for you! Maybe a paddling pool in the garden for the overheated invalid?