to think you don't ask if someone is the grandparent unless its OBVIOUS

[SheepingStandingUp]

lets pretend i'm feeling light-hearted about this.

Man in shop (MIS): Are they twins?
Me (looking at identically dressed and looking children the same size): Yes
MIS: Oh lovely, How old are they?
Me: 2.5
MIS: Oh they're big aren't they
Me: Yup, got their long legs from Dad, not from me!

He talks to his friend for a bit

MIS: They are big for their age though aren't they
Me: Sure are
MIS: Are you their Nan.
Me (Stare him in the eyes, smilelessly). No.
MIS: Oh erm i was just thinknig how big they are.... scuttles out the shop.

So aibu to ask how old you reckon i must LOOK for him to ask?

Not that obvious though is it these days!

Let's be honest. The only reason there are so many twins around is because of IVF. And most of those having IVF are older.

Older generation will just see someone in their 40's and presume it's a grandparent. As back in the day, mother would have been 20 something, grandparent 40 something.

He must have thought you were at least mid 40s.
Either that, or he's short-sighted/thick/tactless/socially inept.

yes never assume. (TBF that is probably good for anything).

I remember when we took DS to a hospital appointment and the nurse said to him; 'Isn;t it nice that mummy and graddad could come with you today?'.

Um.... no. That would be mummy and daddy. (DH is most upset he went grey so young).

Bloody rude - you assume someone is a parent unless they look extremely-beyond-all-doubt grand parent age!

I agree. It's a bit like asking someone when they're due, without being 100% sure they're pregnant.

Yikes. No he shouldn't have asked that - same as you should never ask if someone's pregnant. That one happened to me once and I was very much not pregnant, just carrying some extra weight and wearing an unflattering shirt.

Was he quite young? I think to young people any of us over about 35 just look generically 'old'.

Ouch. I would say that he thought you were mid to late 40s.

I definitely would never ask a stranger that question.

I’m 41 and have a 2 year old granddaughter. People assume she’s mine … well, maybe they’re just being polite? 😂

I took the two kids I used to nanny for on holiday to Suffolk and we got in that little Hades-esque rowing boat across the river at Walbeswick. The boatman said ‘come on mum’ and one kid piped up ‘oh that’s not our mum it’s our nanny’ and the boatman went ‘oh very good you’re looking well to be a nanny! That’s wonderful!’

it was only when we’d finished rowing across that I realised he thought I was a grandma.

I mean the children were 5 and 7 at the time and I was 33. It had been a tiring week but come ON.

Late 40s. Early 50s?

It's going to depend where you live. In London? 80. Hartlepool? 40.

I think its better to just never ask, even if it does look obvious. There are a couple of mums at school that DP was sure were Nans not mums. I am so glad he has the sense to never say anything.

Must be something about having twins that age, as a female passerby presumed I was my daughters' Granny when they were about 2/2.5. I'm prematurely grey and wasn't very well, but even so. I wasn't particularly offended, nor did I consider it rude. 🤷

I would assume he thought you were late 40s plus. However, he could just be a bad judge of age particularly if he was quite young or old himself.

Obviously, it was rude of him to ask.

Def never assume, there is a boy in my son's class who's gran is the same age as me... I'm 38!

Oh no. I'm a teacher and never assume. If I want to ask who they are, and already know it's not mum, i say 'are you a friend of the family?' I think you've got to look 50+ for an assumption to be made. Any younger and the question would be 'are you mum?' even if you were doubtful. Mind you, he's daft because you gave him a big clue earlier in the conversation, so ignore.

This happened to me recently. I was bloody annoyed and didn’t make that much effort to hide it, tbh. I am an older mum but most definitely do not look old enough to be a gran.

My neighbour has two small children (under 5) and a newborn grandchild....😁 They could all conceivably be her own or all grandchildren. (To be clear, she also has an adult child.)

Never underestimate the stupidity of people. My friend with boy-girl twins frequently gets asked “Are they identical?”

I was in TK Maxx with my then 6 yo and the assistant spoke to him and referred to me as "nanna". Granted I was 48 as he was my latecomer but I didn't look anywhere near old enough to be mistaken for a grandparent. It's never happened since and I'm now almost 53. I admit I was mortified but not as mortified as she was when I corrected her!

My friend used to get this with her last child. She was 39 when she had him and people assumed she was Grandma when she took him school. It's ok to make assumptions in your head (we all do it) but NEVER say it out loud.

I remember a friend of DD’s, who came from Middlesbrough, laughing about a (handwritten on an old sheet) banner he saw outside a house there: “Happy 32nd birthday, grandma!”
Perhaps your rude chap in the shop has a similar peer group?!

Let's be honest. The only reason there are so many twins around is because of IVF. And most of those having IVF are older. well at least he didn't ask how i conceived i suppose. altho naturally, despite my advanced decrepitude!!

Was he quite young? I think to young people any of us over about 35 just look generically 'old'. older than me!! I'd say late 40s / early 50s. I'd have been peeved but understanding if he'd been young, but i felt like gosh do you think i'm older even than YOU?

I’m 41 and have a 2 year old granddaughter. People assume she’s mine … well, maybe they’re just being polite? 😂 preferable though, i'm only a year younger than you

I agree op.
I used to work in a primary school office and got to know all of the children, but didn’t necessarily know who their parents were.
If a child turned up at the office door at the end of the day, with an adult female, I would say something like ‘hello Lucy is this your mummy?’ Even if the adult looked about 70.
Better to be safe than sorry.

Just to add I’ve cocked up myself on this issue - I was assisting an elderly man and told him I’d just been speaking to his daughter … he said “I don’t have a daughter?”

id been speaking to his wife. Oops.