to think you don't ask if someone is the grandparent unless its OBVIOUS

[SheepingStandingUp]

lets pretend i'm feeling light-hearted about this.

Man in shop (MIS): Are they twins?
Me (looking at identically dressed and looking children the same size): Yes
MIS: Oh lovely, How old are they?
Me: 2.5
MIS: Oh they're big aren't they
Me: Yup, got their long legs from Dad, not from me!

He talks to his friend for a bit

MIS: They are big for their age though aren't they
Me: Sure are
MIS: Are you their Nan.
Me (Stare him in the eyes, smilelessly). No.
MIS: Oh erm i was just thinknig how big they are.... scuttles out the shop.

So aibu to ask how old you reckon i must LOOK for him to ask?

I'd also be interested in hearing how this is possible...

How odd. Most people of 40 would not look old enough to look like grandparents. I mean, I know someone could become a grandparent at 30/32, but even so, most people (IME) don't usually become grandparents til 50+. Many people of 40, can pass for mid 30s, even early 30s, so it's a bit odd that someone thought 2 year old twins were your grandchildren if you're 40! (IN MY OPINION.)

Don't sweat it @SheepingStandingUp when I was 46 (several years ago,) I bought several items from a pharmacy in town, and the woman knocked 10% off. I said 'oh what's that for, is it a Wednesday afternoon thing?' 'No,' she said, 'we give 10% off everything for pensioners.' I said 'pensioner?!' I'm 46.' 'She said 'oh well it's hard to tell people ages these days isn't it?'

I was actually gobsmacked, and knocked sideways, and actually very upset later on when I sat and thought about it. I thought 'how fucking SHIT must I look if she thought I was over 65 when I'm 46?' I didn't tell anyone about it but I felt really low about it.

A few days later however, a woman at the checkout in Morrisons who was 65 that day (it was on a badge pinned to her shirt,) was telling me her son is expecting his first child. 'He's around your age' she said. So if she was 65, HE can't have been much older than early to mid 40s. So I felt a bit better then, as she apparently assumed I was in my 40s! (Which I was.) I have no desire to look 20 years younger, (and why WOULD I?) but someone offering me an over 65s discount when I was 46 was just depressing!

But yeah tl;dr, some people are just bad at telling ages. At 46, I didn't look 21, but no WAY did I look over 65.

It seems unlikely.

But… but… but… HOW?

I think if they are unsure they should assume that you are mum until they know for sure.

I’m 50 and DD is 9. I do sometimes get mistaken for her grandmother, especially since I stopped dyeing my hair and embraced the grey.

I had a guy at the airport recently who said to me ‘Are you mum or grandma?’ and I laughingly told him he should have quit while he was ahead and just asked ‘Are you mum?’

I suspect some people assumed I was my children's grandmother when they were younger (I was obviously old enough to be as I had them at 36 and 38). Fortunately no one was rude enough to ask!

I'm not sure it's that different from when I was a child, though. When I was born in the early 1960s my parents were 34 and 35 and they were five years older than that when my youngest sibling was born.

I remember my father coming to watch sports day once when I was about 15. He would have been 50 and more than one person asked if he was my grandfather.

I'm now in my 60s and not expecting grandchildren yet.

They don’t have identical genes but did start from the same cells. Personally I would say they aren’t identical. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think identical m/f twins are a genetic mutation and therefore extremely rare.

I know a 34 year old man who became a grandad and a 52 year old woman who became a mum. I have learned the hard way to keep my mouth shut and never assume!

My mum had this happen to her the other day when she was with my 6 year old daughter in McDonald’s! She’s 70. She was absolutely over the moon 😂

VirginiaCreek that’s nothing! I was just starting to show with our son so wearing a cute shift dress. Dh was wearing shorts & T-shirt. A waitress looked at us and said, ah you’ve brought your son! We were in a group of 10 people and you could hear a pin drop! I AM older than dh but when I was that young I looked maybe a year older. My brother got so upset for me he really balled the waitress out. That was 20 years ago and it still stings!! Still married too.

Never assume but err on the side of caution 'Are you mum?'

Of course you do- I was a grandma at 40 so you as an older mum are old enough to be a gran.

I made this mistake with a woman in her late 40s/ early 50s (obviously I don't know exact age). She had two primary aged children and I asked how old her granddaughters were. Thankfully it was in French so I quickly recovered granddaughters to little (youngest) daughter and hid behind my foreigner status. I felt bad but I grew up with a young mum and young grandparents. There were less than two years between my uncle and my brother so my perception is skewed.

I have made this mistake. We were invited to dh friends home where they had family there as well. We had never met the wife before. I went over and spoke to his wife assuming that was his mum. She most definitely looked miles older than him, no doubt about that. I felt awful but I was not the only one who did that, a colleague did the same that night. Some people just really, really look the part.

Another incident. Friend and I went out for lunch. The bill came and I insisted on paying, waitress said how nice it was to treat my mum. My poor friend is the same age as me.

Within two months I had an old lady (possibly with poor sight) tell me I had ruined my life by being a teenage Mum, AND someone else mistake me for DS's grandma. I was 30.

Awww that's cute tho @Remainiac

@Apollonia1 do you get asked the ivf qn? Lots of people say they do but despite my apparent age no one has ever asked. It's the one stupid twin qn I don't get lol

Interesting, I hadn't massively noticed a gender difference but having had a child with an obvious disability so of course everyone makes stupid comments and asks the same qns, twins had felt quite easy and if they say "double trouble" I agree, loudly, before they find out for themselves!!

As an older mum you're probably going to have to get used to this kind of thing. Many people are grandparents by your age.

I don't think the meant to offend you he just didn't think before he spoke.

You are most likely to have twins between 35 and 37 so if the twins are 3/4 @SheepingStandingUp is most likely 38 to 41, so you couldn’t really be a more average twin mum.🤣. I’ve had an older man do this too, it totally freaked me out. oh that's interesting, I got pregnant and gave birth all in my 37th year.

It goes both ways though. I know two people who were grandparents in their thirties (one at 31!!) and people always assume the grandchild is their child.

People are so nosey and judgemental of women in general. Maybe you should start interrogating these people about how old they are.

Well that's the thing. I had DS at 33, I'm one of the older Mom's in his class as it is. One had her first at 40, but lots of them are still in their mod twenties / early thirties.

When the twins start, I'm going to have all these Mom's in their early twenties thinking I'm old enough to be THEIR Mom.

If it wasn't so what-do-you-call-it, I'd upload a photo for judgement lol

Surely part of the issue here is that for some people the idea that they might have had a child at 17 or so feels insulting? So the person might think you look youngish, but be making assumptions about your education and social class.

I’m 48, I probably look it, my son is 6 but nobody has ever assumed I am his Granny, but I also don’t personally know a single person who had a child before the age of 27.

Surely part of the issue here is that for some people the idea that they might have had a child at 17 or so feels insulting?

Why on earth would anyone feel that?

Oh I knew someone would get all accusatory when I said that! Teen pregnancy is not something I would have been proud of.