Grandparents cancelling babysitting

[Cara671244]

So me and dh were invited to a wedding back in February... wedding is in October. I asked my parents months ago if they would have dd for the wedding. They said yes. It's the whole day and night. So we returned the rsvp saying we would be attending.

Now my parents are after being invited to the evening part. They now want to go. My dd makes very strange with people and my parents are the only ones who have ever minded her.

I think it's unfair they want to cancel now but also realise they aren't obliged to mind dd either so who is being unreasonable here

It shouldn't be being dumped upon as grandparents to look after your granddaughter for 1 day and evening. She has already said that they never go out as they cannot afford it, and therefore cannot afford a babysitter especially doing trial runs. Why don't people rtft or at least OP's posts?
They agreed to a plan and are now back tracking- its their daughter's friends' wedding yet they are making them unable to stay for the full event as they got a courtesy invite much after the initial ones were out.
To describe someone looking after their grandchild as 'shouldering an obligation' is quite frankly very sad and I can't understand why so many people are putting all this back on OP and her DH when all they had arranged was one day and night at their friend's wedding. Bloody ludicrous to me!

Jesus saraclara, chill out, stop being so rude to people - are you the boss of mumsnet

@beautyisthefaceisee
It only takes a minute to click on 'see all' at the bottom of the OP, so you can just read the all the OP's posts if you don't have time to read a long thread.

But so what, its just stuff written by strangers, why does that make you so mad how its read?

Glad you have a solution OP. For what it's worth, I think your parents are being awful.
There is no way as the parent to my own adult DD I'd see her miss out on an event just so I could get to go instead. Much less given your respective relationship to the bride and the fact they'd already promised you.
Genuinely can't think of a thing to say in their favour about this.

I completely get why you don't have a list of people you can leave her with. I have my mum, and my sisters and SIL, and have never left the children with anyone else. So can see how your stuck being an only child. I also can't rely on inlaws, they don't seem to take an interest and were always busy when we did ask, so now we don't.

I do think they're being unreasonable.... its your friend getting married, not theirs. If that happened with my friend, mum would only go if me and hubby were going to be there, as she wouldn't know alot of people. She'd likely go to church with DD to see wedding go in/come out, but 100% would let us go and keep the children for us.

Glad another friend has stepped up, try to get lots of play dates in in run up to wedding, make it an adventure for her with her wee friends. (The children)

Also irish, so totally got "after being asked" in correct context 🤣🤣

@OP your parents are being unbelievably selfish here and quite frankly weird! This is a long standing agreement in place for them to babysit and for you and your husband (?) to let your hair down and enjoy yourselves!

I would be reading my mum and dad the riot act if they did this to me! You are completely being REsonable here in the context that your parents no longer have a relationship to the bride or groom and were only invited out of kindness like many Irish weddings!

I would point out to your parents how much not only attending the wedding of your childhood friend means to you but also how important it is for your relationship to go out child free and enjoy yourselves as a couple. 3 years is a reeeeeeeeeeaaaaallllllly long time OP!

Be firm here and insist that they keep to the original agreement and if all else fails honestly get your friend the bride to rescind her invite to her parents on account of their selfishness depriving the bride of her childhood friend at her wedding. Can’t imagine the audacity of your parents on the dance floor enjoying the evening entertainment whilst you and your husband are home tucking your little one into bed!

Drop the idea of your little one going to your friends. It will be too stressful and you will worry all evening if you do!

And if that fails - get your parents to agree to another night when they will have your little one and you and your husband use the money you have saved up on treating yourselves to a night away!

3 years is indeed a really long time to choose not to get a babysitter

Harridance choice really doesn’t come into the matter when you can’t afford to pay for a babysitter!

@Harridance are you being obtuse on purpose or are you just thick.

Not everyone has babysitters on tap.
I'm an only child,my mam babysat cause that's all I had.

Then she died ( I know the cheek).
Why is it so hard to get your Braincell around that.

Goldengirl, don't be so bloody rude just because I don't agree with you, money was not mentioned in ops first post

Yes, silly op not spending money she doesn't have to get a babysitter to go out and spend money she doesn't have. Fancy prioritising bills and food.

I hope you work this out OP, your parents are very selfish IMO.

I've just posted on site stuff to ask of mnhq can make the 'see all' button much more obvious and self explanatory. Long threads end up really frustrating and bad tempered (I hold my hands up to that) when people post stuff that OP has already said can't be done, back on page 1.

So your parents are happy to to go to the evening party instead of you - where they will know very few people and the bride knows her friend couldn’t attend because They backed out of babysitting.

sorry but you parents sound really selfish.

That's good you have found a solution! Hope it works out well. Still bad form of your parents.

No need to be a martyr.

You have three months to find a new babysitter and you should do that anyway. It’s perfectly normal to pay for a sitter.

Or if it’s your side of the family your DH leaves.

It feels like you are trying to make some kind of weird point to your parents.

What about dhs parents.

Would they not help out just this once for you

Your dps are being mean

Because the OP is speaking Irish English immediately recognisable to another Irish person

I’m a grandparent and wouldn’t dream of going back on an agreement to look after my grandchildren. Can I suggest though, for the future you widen the number of people your child feels happy with. You have created a problem for yourself by being too limited with who your child goes to. Start them off very young being comfy to be looked after by a selection of people….more the merrier and you will never have this problem again.

We should be able to report them and get repeated offenders banned. The arrogance of someone assuming no-one in the previous several hundred posts has had the same twee thoughts is beyond me.

Your friend is really kind.

I hope DD has a lovely day and flops with exhaustion in her own home for your friend.

I'd be so cross with the parents.

We learn as we go.

I hope you have a fabulous time, Irish weddings cost a fortune for the guests, borrow a nice dress, slip a few bottles of mini champagne/vodka in your handbag before you go.😂have a great time.

To add, let your parents have her for the earlier part of the day, she'll be less fed up with friend before bed time.

Drop her off early and get ready in peace.

Friend can collect from parents.
Give her coca cola before dropping off at parents.

Could DH stay hone while you go to the wedding?