AIBU to think that Giles Coren wanking into his family’s sofa is revolting?

[unitedcolorsofbattersea]

I posted a thread earlier this week about Giles Coren’s article in which he used the words “fuzzy-wuzzies” which some Mumsnetterz assure me is seriously sophisticated satire, and not dog-whistle racism.

I wonder what Mumsnet thinks of Giles Coren’s article ‘Farewell to Palms’ which is about masturbation. It was originally published in Esquire but has mysteriously been removed from the internet, although I found a link to it on Twitter as it is still accessible via the Way Back Machine: (with a massive trigger warning!):
t.co/LK6tbWAISR

For those who think it is TL; DR:

• Giles cut a hole in his unsuspecting family’s sofa and repeatedly “fucked” it.
• He comes home early from parties and stays up doing cocaine and wanking until his knob was raw while his girlfriend was sleeping next door
• He likes to crack out a crafty wank while his children are waiting to be taken to school

Discuss.

Here is a link to the article: t.co/LK6tbWAISR

I think Giles never lets the truth get in the way of a good story. Or a shit story in fact. His endless showing off is very tiresome

This one seems to have actually worked! ‘Farewell to Palms’ article

Even if you did this why tell the world? Does he not care what his wider family thing? What his kids friends parents’ think? No idea how old his kids are but not sure if my kids were at school with his I’d want them going round for a play date. The risk of them stumbling across him with his knob out sounds high.

the sofa must be a bit stinky.

No story here as everyone knows he's a massive wanker

Oh I’ve read the article now there’s a working link, so it was something he did as a teen. I thought he was still doing it as an adult. 😆. I mean it’s still grim. Nothing against wanking but cutting a hole in the sofa and fucking it is extreme.

I’m sure Giles Coren didn’t used to be this bad. I used to quite like him him in the supersizer thing with sue Perkins. Maybe he was always awful, but just hid it better. Are there no depths he won’t sink to to get his work published.
I can almost imagine a sub editor having a terrible idea and dismissing it…until ah I know Giles will write about this.

Discuss??

"Discuss"

No.

This was a lot to read about masturbation.

The whole things about the sofa cushion is just....bizarre! And the bit about his wife catching him before taking the kids to school - I find getting us all out the door in a morning stressful enough and if my husband was upstairs wanking while I was wrestling small feet into school shoes and packing lunch boxes I would not be impressed.

His father was a really gifted author and performer. Giles is a lucky boy.

Stop giving this odious creature your headspace and more publicity 🙄

Is being addicted to wanking - to the extent that you “fuck” your parents’ sofa and are doing it while your children need to be taken to school and presumably could walk in on you - really something to boast about though? Isn’t it something he should have done/do discreetly and privately? Those both seem like very risky wanks. I would be seriously unhappy if my husband was wanking while he was supposed to be doing the school run. Mrs Coren is obviously a lot more tolerant than me.

Possibly more normal than we want to believe.
His recent review of the Laurie Lee pub in the Times was really touching. I think he's a talented writer.

Can we all club together to buy a very remote island (off the coast of Greenland) and just dump him and Laurence Fox there, leave them to stew in their own unpleasant little lives.

Can we all club together to buy a very remote island (off the coast of Greenland) and just dump him and Laurence Fox there, leave them to stew in their own unpleasant little lives.

The fact here is describing his first masturbation as a child/teen like some erotic novel is frankly disturbing. He is a very strange character.

It’s the shock value. I doubt he’s doing half/actually believes half the things he writes about.

And it’s working OP isn’t it? You are giving him loads of attention.

(From the link. Not sure I'll be reading further)

That’s exactly how I imagine him a creepy, desperate little spaffer who can’t leave his little dick alone. Grim.

This.

Oh, ha ha ha! I read through the whole OP picturing Gyles Brandreth, so I’m very pleased I’d got the wrong chap!

gross, but you are being unreasonable for having brought this to my notice. i didn't need to know.

When he's writing shocking, offensive stuff for attention, by posting this, you're giving him encouragement and telling publishers that there is a demand for his writing - like a radio Shock Jock, it's not what he writes that matters to whoever is paying vast sums of money, it's the number of people who read it, draw other people's attention to it, discuss it, who will then see other articles, adverts, clickthroughs and provide data for sale and stats to negotiate higher prices for advertising.

He doesn't need people to like him or agree with whatever he writes - he just needs people to keep on viewing, sharing and discussing it. Which is what you're doing for him.

TBH, you could just as easily be somebody tasked with increasing his hit rate in the guise of an upset MN user - the effect - the benefit to him - is exactly the same.

I loved his father Alan. A really talented man. Giles fails miserably at trying to be as entertaining and talented so resorts to shock tactics. I don't know whether to find it sad or unpleasant.