AIBU to think that Giles Coren wanking into his family’s sofa is revolting?

[unitedcolorsofbattersea]

I posted a thread earlier this week about Giles Coren’s article in which he used the words “fuzzy-wuzzies” which some Mumsnetterz assure me is seriously sophisticated satire, and not dog-whistle racism.

I wonder what Mumsnet thinks of Giles Coren’s article ‘Farewell to Palms’ which is about masturbation. It was originally published in Esquire but has mysteriously been removed from the internet, although I found a link to it on Twitter as it is still accessible via the Way Back Machine: (with a massive trigger warning!):
t.co/LK6tbWAISR

For those who think it is TL; DR:

• Giles cut a hole in his unsuspecting family’s sofa and repeatedly “fucked” it.
• He comes home early from parties and stays up doing cocaine and wanking until his knob was raw while his girlfriend was sleeping next door
• He likes to crack out a crafty wank while his children are waiting to be taken to school

Discuss.

So did I. I can never look at him again.

So far in the AIBU poll 29% of people think that Giles Coren wanking into a sofa is not unreasonable - ha! I bet they’d think it was unreasonable if he was cutting a hole and wanking into their sofa.

He writes shocking things then when people are shocked claims it is satire in the same way that teen boys say something offensive and then shout it's only a joke when they get called out on it.

Now 30% of people who have voted in the poll think that Giles Coren wanking into his family’s sofa is a reasonable thing to do! That really surprises me.

Erm, that 29% are the ones who apparently agree with you that you're reasonable to give him even more attention?

‘Mumsnet’. One single entity, one mind, one opinion. Give over. So, so very lazy.

No I think it's pp's who disagree with you giving more audience to him

I really don't get your issue/point? Yes it's unpleasant isn't that his point? He's talking about an almost lifelong addiction to masturbation that often led to his own detriment. He described his lowest moments, what he lost because of it and concludes that he's stopped masturbating because it hadn't been good for him.

I actually think your post is a bit revolting. Imagine taking an addicts rock bottom anecdotes and using it to judge them negatively while they're trying to beat their addiction... The way your post is worded I thought it was going to be a prideful tale, it's really not that.

I'm not sure masturbation counts as an addiction. Any GPs around to confirm?

He’s like the Keyser Söze of shitheads.

I’m not a doctor but apparently there is a medical condition called Compulsive Masturbation Disorder: www.verywellmind.com/what-is-masturbation-addiction-5077411

[clutches pearls] no wanking pun intended.

You lost me at "discuss".

www.nhs.uk/live-well/addiction-support/addiction-what-is-it/

I think the article is quite gleeful and boastful in tone though. Very much look at me and what shocking things I can say about my shocking behaviour to épater le bourgeois. Also I’m not outing him as a compulsive wanker masturbator. He is the one who publicly wrote and published an article about it!

lol. All wanking puns gratefully accepted!

I'm not accusing you of outing him. I just think it's poor taste to judge an addict when they're just openly talking about how low they got. Being that open about it can help other people come to terms with their addictions. Lots of celebrities have detailed their low moments, I don't see this as any different.

I really can't see a problem with someone saying I fell into this lifestyle, I did very bad things, I don't want to be that person anymore, I quit. I don't see the glee you see, it sounded sad and pitiful to me.

I cant be arsed because it's probably made up.......maybe we should discuss how gullible some people are to fall for this 'edgy' nonesense instead.

I once heard someone (an old school friend) claim that they put a piece of liver in a jam jar and microwaved it up to body temperature before using it in place of Giles Corens sofa. Just imagine the smell.

I didn't like the fucker before this, but I now find him utterly repugnant. Dirty bastard.

@TwentyOneTwentyTwo had summed it up pretty well. If you read that and don’t see the self loathing and search for redemption then I don’t think you’re reading it with a lot of humanity. It’s meant to be uncomfortable, embarrassing, shameful, debased - all the things he feels about himself for his actions and how they led to the lowest moments in his life. How you justify and lie to yourself and those you love about your destructive behaviour. And finally at the end a search for some redemption.

‘he’s generally a very witty and accomplished writer.’

Really he’s not. He’s a weapons-grade bellend, in part perhaps because his Dad was sublimely talented, his sister seems super-smart and he’s just an obnoxious onanist.

He wrote this six years ago, it was mostly about stuff that happened when he was a teenager, and it's in the context of loathing himself for it and having given up. I can't see that there is anything to get worked up about.

Is there a photo of the sofa? If it was particularly attractive if might be more reasonable. Nice plump cushions, good set of legs, etc.

I hope its fiction.

Masturbation should always be a private activity.