To have my boyfriend of 4 months sleep in my spare room?

[hotnakedgelato]

My boyfriend and I are very serious even though it's a relatively short relationship - there hasn't been any drama or complications and we are both clear that we plan to have a serious long term relationship.

I have a 5 year old who loves the boyfriend.

The boyfriend is having work done on his house for the next week or two. I have told him that he can sleep in our spare room. (My 5 year old sleeps with me).

Now I am fretting about whether this is inappropriate in some way. Is it too much too soon, etc. Interested in others' thoughts.

For context, the 5 year old's father introduced his girlfriend before they were even official/serious and she definitely stayed over at his from early on.

Your 5yo LOVES your boyfriend that you have had for 4.... months?
Why would you already introduce him to her? Because your ex did that too?

And now you are considering living with you (for a short time)? You know this is a bad idea. Why else would you post on here.

Why is the 5yo sleeping in your room btw.. because she is clingy and you can't be arsed.... wow... you know this is gonna end bad right. For literally all parties involved 😅

I've read your other posts. This relationship isn't quite as rosy as you're making out on this thread.

Oh, really? Geez. Well, scratch what I said before.

@Clymene ummm, that's news to me. He has shown that he is poor at planning and I have been annoyed by this on two occasions. There literally has been nothing else negative in the relationship.

Agreed @gogohmm. Op, regardless of whether you're right or wrong, I wouldn't bother asking on here. If anyone mentions they're a single or young mum, you will get these kind of replies no matter what. Ask your family, it'll probably be more helpful.

@DaddyPiglet I have asked my mum and some friends post this thread, and none of them see a problem.

Your son shouldn't have even met him yet, 4 months and he loves him? He shouldn't be sleeping in your house while your child is there. Period. You barely know him yourself.
You need to dial it way back.

@afinethingindeed did you have a child then? Because it's a completely different kettle of fish.

Did they see a problem with your abusive ex?

Just make up your own mind. Your child. Your responsibility to prioritise them.

Yes, they thought he was a selfish cunt.

I don't really, either. You just say it's your friend. He's in the spare room for a little while then goes back home. And even if you were making a wrong move, the patronising Andrea rude posts aren't getting their point across well.

(that was to TrashPandas)

Does your daughter know he is your boyfriend?

That's good at least. Hopefully for your daughter's sake you aren't making the same mistakes again.

I agree with OP here. Lots of parents all around the world co-sleep, just because you choose not to, doesn't mean you're doing 'better' by your child.

I do think 3 months is too soon for introductions but then again, I still haven't after 4 years.

As I stated previously, I am far from a smug married - the fact that I am not is one of the reasons I would and do exercise more circumspection than the OP. I know what devastation can be caused when a home breaks up so I very carefully guard my kids against that happening. OP you've been annoyed by him twice in 4 months, enough to post on here about it apparently - that's actually quite a lot for a new relationship. No-one is saying it WILL fail or he IS a predator, but the simple fact is you know very little of him and being in one another's space 24/7 is very different to dating. Is he really going to be ok going off to the spare room every night - are you honestly telling us you won't be sneaking in there once your DD is asleep? - You've said she's really clingy - if she wakes up and comes looking for you, regardless of any issues she might have, is he really going to be totally chill about having to interrupt and stop what you're doing because DD has turned up in the doorway? Maybe he will, I don't know, but there are 100% many other options so why do this when there are so many potential downsides?

Well that, and also you weren't getting the answers you wanted!

How on earth do any of know you or your boyfriend (and his intentions) which could be completely and utterly harmless?

I mean my nana (my DM's mum) stayed with her husband (DM's stepdad) until they divorced but after he stroked her when she got into bed with her DM after nightmares, my DM made damned sure we (nana's grandchildren) were never left alone with our step-grandfather as he then became due to that touching incident of her.

No I wouldn't have a man I know 16 weeks sleep in the same house as my small child. Not a hope.

There was a thread yesterday where a poster was complaining that her boyfriend of 3 months didn't want to meet her dc yet and every poster without fail agreed 3 months was WAY too soon to even be considering it anyway. This dc was only 2. A 5 year old has way more awareness of what's going on. He's clearly already met him but I think I this is way too much too soon. Irrelevant that dad has made poor choices. I have an ex that does this and I have to work harder to balance those out for the most part ...

What's he actually having done to his house, @hotnakedgelato ? I've lived in countless renovation projects (including one which had no roof for several days - we had to rig up plastic sheeting in case of rain). Is it that big a project? If so, he ought to look at renting somewhere for six months if he's too sensitive to live in it.

I wouldn't have introduced a partner to my DC that soon, even if I felt I had a magical and inexplicable connection with them 🤨, simply because children who have lived in an abusive household need to have things as stable as humanly possible. That doesn't mean you can't have a boyfriend (or even boyfriends), and I don't remotely believe that every man is a potential paedophile - but you can't reasonably have a new partner to stay in your daughter's safe space (and I mean that as in 'emotionally safe' - i.e. just with you). Not even in your spare room.

From reading the dating post he sounds like a great catch 😬

Seems the dc already knows him in a boyfriend capacity though so too late for a 'mummy's friend' scenario. Although 4 months in in the honeymoon period it would be pretty hard to hide anyway

99ProblemsButAnIncelAintOne what's so bad about that? Op didn't want to go too far. The dd spoke to the bf. I thought you were going to show that she walked in or something, that didn't happen.

Did you miss the bit about him having previously taken a lot of drugs?

Not someone I'd want around my kids but each to their own.

Seems like he was around and meeting the kid a couple of weeks into the relationship so no point stopping now. Good luck op.

I would wager a guess that half the judgemental responses come from people who have been smugly coupled for decades and have absolutely no idea what it is like to date as a single parent.

Very wrong - been single for the best part of 10 years (as in separated from DC's dad) Had the odd relationship one lasting nearly 18 months but was never going to be serious so did not involve dc at all. Shorter ones I hoped at 4 months might end up serious but of course you can never tell at that stage so wouldn't have dreamed of introducing them to my dc. If you can only see someone once a week to avoid having to do so then that's how it is.