to think you don't ask if someone is the grandparent unless its OBVIOUS

[SheepingStandingUp]

lets pretend i'm feeling light-hearted about this.

Man in shop (MIS): Are they twins?
Me (looking at identically dressed and looking children the same size): Yes
MIS: Oh lovely, How old are they?
Me: 2.5
MIS: Oh they're big aren't they
Me: Yup, got their long legs from Dad, not from me!

He talks to his friend for a bit

MIS: They are big for their age though aren't they
Me: Sure are
MIS: Are you their Nan.
Me (Stare him in the eyes, smilelessly). No.
MIS: Oh erm i was just thinknig how big they are.... scuttles out the shop.

So aibu to ask how old you reckon i must LOOK for him to ask?

My mum was a grandma before she was 40 so age can be very variable.

When our boys were small people used to assume we had a new relationship because we were older parents. We had been married for 15yrs before we had children. DH was mistaken once for the boys grandad when they were teenagers, they thought it was hilarious.

It all depends on where you are, what you wear etc I think. Some areas it’s common to be a young grandma. I saw a woman at the weekend with a 3yo and from a distance she looked 50s/60s, so I assumed grandma. She walked right by me and I realised up close she was actually late 30s. The way she dressed and her hairstyle looked so much older, like my mum’s friends in their 70s!

And even over 70 can be risky! My best friend has a 14 year old DS, a 12 year old DS and her DH had his 70th in the first lockdown. She is younger obviously although they did have their eldest when she was 41.

Although I think they both accept that people assuming he is the GF is quite fair enough as he was an older first time parent.

(Actually my BF giggles about the time she had a first HV visit. her DH was at work and she made a mention to the HV that they were older parents and the HV said something flippant along the lines that as long as the combined age wasnt over 90 then anything went..... my friend said she collapsed with laughter and told the HV that the combined age was most definitely over 90. )

🫣
as a nurse I’ve done this…so embarrassing. Can’t assume mum is mum all the time either might be step mum, aunt, friends mum etc
now I usually ask the kid who’s with them and point at people or ask directly what their relationship to the child is even when it’s probably obvious it’s mum/dad

Yes, what's all that about?

Well I’ve also been mistaken a few times the last few months for being pregnant - I’m menopausal and in my 50s and have gained weight. Don’t know whether to be flattered or insulted haha. But I could easily be grandma to my youngest.

Maybe to that person it was obvious.

Depends how old you look

Totally agree op. I work at a hospital in the emergency department, and it's really taught me not to assume anything. When I collect a patient from the waiting room I say "you can bring your family member or friend in". A bit of a mouthful but avoids awkward moments. "bring your mum in"... "that's my wife!".

Same with pregnancy. A patient may look eight months pregnant but I still ask "are you pregnant" in the same way I would if they didn't. Because you never know.

to guess grandmother instead of mother of 2.5 year olds? At least 50 and more realistically 55.

grandmother of 2.5 year old at even 45 is quite unusual. That would be baby born at 42, pregnancy started 41-42. So both grandmother and mother would have had to have become pregnant just after age 20 which is far below average and was even 20 years ago.

My DH and his twin sister often get asked that, even when they know they are male/female twins!

Yes t me it comes underage same umbrella as the pregnancy thing.

When I was wedding dress shopping I go asked if it was for my second wedding. Seems dramatic how much it upset me now, but it at the time it made me feel like shit.

But that is old enough to be a grand parent. My mum had an 8yo granddaughter by then

if you were all young mums it’s justold enough to a great grandparent,

But at 48 you are old enough to be his grandparent! My parents and in-laws were all grands by that age!

You met a creepy weirdo OP. It is not usual for a man in a shop to start chatting to a woman he doesn’t know, and even less normal for him to ask a bunch of questions about the kids she’s looking after. Not socially acceptable, even.

You don’t look old, you just met a weirdo.

One of my 14yo ds friends Mum is a granny of school aged children and she's 3 years younger than me! Mum's (and gran's) come in all ages these days

My mum was a nan by 47. I could be a nan in another 10 years at 42. It's not out of the realms of possibility. But I personally would never assume

How rude
No I wouldn't have said nor asked this
Jerks

You didn't look 48?

I had my youngest when I was 37. When she was about 18m I was holding her at the supermarket checkout and she was sobbing. The checkout lady kept saying, 'It's alright, you're with your nanna'
I was most affronted and went home and moaned about it to my husband. But he, rightly, pointed out that I easily could be her nanna.

Can understand your disappointment but you are old enough to be a grandmother, if you had a baby at 18 and that baby had these twins at 18. I appreciate that is not the case 🤣 but I'm certain he didn't look at you and think 'this woman is 70, she must be a grandmother'

I’ve done this before. 5 year old was picked up after the holiday activity I was running by a women who looked to be in her 50s. I assumed grandma. It was the mother. I apologized and kicked myself mentally. I also once did the same in reverse and assumed woman who looked to be early 20s was the nanny. She was mum. At that point I decided to just assume everyone was mum because it’s less upsetting when you get it wrong that way.

Always assume it’s the parent.

I had this the other week. DD is at a school for kids with SEN and I was waiting to collect her. She had just come out and one of the other boys came up and asked if I was her granny!! She thought it was hilarious and keeps reminding me of it.

To be fair I had DD at 45 so could possibly have been her granny.

Although I was cheered up when talking to DDs taxi driver and mentioned that I had a big birthday coming up. She was ten years out when she guessed and couldn't believe it when I told her. That did make me feel better.😁

A long time ago when I was 35 my sister who was 5 years younger, got into a mini-cab with her baby, and my now ex and I waved her off from our house.

The driver asked her in a nice way, is that your mum & dad? !!

I used to get asked that about my two, and whilst they do look very alike, there's nearly 3 years age difference between them!

"Are they twins?"
"What, the baby and the toddler? Yeah. That was a hell of a long labour..." 😆