Page 9 | Tinder date, a hotel, and being stuck

missbipolar · 2022-07-10T02:31:56+00:00

So I rather stupidly agreed to go to a different city with a tinder date, he drove as I can't. We got a hotel and had some drinks and it was going OK, but then he started on shots and completely wasted we're now back and the hotel and he's fast asleep while I count down the hours till being able to get the first train. I'm a fucking idiot aren't I?

VioletInsolence · 10/07/2022 17:47

I mean he’s not very good at this serial killer business is he? It would have been easier if you’d got drunk and passed out.

pinkyredrose · 10/07/2022 18:05

Charlize43 · 10/07/2022 17:15

Is there a bathroom you can lock yourself in?. Is there an axe or something you could use as a weapon should he wake up and try to break down the door and attack you. Stay in constant contact with someone on the phone but be careful not to use up all the battery. Text everyone to tell them that you love them. Stay as quiet as you can so as not to rouse him.

It's really important that you don't fall asleep as that when they get you.

Then at 6am very calmly and quietly exit the room. Walk directly to the door without any sudden jerky movements. Try not to arouse suspicion. Should he wake and ask what you are doing, tell him you'll be back in a minute with coffee and cakes. Feign a big smile.

Once you are out of the room, run as fast as you can. Don't stop until you are as far away from the building as can be. If your shoes are suitable for running, get an Uber to the nearest station.

Been watching too many horror films?

TeapotTitties · 10/07/2022 18:11

springisaroundthecorner · 10/07/2022 16:23

I'm sure hotels will help people in situations like this and offer a safe place to wait.

What? They offer somewhere for you to wait when the man you want to have sex with has too much to drink, and nods off to sleep?

Fascinating.

beautyisthefaceisee · 10/07/2022 18:15

Charlize43 · 10/07/2022 17:15

Is there a bathroom you can lock yourself in?. Is there an axe or something you could use as a weapon should he wake up and try to break down the door and attack you. Stay in constant contact with someone on the phone but be careful not to use up all the battery. Text everyone to tell them that you love them. Stay as quiet as you can so as not to rouse him.

It's really important that you don't fall asleep as that when they get you.

Then at 6am very calmly and quietly exit the room. Walk directly to the door without any sudden jerky movements. Try not to arouse suspicion. Should he wake and ask what you are doing, tell him you'll be back in a minute with coffee and cakes. Feign a big smile.

Once you are out of the room, run as fast as you can. Don't stop until you are as far away from the building as can be. If your shoes are suitable for running, get an Uber to the nearest station.

If youre not being serious...

why are you winding up a mentally ill person?

SmileyClare · 10/07/2022 19:36

Why are you winding up a mentally ill person

I agree, before posting for a laugh at least scan some of the thread.

Although posters have been berated for mentioning some of Op's past threads I think it would alter replies (and generate far more helpful replies) to have some awareness of Op's multiple mental health crises and the man on Tinder who quite recently raped and left her unconscious after an overdose.

In light of that, replies reassuring Op that she's safe, that casual sex is fine and she's just disappointed not to get a shag are really off key.

I'm pleased you got home safely Op and well done for recognising a potential dangerous situation and taking some control in removing yourself.. don't be embarrassed to discuss this with your mental health team tomorrow.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 10/07/2022 19:55

take care @missbipolar
glad you have lots of friends and support

Sandra1984 · 10/07/2022 20:27

I’ve been Tinder dating and sort of know the ins and outs, OP is putting herself in very unsafe situations, she doesn’t understand boundaries, safety rules regarding meeting online strangers and lacks basic common sense. She should not be tinder dating at all till she gets counselling/therapy or learn to control her alcohol intake (which she shouldn;t be doing if she's taking meds).

This said my heart goes to her and wishes healing from this terrible experiences she’s gone through.Unfortunately there’s some bad apples on dating websites, luckily this last guy doesn’t sound like one of them but he could have been another one.

OP: please stop online dating before you become another statistic. You are not ready for this by any means. Stick to men in your social circle for now.

beautyisthefaceisee · 10/07/2022 20:32

SmileyClare · 10/07/2022 19:36

Why are you winding up a mentally ill person

I agree, before posting for a laugh at least scan some of the thread.

Although posters have been berated for mentioning some of Op's past threads I think it would alter replies (and generate far more helpful replies) to have some awareness of Op's multiple mental health crises and the man on Tinder who quite recently raped and left her unconscious after an overdose.

In light of that, replies reassuring Op that she's safe, that casual sex is fine and she's just disappointed not to get a shag are really off key.

I'm pleased you got home safely Op and well done for recognising a potential dangerous situation and taking some control in removing yourself.. don't be embarrassed to discuss this with your mental health team tomorrow.

I was one of the PPs doing the berating and I take it back.

JustOldMe · 10/07/2022 21:03

I would have gone to the reception and taken another room for myself. And slept till whatever hour I wanted. Then would have taken train home and never would have met with that alcoholic again.

pinkred · 10/07/2022 22:46

missbipolar · 10/07/2022 17:33

Why would there be an axe in a hotel room? 😅 I'm going to assume your post is satire?

My flatmate made me speak to the crisis line as he's concerned about possible mania, they are as well so I have MHA assessment tomorrow morning (they wanted me to go in via A&E tonight but I'm currently refusing that option)

Sorry to hear you're unwell @missbipolar

Take care of yourself - you deserve someone someone who will make you feel safe & special, when you're in the right headspace to date.

Glad you have a supportive flatmate :)

Alltheleavesaregreen1 · 10/07/2022 23:02

In light of that, replies reassuring Op that she's safe, that casual sex is fine and she's just disappointed not to get a shag are really off key.

yes, it’s pretty grim actually. A competition for who can be the biggest cool girl when it was clear from the outset that the OP was not okay with this situation. No, most men don’t rape or injure women but some do and staying safe is vital.

Original poster

missbipolar · 11/07/2022 04:38

Idn if anyone's awake but my flatmate ended up taking me to A&E, I've been assessed by the psych liason team and their view is that I'm extremely manic and need admission. Torn between understanding their view point but also feeling absolutely incredible and like its all just an over reaction (yes I realise this could be a part of mania)

OP posts:

ReeseWitherfork · 11/07/2022 05:30

Hi OP, glad to hear your flat mate has looked out for you. Sounds like you’re in the right place in case it is a manic episode. I’m sorry, I have no idea what an appropriate or supportive thing to say would be, but definitely happy to listen if you want to talk about it. There’s always people here for you 💐

Aprilx · 11/07/2022 05:55

beautyisthefaceisee · 10/07/2022 08:47

If we all sat and thought about it, women wouldnt leave the house.

Bad things can and do happen.

Obviously Op did put herself at risk in tbeos situation, but I dont think many of us can say we have never.

Show quote history

i cannot believe what you have posted. It isn’t a binary choice between not leaving the house and going to a hotel on a second date with a stranger. There is quite a lot inbetween.

And I think quite a lot of women can say they have never put themselves in a high risk situation such as going to a hotel with a strange man. Which is what we are talking about here.

Marvellousmadness · 11/07/2022 06:31

A mental disorder is not the same as being "mentally ill ".
But dont you go using being bipolar as an excuse to do whacky shit op.

ReeseWitherfork · 11/07/2022 07:09

But dont you go using being bipolar as an excuse to do whacky shit op. Are you spectacularly missing what bipolar is?!

Alltheleavesaregreen1 · 11/07/2022 07:30

Marvellousmadness · 11/07/2022 06:31

A mental disorder is not the same as being "mentally ill ".
But dont you go using being bipolar as an excuse to do whacky shit op.

What the fuck?

Lovemusic33 · 11/07/2022 07:59

Marvellousmadness · 11/07/2022 06:31

A mental disorder is not the same as being "mentally ill ".
But dont you go using being bipolar as an excuse to do whacky shit op.

A big trait of bipolar and other MH conditions is ‘taking dangerous risks’, also feeling you are worthless so doing these things don’t seem such a big deal when you don’t like yourself very much at that point in time?

I have taken many stupid risks, I regret all of them afterwards but at the time it’s kind of exciting and I don’t feel my life matters that much.

At the end of the day I tell myself that the risk is pretty low, not many men are murderers, the chance of meeting one is slim. But the truth is many men are abusers, may take advantage of you, sexually abuse you or physically abuse you and I have experienced this first hand. Meeting up with someone you don’t really know, staying in a hotel far away from home is a risk, anything could have happened, luckily OP is ok.

BloodAndFire · 11/07/2022 08:47

missbipolar · 11/07/2022 04:38

Idn if anyone's awake but my flatmate ended up taking me to A&E, I've been assessed by the psych liason team and their view is that I'm extremely manic and need admission. Torn between understanding their view point but also feeling absolutely incredible and like its all just an over reaction (yes I realise this could be a part of mania)

Glad you're getting seen. Based on my own experience with loved ones it does sound like you're in a manic phase. Feeling great and not feeling like anything is wrong is part of that, as you know. Take care

ladydoris · 11/07/2022 08:57

You are taking good care of yourself right now OP, all the best.

KettrickenSmiled · 11/07/2022 09:28

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 10/07/2022 15:07

It's bloody dramatic that posters are going on about the ops safety and leaving in the middle of the night when the guy is passed out and hasn't done anything threatening

Show quote history

Are you being deliberately obtuse, or is it your default setting @EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall ?

Because I must have also totally forgotten than men who are asleep cannot wake up grumpy & entitled, so women are of course totally safe alone in a hotel room with them ...

It's not "dramatic" to be wary of a man you barely know, when women should be aware that even the men we DO know are capable of coercion, brute force, & assorted unpleasantness.

KettrickenSmiled · 11/07/2022 09:30

Charlize43 · 10/07/2022 17:15

Is there a bathroom you can lock yourself in?. Is there an axe or something you could use as a weapon should he wake up and try to break down the door and attack you. Stay in constant contact with someone on the phone but be careful not to use up all the battery. Text everyone to tell them that you love them. Stay as quiet as you can so as not to rouse him.

It's really important that you don't fall asleep as that when they get you.

Then at 6am very calmly and quietly exit the room. Walk directly to the door without any sudden jerky movements. Try not to arouse suspicion. Should he wake and ask what you are doing, tell him you'll be back in a minute with coffee and cakes. Feign a big smile.

Once you are out of the room, run as fast as you can. Don't stop until you are as far away from the building as can be. If your shoes are suitable for running, get an Uber to the nearest station.

AN AXE?!!!!!!!!!!

Have you been drinking @Charlize43 ?

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 11/07/2022 09:46

KettrickenSmiled · 11/07/2022 09:28

Are you being deliberately obtuse, or is it your default setting @EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall ?

Because I must have also totally forgotten than men who are asleep cannot wake up grumpy & entitled, so women are of course totally safe alone in a hotel room with them ...

It's not "dramatic" to be wary of a man you barely know, when women should be aware that even the men we DO know are capable of coercion, brute force, & assorted unpleasantness.

Show quote history

Obviously much safer to leave the room or go off insearch of a train station

Or op could just do as a pp advised and find an axe and lock herself in the bathroom .

The op has mh problems, which was fairly apparent by her user name. I don't think posters trying to frighten her in the middle of the night when there was nothing to indicate that she was at risk is a sensible thing to do

I also don't think it was acceptable to berate the op at that moment for making a poor choice like you did , but you carry on

ReeseWitherfork · 11/07/2022 09:51

It may be best, in light of OPs recent update, that this thread is laid to rest? I don’t say that lightly, it’s everyone’s right to continue as they please on a public forum, and who doesn’t love a good mumsnet bicker. I’m concerned that OP may come back and read it and I don’t want her to feel conflicted reading everyone’s opinions on what she should or shouldn’t have done. Equally don’t want the thread zapped in case she comes back for support.

Original poster

missbipolar · 11/07/2022 12:23

I've been put on a 5:2 with a view of being put on a 2 just waiting for the 2nd dr which should happen today or tomorrow. This wasn't the only risky thing I've done in the last week (although probably the worst) I'm still somewhat fighting them, but when your manic I guess it's hard to see what's mania and what's not because you feel so amazing

OP posts: