to think you don't ask if someone is the grandparent unless its OBVIOUS

[SheepingStandingUp]

lets pretend i'm feeling light-hearted about this.

Man in shop (MIS): Are they twins?
Me (looking at identically dressed and looking children the same size): Yes
MIS: Oh lovely, How old are they?
Me: 2.5
MIS: Oh they're big aren't they
Me: Yup, got their long legs from Dad, not from me!

He talks to his friend for a bit

MIS: They are big for their age though aren't they
Me: Sure are
MIS: Are you their Nan.
Me (Stare him in the eyes, smilelessly). No.
MIS: Oh erm i was just thinknig how big they are.... scuttles out the shop.

So aibu to ask how old you reckon i must LOOK for him to ask?

It's always safer to assume parent rather than grandparent he was daft

Ughhhh I did this at nursery pick up to a Dad.

In my defence, his child and mine leave at the same time every day and he's picked up by mum, an older man and a younger man so it didn't feel like a huge leap when I said 'ohh, Grandad pick up today?' and yet...there we were.

Further in my defence, he told me he did actually have grandchildren, just this wasn't one of them.

I did think about changing nursery and/or her pick up time for a while though.

I had my son early 40's, his dad is 5 year older,and frequently mistaken for GD. There was one occasion where I was out with my adult niece and she was assumed to be mum- they are both fair. I assumed from that, I must be gran 🧓

My parents were 40 and 42 when I was born in the 80's and everyone must have thought they were my grandparents. Looking back they didn't look old

I know 😂😂 they're in 3-4 and stocky but they're not HUGE

I am 48 and my youngest child is 13. Last summer we were in a canoe, paddling down a river which has some pretty fast flowing parts... someone on the bank, clearly with her own grandchildren.. said. 'Look.. isn't that a fun thing to do with your granny!'....

Not too many grannies would head off down a river of rapids with their grandchild! I was feeling rather 'cool Mum' right until that moment!!

@FawnFrenchieMum I didn't say I wasn't old enough to be a grandparent, I said I didn't look old enough to be mistaken for one, largely due to fortunate genetics. My mum didn't look old enough to be a grandparent when my now adult child was born. Indeed she was mistaken for her mum several times. Regardless, in my mind, you don't make assumptions or if you're not sure, say nothing.

Oh God! I was mistaken for my Dad's wife once. Hugely embarrassing 😂

I was once mortified as I referred to someone as DC's nan because my DS had said that was who she was. I was actually thinking how young she looked to be a nan. I'd never assume. I do work in KS2 though and lots of them have nans around my age or not much old mid 40s)

I've noticed there are lots of responses to my earlier post saying 48 is old enough to be a grandparent. I KNOW THAT. My point was if you are unsure, say nothing.

Well that's my point. If it's obvious to him how old did he think I was?

Oh no I have twins, EVERYONE talks to me

DP and my parents were early/mid-40s and early 50s when our first was born, so I might wonder if someone in their 40s and older was a grandparent if they had young children with them.
Although that is partly due to getting it wrong the other way! I have a colleague in her mid-40s and our children are at the same nursery. I assumed the child (around 3) was hers and she'd had children later in life, turns out it's her granddaughter! Although I'd never just assume out loud, she mentioned it and I realised then!

Its a weird thing to ask anyway, you have a good chance of offending someone if you get it wrong.

I remember being 14 and annoyed when a man in his 50s asked which one was my son when I was at a birthday party with my 5 year old brother and his 5 year old friends

Perfectly understandable to think someone in their forties would be a grandparent because they could be. If you choose to have children later in life it's par for the course really.

@SheepingStandingUp probably 45-55

You didn't say that though

But if someone mistook you for a grandparent then you did look old enough for someone to mistake you for a grandparent.

It's not always a choice...

Very upsetting though surely was not the intention when it was said😄 i dont know why people have to comment at all - i always wait until information is offered or go for the "oh who is with you today"

Have never been called a granny but once when our eldest dc was in hospital as a baby a foreign consultant was astonished that dc was our only child. eg didn't think we where grandparents but was astonished that at 35 we had a first baby and that baby wasnt the youngest of an existing family. The nurse with him was mortified.

My dh was asked when with my ds aged 12 at the time "oh is that your grandad" he was only 38 when we had ds and this was in a very middle class area where the average age of a parent was 35-50 - husband was mortified. Again not sure why people feel the need to comment at all. The guys wife again was mortified luckily ds never heard!

That said i have siblings one of whom is ten years older and they often got asked oh are you with your mum eg me aged 10 sibling aged 20.😄😄

Again don't comment unless there is a need to and a "who are you with" works better for me

I never ask but once a person looks around 40 plus you never can be sure if they are the parent or grandparent because technically you are old enough to be a grand parent to a baby/toddler.

It's best to assume it's the parent rather than the grandparent, the grandparent isn't going to be offended and will just correct you while feeling quite chuffed.

Oh no I have twins, EVERYONE talks to me

Ha I can concur with this one. I find when out with my twins it tends to be more men that will make conversation and they tend to think themselves comedians - last week a man stopped me and said me and DH should get a TV 🤔

My DD is 12 and I was asked if I was her Gran. I'm 39

No, your point was that you "didn't look anywhere near old enough to be mistaken for grandparent" when you are fully grandparent age and clearly were mistaken for a grandparent.