To have my boyfriend of 4 months sleep in my spare room?

[hotnakedgelato]

My boyfriend and I are very serious even though it's a relatively short relationship - there hasn't been any drama or complications and we are both clear that we plan to have a serious long term relationship.

I have a 5 year old who loves the boyfriend.

The boyfriend is having work done on his house for the next week or two. I have told him that he can sleep in our spare room. (My 5 year old sleeps with me).

Now I am fretting about whether this is inappropriate in some way. Is it too much too soon, etc. Interested in others' thoughts.

For context, the 5 year old's father introduced his girlfriend before they were even official/serious and she definitely stayed over at his from early on.

I always think it's slightly ironic when an OP like this one, calls other posters unhinged simply because they don't agree with her, or are concerned! But again, OP will do exactly what she wants, whatever the consequences.

I'd like nothing better than to be proved wrong.

It's never nice (I've been on the other foot) when other MNers shoot something/someone down - if you're dating them, but the vast majority of them have experience in spades. Maybe this post shouldn't be in AIBU but be moved to Relationships instead.

Your responses on this and your other thread are bizarrely defensive and OTT. You are beyond rude and insulting to literally everyone except the one or 2 people who agreed with you.

You've fucked up. You've made bad choices. You know it, thats why you're asking and why you're so defensive. Now, instead of ranting and raving at people making sense, fix your mistakes.

I am a liar who is putting my romantic life before my child, and then desperately searching for evidence to support this.

I don't think you're a liar but come on, what more evidence is needed that you're putting your love life before your daughter? You introduced him within weeks and now he's staying in her house when you barely know him.

Sorry for mixing up the timings, I missed your second post and added the 4 months of your relationship and the 3 months you said you waited to introduce him and got 7 months/xmas time

You've fucked up. You've made bad choices. You know it, thats why you're asking and why you're so defensive. Now, instead of ranting and raving at people making sense, fix your mistakes.

Actually, I disagree. I am ok with my choices. 40% of people voting say IANBU. Someone literally sent me a DM saying they think my approach is fine but they are terrified of the backlash from the angry people here, so they didn't want to post in support publicly.

People here have (apparently) intentionally misrepresented everything I have said and made terrible assumptions about me and my parenting. I have concluded that "advice" (maybe better described as ranting and insults) from such parties is not valid.

@RealBecca no worries. It's just that I have taken things slowly getting into dating, and it's not a great representation to say that I left my ex and jumped into a new relationship when nothing could be farther from the truth.

I'm sure you meant nothing bad by it.

ah bless... never mind.

You'd get your arse handed to you on a plate in Relationships which is probably why you haven't posted there!

@CupidStunt22 - you've nailed it.

None of us are angry on this thread OP - we're just a bit bemused and baffled by your responses and advice people are trying to give you. Like I said, you do you.

Terrified of negative backlash on an anonymous forum? Crikey.

Terrified of negative backlash on an anonymous forum? Crikey.

Quite. https://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Lurkers_Support_Me_in_Email

Surely you realise that the last person you should be taking advice from is someone who is terrified of posting on an anonymous forum, where name changes are easy to do?

Nobody has mispresented the main facts. You put your young child and a man your barely know together in your home. Now you are going to move him in to your house. That's a fact. It's a bad idea.

Are all men who move in on single mothers paedophiles or abusers? No, of course they are not. But it IS a known tactic of paedophiles and abusers. Very well known. Past abusive relationship(s), young child, isolated from family...you could not be more textbook a mark.

Is your boyfriend one of them? I don't know. But the real point is this: neither do you.

Like I said, if you were perfectly ok with your choices you wouldn't be asking complete strangers online for opinions, even after asking everyone you know in real life. You're not sure. You've got some kind of niggling feeling that its the wrong thing. You were "fretting that its inappropriate in some way". You were feeling that because it IS INAPPROPRIATE.

But for some reason you'd rather screech at people than safeguard your child. It's an odd choice but its yours to make.

Sounds like you have thought about it sensibly and rationally. Your only mistake was asking for advice on this forum. You know much more about your situation than any body else so trust your judgement and it will be fine.
Good luck.

Op, you're defending indefensibly poor parenting choices. Really ridiculous to turn on people here when given a reality check that you're failing a parenting basic here.

Judging by OP's previous posts about this man, she certainly hasn't thought about it sensibly and rationally. She's more concerned about the boyfriend and sex so it would seem or she'd wait a while but also heed the red flags.

If it were me mentioning this to my family and friends (like she says she's done), most of them would be appalled and giving me good advice advising caution. But like me and others have said, we have no idea what he's like, he could be lovely and nothing to worry about or there could be more to it.

You only need to read some of the recent child abuse headlines (I'm not saying in any way that OP is putting her child in that sort of danger before the pitchforks come out!) that there must have been lots of family/friends/social workers who wished they'd seen/listened/done something or done more than what they did do, in those circumstances before a child was seriously harmed/dead.