to think you don't ask if someone is the grandparent unless its OBVIOUS

[SheepingStandingUp]

lets pretend i'm feeling light-hearted about this.

Man in shop (MIS): Are they twins?
Me (looking at identically dressed and looking children the same size): Yes
MIS: Oh lovely, How old are they?
Me: 2.5
MIS: Oh they're big aren't they
Me: Yup, got their long legs from Dad, not from me!

He talks to his friend for a bit

MIS: They are big for their age though aren't they
Me: Sure are
MIS: Are you their Nan.
Me (Stare him in the eyes, smilelessly). No.
MIS: Oh erm i was just thinknig how big they are.... scuttles out the shop.

So aibu to ask how old you reckon i must LOOK for him to ask?

Well I’m 42 and the other day I was chatting to a customer, mentioned that my daughter works in the same place.

My colleague came up to ask me something. The customer said; oh this must be your daughter!

My colleague is 40.

I agree with this. His whole conversation with you was bizarre. And your comment about their legs strongly indicated that you were their mother (I suppose you could have been their grandmother and said that but it would have been quite odd).

Don't worry OP when I had short hair (after chemo) I had a shop assistant say 'excuse me sir ' (I'm a woman!)

I had that question asked to me once. Not only were my children (obviously) different sexes, one was 6 months old and sat in the pushchair and the other 24 months old and stood holding my hand 😂. Clearly not identical and definitely not even twins!

I guess in theory you could be a grandparent at 32. Obviously unusual but not impossible. I am sure there are a number of 40 year old grandparents. However, it's still rude to ask.

Oh and yes I've been mistaken for my dads wife too !! I was outraged !

I mean if someone looked comfortably in their mi to late fifties I'd assume gp, but can't imagine when I'd actually voice that view!

I think 50 is pretty young to become a gp these days - 60s is average with my friends' parents, although my parents were in their seventies when I had dc.

I remember when my two DC were 4 and 1, I took my older one to the barbers and the barber patted (yes, actually patted) my stomach and said ‘having another one already?’. I wasn’t pregnant.

Never assume anything!

On the flip side my mum was 58 when she became a grandparent and regularly got mistaken for my DC’s Mum. She was very happy 😁

My dad was 50 when I was born. My mum was 42. When I was growing up, there was a woman who lived nearby who used to say hello to me if she saw me walking past and ask how my mum was. Then she’d say, “and how’s your granddad?”

I mean, dad had white hair from his 30s so always looked older, but I always wondered did she think he was my mum’s parent??

And yes, being a super awkward kid/teen, of course I never once corrected her.

My nanny was 38 when I was born so it's not unreasonable to think you're the grandparent if you're around that age.

Hi, love how on a thread about not making assumptions, you wade straight in with...a lazy assumption 🤣

The chance of having spontaneous (not IVF) non-ID twins increases with age, height, weight and a whole bunch of other factors. So women just starting having families later means there's more non-ID twins around.

Then there's other factors like race (Nigerians have a lot of twins, nobody really knows why), diet, stress/PCOS, having had twins previously, and basically way more than just IVF to explain why there are more and more multiple pregnancies here.

So "let's be honest" as "the only reason" there are loads of twins around isn't just IVF... tho as a twin mum I am super bored of people asking! People, stop and think, "would I ask this question to someone with one baby?" So why are you asking it to someone with twins??? 🤣🤣

My Nanna was 72 when I was born so it’s unreasonable to think you’re the grandparent if you’re around 40. See? Pure anecdotal.

I think it’s entirely dependent on someone’s background: it would never occur to me someone around 40 would or could be a grandparent because that’s not my experience. Someone else with younger grandparents will think differently.

There are such things as identical m/f twins but it’s v rare and you will only be offered the test to check under certain circumstances.
when someone asks me if my obviously boy/girl are identical however I say “no one of them has a penis”

I totally made this mistake once while organising an activity at a school event.
I assumed the white haired older man who was at least in his mid 60s was the grandfather of the young children he had with him. The youngest was a preschooler.

I only realised years later when I met him at another school event that he was their father.

This is just silly.

It wouldn't be unreasonable to think that you could be the grandparent at that age, as clearly, some people do have grandchildren at that age.

However, it is very unreasonable to think that you are the grandparent if you're around that age, when so many parents are still having children in their late thirties/early forties.

Surely the reasonable approach is not to assume either way?!

There are such things as identical m/f twins but it’s v rare and you will only be offered the test to check under certain circumstances. say what now?

You are most likely to have twins between 35 and 37 so if the twins are 3/4 @SheepingStandingUp is most likely 38 to 41, so you couldn’t really be a more average twin mum.🤣. I’ve had an older man do this too, it totally freaked me out.

My DH was mistaken for his mum’s husband once when he went to visit her in hospital.

Yep it’s true. I was part of a twin group in an area of London that had masses of twins and there was a few identical m/f twins.
i find the penis comment stops people in their tracks and they laugh

and agree with previous poster I get chatted to a lot. Having twins is a conversation starter for sure

I usually assume someone in their 40’s with young children is the grandparent, just because that’s the norm where I’m from. I would never say anything though!

🤣🤣🤣🤦🏻‍♀️

Yep it’s true. I was part of a twin group in an area of London that had masses of twins and there was a few identical m/f twins

You're going to have to explain this one to me because I'm slow on the uptake.

How can they be identical if one has cubs chromosomes and the other has xx?
Or are you talking about one being trans?

XY not cubs

www.twins.org.au/twins-and-families/frequently-asked-questions/62-twin-facts/19-can-male-female-twins-ever-be-identical#:~:text=In%2099.9%25%20of%20cases%20boy,into%20a%20male%20%2F%20female%20pair.

When I went to visit my sister when she had her eldest baby she was 29 and I was 34. The paediatrician came in to check on my nephew and said to me you must be Grandma!