to think you don't ask if someone is the grandparent unless its OBVIOUS

[SheepingStandingUp]

lets pretend i'm feeling light-hearted about this.

Man in shop (MIS): Are they twins?
Me (looking at identically dressed and looking children the same size): Yes
MIS: Oh lovely, How old are they?
Me: 2.5
MIS: Oh they're big aren't they
Me: Yup, got their long legs from Dad, not from me!

He talks to his friend for a bit

MIS: They are big for their age though aren't they
Me: Sure are
MIS: Are you their Nan.
Me (Stare him in the eyes, smilelessly). No.
MIS: Oh erm i was just thinknig how big they are.... scuttles out the shop.

So aibu to ask how old you reckon i must LOOK for him to ask?

A bit of a mouthful but avoids awkward moments. "bring your mum in"... "that's my wife!".

I agree. It's rarely a good idea to guess.

So rude. There's simply no reason to blurt out a question of that type. It's not even an honest mistake, imo. Nothing but blatant nosiness.

Sometimes parents look old to have young children, and sometimes grandparents are quite young to be grandparents. I can understand someone making a wrong assumption, but to just come out with that question for no apparent reason... Why? What good could come of it? Why did he need to know? There were other things he could have said, if he was just making polite chat.

Conclusion: He was nosy and rude to ask. Maybe he learned a lesson today and the next person he encounters will benefit.

Eh. You are old enough to be a grandma 🤷‍♀️ Young nans were normal in the last town I lived in.

I got mistaken for DH's mother once. I'm only 4 years older than him, so clearly looked really shit that day!

I remember at age 42 having a conversation with some other women who worked in my building - we were all a very similar age. One of us (me) had a child in Primary school, another colleague had just returned from maternity leave and also had a toddler, one had adult children/grandchildren, and another had children ranging from primary age to adult with their own DC.

Definitely make no assumptions !

You are absolutely right OP, I'm still cross about an ice cream man doing this about DD years ago. People don't engage their brains sometimes, and just splutter stuff out. We need a witty comeback. Wish I'd had one! I was just so rabbit in the headlights. In my defence, I live in an area where teen pregnancies are very common.

I wouldn’t take offence, mother age changes a lot according to the socioeconomic circle where you move. In mine, most of us had children in our 30s, someone from work is also in her early 50s and just got a great granddaughter!

My exh was 12 years older than me, still is come to that, and I was 31 when I had our first child.

He was frequently taken for our children's grandfather and people were always assuming he was my father.

I did, and still do, look very young for my age and he went bald when he was in his mid 20s, which can be very aging; this was long before it was fashionable for men to shave all their hair off.

People often don't look beyond their first impressions of other people and just make assumptions

I had my kids in my 40s. Never been asked if I'm their gran. But my husband was chasing after our daughter when she was a toddler and someone shouted 'hurry up grandpa' and he was DEVASTATED. He was 48.
Though when I was about 48 I was with a younger male friend (about 34) looking at a property and the estate agent asked me if he was my son!!!!😱😱😱. I gave him such a look he should have dissolved on the spot.

I was out for a walk at a local beauty spot with a friend. A very small boy rushed up to me and flung his arms round my legs, which was nice, but unexpected 🤣. His older sibling came across, took his hand and said “he thinks you’re our Nana, you look just like her”. Not unreasonable as I am a Nana, but didn’t realise I was actually such a generic Nana that any random toddler would love.

I feel your pain @Musti This will be next for me, I'm sure. Do you have a witty comeback, or is a punch in the fizzog the best option? 😂

OP in fairness I've got friends in the Black Country whose parents became grandparents at 36

My mam asked a man well into his 60s, which of his kids two toddlers belonged to. Thought it was grandad bringing them out for a bit. She nearly passed out with embarrassment when he said they were his. She knew him from years ago and would say hello and have a polite chat, so he didn't take it to heart. Think she learned her leeson though 😂😂

I think people can assume all they like. Stereotypes are probably useful socially to assess situations and make sense of the world. You don't actually need to express that though. Some things are better left unsaid yes, you Mother

@huuskymam if she just said "Who do they belong to" maybe not as bad as saying, "Are you Grandad?"

Never assume.

It makes an ASS out of U and ME.

Never look at a woman's belly and ask she's pregnant either! My poor SIL was really hurt when her uncle put his foot in his mouth like this. (although he's a bastard and i think he said it on purpose)

Well if it lightens your mood- he’s a more awkward one:
My Dad is 19 years older than me and has aged very well. I maybe less so.
I have lost count of how many times when out and about we are presumed to be a couple/ he’s the father of my children.
Its so fucking awkward.

Maybe it's a new form of negging.

A friend of mine had her husband mistaken for her son when they were out shopping. They were both about 30 at the time and it would be quite a stretch to think that they were, say 40 and 20.

How could you not be old enough to be a grandparent at 48?? even you both you and your child were 21 when having children you could be a grandparent, 21 isn't overly young??

Well you get weird things said to all ages I think. Recently I have had:

them: Hes really tall, how old
Me : recently 2.
them: are you sure? He looks like he’s 4 or something
Me: erm well yes, I know when he was born, he’s definitely 2.

Also, on parents into evening for nursery start soon:

Them: oh this is parents evening for nursery , the college info evening for you is next week.
Me and dh: we are here for our 2 year old who’s starting soon
( we are 32 and 35!)

I am 58, I am asked at least once a day "Are they brother and sister?" with a nod towards the kids, (they are 1 and 2 and look alike), that's often followed by "And you're mummy?" I reply "No but they do live with me" to both questions. The next guess is granny but I am not that either.

I'm 50 with 2.5 year old twins.
No one has asked if I'm their granny yet, but I'll probably happen one day.

Im also surprised at the amount of people who ask me if they're identical, after I've said they are not/girl. It's so usual, I just expect it now as the second question.

I remember years ago visiting my brother his hospital. Someone passing asked "is that your dad?". "No, my younger brother"!

*boy/girl

Opposite here. 49 and still get mistaken for 7 year old dgs mum. His mum is my daughter. 🤣