To have my boyfriend of 4 months sleep in my spare room?

[hotnakedgelato]

My boyfriend and I are very serious even though it's a relatively short relationship - there hasn't been any drama or complications and we are both clear that we plan to have a serious long term relationship.

I have a 5 year old who loves the boyfriend.

The boyfriend is having work done on his house for the next week or two. I have told him that he can sleep in our spare room. (My 5 year old sleeps with me).

Now I am fretting about whether this is inappropriate in some way. Is it too much too soon, etc. Interested in others' thoughts.

For context, the 5 year old's father introduced his girlfriend before they were even official/serious and she definitely stayed over at his from early on.

Seriously, could people posting put your own situation up? Are you all married to your high school sweethearts and no concept of life? It's not always easy to find somewhere to stay. It's 6 days. She is entitled to have a romantic life, and to make sensible, considered decisons realted to how to merge that with her child.

You know the answer already OP, considering you're defending yourself on every post against all these crazies!

This is another reason why it's always better to talk to people IRL if possible about matters like this. People love to have an opinion on the Internet, and theirs is always right, despite them having completely different life experiences.

Of course he'll stay in the spare room...
This is nuts, you have a child, put him first.

Is highly anxious and doubting better than relaxed and doesn't consider everything better? I'd say the OP is on alert and that is not a bad thing. Far better than not questioning.

It won't be a "few weeks".

You've been honoured by a cocklodger. Congratulations.

People are being harsh, it seems fine. Honestly you can tell if a relationship is good enough to introduce a child, I knew immediately dp was for keeps

Sorry, her, put her first.

So you cancel the boyfriend.

Are you saying your DD has met this man 4 or 5 times in total? Are you only meeting him once per week for a few hours?

Apologies if someone's already asked this but who suggested him staying at yours? Did you offer or did he drop hints and suggest it and you said yea?

You "knew", because it turned out ok.
You didn't know at all, you got lucky.

Please don’t move in a boyfriend of 4 months in to your child’s home.l, even just for a weekend.

4 months is nothing, you really don’t know him Op.

There’s a reason people wait a year or more, time really does reveal people to us.

People are being harsh, it seems fine. Honestly you can tell if a relationship is good enough to introduce a child, I knew immediately dp was for keeps

Really? How do I acquire this amazing ability? Do I need to have a radioactive spider bite me? I'm sure that all the women who have suffered domestic abuse would love to know.

@passport123 18 months? We had bought a house within a year. Honestly the advice being given out by happily smug marrieds here is unbelievable. Single mothers do not need to be nuns and not all men are paediphiles!

If a relationship is good you know

He had been planning to stay elsewhere but when this fell through he asked, saying that he totally understands if the answer is no.

I'll never understand why so many mother's expose their children to new partner's they have only been with a few weeks.

You cannot possibly know him well enough at this stage to be sure this is a good idea.

It really is putting your own needs ahead of your child's.

Way too soon. You don't know a thing about him at four months and your five-year-old shouldn't be involved until the honeymoon period has well and truly worn off.

It's not always easy to find somewhere to stay. It's 6 days.

Actually, it's always easy to find a BB or commercial lodgings or cheap chain hotel for 6 days. And anyone having such extensive work done on a house he owns, can afford it.

@afinethingindeed

I was applying for jobs after 2 months to move down, "fortunately" covid helped me out, my job went online, I moved Saturday before lockdown. We honestly must be the only people who were advantaged by the pandemic

Honestly OP it just sounds like you've been targetted by a cocklodger. Just out of curiosity, when was the last time he brought you some flowers?

Exactly what kind of work means he can't stay in his own house?

If a relationship is good you know

Ok Mystic Meg. Then how the hell do so many women and children end up as victims of domestic violence? Yes there can be red flags and there are precautions which should be taken, but these men generally take their time, they turn on the charm. They gaslight women before their true nature starts to show. They're expert manipulators but no, apparently they were idiots and women "just "know"

Wow, OP wants a little advice and suddenly you are all super perfect parents and shes the devil.

Everyone is perfect behind a screen!

OP, I wouldnt personally have him stay over id politely suggest he'd stay with a friend. Youve introduced him to your DD and they seem to be getting along id leave it as that for now and let yourself and child build up a relationship first.

It all sounds a bit of a shitshow to be honest.

Dads moved a woman in quick, so now mum has decided to do the same and declares the kid loves the new boyfriend she’s known for approx 30 whole days. No wonder she’s started coming back in your bed; the poor kid is obviously crying out for comfort and security as her life is being changed.

She doesn’t love your boyfriend who she’s known 4 weeks and seen a handful of times. You know that’s ridiculous.

On sleeping arrangements, you’re doing him a big favour so he’ll sleep where you tell him to. I’m sure he wants to be considerate and fit in with as little hassle as possible.

If cosleeping works for your family then carry on as long as you want to. I wouldn’t recommend a man you haven’t known long sharing a bed with you and your unsettled clingy young daughter under any circumstances.

@DenholmElliot1 on Saturday he took me out for a £250 meal for a special occasion (planned some time ago). He also insists on doing the washing up etc when he has dinner with us. He's been very generous and equitable so far. And his house is quite nice.

I don't see the problem. He's not moving in, it's temporary and he's sleeping in the spare room.

Single mothers do not need to be nuns

Nobody has said that single parents shouldn't date. However a decent partner will understand the extra precautions of needing to take it slow and only meeting children when the relationship is ACTUALLY (not hopefully) long term. Anything else risks the child's wellbeing in terms of attachment damage, and in some cases abuse.