AIBU to think that Giles Coren wanking into his family’s sofa is revolting?

[unitedcolorsofbattersea]

I posted a thread earlier this week about Giles Coren’s article in which he used the words “fuzzy-wuzzies” which some Mumsnetterz assure me is seriously sophisticated satire, and not dog-whistle racism.

I wonder what Mumsnet thinks of Giles Coren’s article ‘Farewell to Palms’ which is about masturbation. It was originally published in Esquire but has mysteriously been removed from the internet, although I found a link to it on Twitter as it is still accessible via the Way Back Machine: (with a massive trigger warning!):
t.co/LK6tbWAISR

For those who think it is TL; DR:

• Giles cut a hole in his unsuspecting family’s sofa and repeatedly “fucked” it.
• He comes home early from parties and stays up doing cocaine and wanking until his knob was raw while his girlfriend was sleeping next door
• He likes to crack out a crafty wank while his children are waiting to be taken to school

Discuss.

Alan was very funny, Victoria is whip smart, Giles is grim in every way.

To be fair he was only 11 during his sofa loving time. He's a weird character that's for sure. Somewhere deep in there is a brilliant writer but either he's only asked to write about wanking and how to be a rascist, or that's only what gets published because he's set himself up as a rascist wanker.

He's a twat but then I think the same of people who type "discuss" at the end of of their posts as if they're my school teacher

Obviously I have no idea to what extent any of the article resembles reality, but I think the (admittedly irritating) humour and crude schoolboy vocabulary of the first part is entirely intentionally crass because it leads into the shame and acknowledgement of the sad bastardishness of it all of the later section. It’s a deeply unflattering self-portrait — his wife walking in on him kneeling over the iPad with his cock in his hand, wanking as the kids wait to be taken to school, the fact that his marriage is celibate — and I think fucking the sofa etc is part of that.

I also pictured Giles Brandreth for ages when hearing about him. I knew Victoria Coren was his sister so I thought there was a huge age gap between the siblings.

He's just a wind up merchant. I agree we're playing his hands by talking about him.

I think the worst thing he's done was when journalist Dawn Foster, who had slightly criticised him, died in her 30s, and he tweeted "HAHAHA fuck off to hell where you belong."

It was - he’s one of the best when he puts his mind to it. Sometimes his humorous stuff doesn’t quite hit the mark but he’s generally a very witty and accomplished writer. He’s brilliant at puncturing pomposity and pretentious behaviour.

I keep seeing criticism on Mumsbet about him and not sure why he, in particular, gets targeted like this.

He just says things to get attention.

I started reading it and was so grossed out. Maybe the article got scrubbed from the Web because it was popular with pedos...

Ugh ugh ugh....I've always liked the Amazing Hotels programme, but never liked him and thought he is an arrogant twat.If he isn't going 'at it' (or at least would if he could) with that Monica, I'd be surprised, he is always obviously flirty and tactile with her.

You don't like Giles Coren. We get it. Trawling the internet for things he's written that you think will make us all agree with you is slightly odd behaviour though IMHO.

i also enjoyed the super sizer programme with him and sue perkins
but i dont want to read this article you have shared.

I didn’t trawl the internet. I saw a link to it on a Twitter thread in which people were discussing him being racist because of the “fuzzy-wuzzies” article last week. I thought it would be a funny topic of discussion as I know people on Mumsnet liked discussing the penis beaker incident and being a sofa fucker doesn’t seem that far removed from that.

The Dawn Foster thing was just putrid. She (rightly) pointed out that having a famous dad has helped him to gain a platform and he then danced gleefully when she died very young. Horrible little toad (that's unfair to toads really).

He seems pretty normal in that hotel programme. I can’t reconcile the two!!

His dad was great. He is pretty loathsome.

Some people like to spend their free time wanking into sofas, other people like to spend their free time digging up old articles so they can read about people wanking into sofas. To each their own and all that but I can't say either of those options could be regarded as a fun weekend for me.

This. I hate it as much as "Go".

Public schoolboy, he's called Giles.
Destined to be a half-wit manlet wanker.
Like most men from that crop of DNA.

Basically a bit of twit.

It's weird that the Esquire article has been scrubbed from the internet and is now only available on the Way Back Machine thoug. Someone - Giles himself, the publisher of Esquire? - doesn't want it to be read. Perhaps he's thought better of the article about his son being overweight too as that is no longer accessible either. I imagine your father calling you fat in print and "fucking" the family sofa could inspire some unkind teasing for Coren Junior.

Not a fan, mainly because of his obnoxious attitude when Dawn Foster (who had him bang to rights) died.
But I think this masturbation stuff is another misguided attempt to shock and gain attention. He probably read Portnoy's Complaint and got the idea there, not even original.

Or to stew in their own bin juices 😉

No way am I clicking on that link. Watch out anyone who does. I really don’t know why anyone would want to read about this anyway - looks like you’re posting clickbait OP. I wonder what your motivations are?

He's constantly attention seeking and acting our because he can't cope with having sister so much more clever, likeable and funny than him

Could not read the article just bizarre. Why on earth would he want this in printed memory for evermore he's super odd.

I really found that so uncomfortable

It doesn't read like a man describing his first wank as a boy, it reads 'PEADOPHILE READ ME YOU'LL ENJOY THIS'

And I bet a lot have

As pp says it is probably largely exaggerated (also, there's no outcome to the sofa story...) but the bath story in particular for me is far far too detailed