To have my boyfriend of 4 months sleep in my spare room?

[hotnakedgelato]

My boyfriend and I are very serious even though it's a relatively short relationship - there hasn't been any drama or complications and we are both clear that we plan to have a serious long term relationship.

I have a 5 year old who loves the boyfriend.

The boyfriend is having work done on his house for the next week or two. I have told him that he can sleep in our spare room. (My 5 year old sleeps with me).

Now I am fretting about whether this is inappropriate in some way. Is it too much too soon, etc. Interested in others' thoughts.

For context, the 5 year old's father introduced his girlfriend before they were even official/serious and she definitely stayed over at his from early on.

There is no need to move out of your house because you are having flooring laid and the kitchen done! Most people can work around this very very easily, takeaways and indoor picnics to eat and I wouldn’t even need a workaround because my flooring is being done.

Together with the other red flags, I find this strange.

Because paedophiles don't exist, and they don't target and groom single mothers...and safeguarding disclosures are never made about mummy's boyfriend or a stepdad.
Teachers (and others of course) deal with this every day.
Are you really that sheltered?

OP has listed several red flags that anyone with training would be concerned about.

Every time the op replies there's more stuff that makes you go

I'm not usually one for red flags but bloody hell, get the bunting out for this one!

If he doesn't mind if you say no then say no. Mind you if he does mind if you say no then also say no.

Yes My kitchen and flooring were done and I didn't move out - just accepted I had no kitchen for a while!

This seems so contrived, and the daughter aleady has attachment issues. I fear OP is cockstruck, but at least she's seeing all the various issues here and may well change her mind.

Say 'no' to a man to see the real him is often said on MN.

I wouldn't want to live on a building site. F*ck that. He told me about this ages ago and we discussed at that time how shit it would be to live somewhere while work is being done. He hasn't manufactured this suddenly.

You mean 4 months ago?

OP i have had major major works on various places I've lived in, including new kitchens and total re-flooring, and I've never needed to move out.

OP< I lived with my two small kids while I had an extension built. We had no kitchen for 6 weeks and the living room was full of kitchen stuff. Dust and builders crap everywhere. We managed - a grown man living on his own can absolutely manage that. Have you discussed his contribution to the bills for those two weeks? Have you talked about making sure he has a dressing gown or PJs so your DD doesn't see him going to and from the bathroom just with a towel? Depending on how amenable he is to that kind of thing will tell you something about how genuine this is.

And how did you know it was going to last any longer at that time?

Do you have child free time when you see him? If so why the need to introduce?

And how well do you know him? Were you friends before the relationship started?

Agreed - I've had building works done on my small cottage/house (London suburbs) and have never ever had to move out! Even when bathroom was being refitted!

NDN's when having their extension built have 3 DC (1 was under 5) and they did move out to a rented house in the same street, but only because 3 small DC and building work could be chaos. A single man by himself definitely shouldn't need to move out.

How long ago can ages ago be if you’ve only known him four months? And it’s interesting to see it was his idea.

so I’m guessing no sex for the duration he’s there when your child is there?

dont you think it’s odd he’s no where else to stay but with someone he’s only known a few short weeks ?

Sounds worse and worse the more you say, but hey ho, you'll let him move in regardless.

An advanced search of OP finds her boyfriend forgetting her birthday and not planning anything and then calling MN posters a load of trolls at the end when she's not getting the responses she wants!

But he's said you can say no and he'll understand. So say no.

@GonnaGetGoingReturns yeah, all of those people thought that I was too demanding and expecting too much by thinking he should have planned ahead more.🙄

He came through in the end, but he's shit at planning, hence the last minute nature of the request to stay with me.

You still done have to agree to it though. If you're so determined you're right then there's no point asking others for their input tbh

I think you've had some very harsh replies OP, but I do think 4 months is too soon to have him staying in your house with your child there too. He sounds like a nice man. Expect he is probably perfectly safe to have around your daughter, but as you've not known him that long, I would want to wait longer before allowing him to stay to check that he stays the course with that option off the table for a while.

Please don't think I'm judging your relationship- sometimes you do just meet someone and it clicks. But however strong the connection with him or how much your daughter likes him, I still think caution is best. If he's as nice as he sounds (and he sounds great to me, although I haven't read every post) he will be very understanding and book a hotel.

I think the comments about your daughter co-sleeping are totally unnecessary. That's not what you asked advice on, and it's no one's business.

I met my partner when my boys were 4. I didn't wait for the apparently magic 6 months to introduce them, but I absolutely wouldn't have had him to stay at my house with my children that soon.

There is no reason he can't stay at his own place. Most people manage. Tbh I'd rather stay on a "building site" than ask to stay with someone I've recently started dating and her child. I couldn't imagine my OH asking that so early on.

Nothing you say can convince most people here that this is a good idea, and that's no reflection on him, it's a reflection on the length of the relationship. It's just too short.

Your 5 year old child should not have met this guy yet, never mind 'love'.
No, I would not let my boyfriend of a few months stay in my child's home.
What your stupid ex has done has zero relevance to your situation, other than that you clearly both lack perspective when it comes to new love interests.

Also OP, if you are in receipt of any benefits or UC and he stays more than a couple of weeks, you might find yourself in a tricky situation there. Is he going to be prepared to make up any shortfall if you lose any benefits payments for not being a single household?

@ChiselandBits I don't claim any sort of benefits. This is a non-issue.

God, you are getting a hard time on this thread.

He is not moving in fulltime, for good - that would probably be too much too soon. He is staying for a week while work is done. Your daughter likes him. You have a spare room. I think it will be fun, cosy, and nice for you all to have him there. He sounds okay! Very few men on MN do! Good luck to you all.