Tinder date, a hotel, and being stuck

[missbipolar]

So I rather stupidly agreed to go to a different city with a tinder date, he drove as I can't. We got a hotel and had some drinks and it was going OK, but then he started on shots and completely wasted we're now back and the hotel and he's fast asleep while I count down the hours till being able to get the first train. I'm a fucking idiot aren't I?

No, I'm not!

Other posters are.

I never once commented on her mental health because it's not in her Op and therefore none of my business, and comments about psychiatry etc are bad etiquette.

I would assume the OP's user name is either ironic, which would be in bad taste, or resulting from an actual diagnosis. Either way, as PP's have pointed out, she seems to be vulnerable, at least in this situation.

An advanced search of OP and I now think she is extremely vulnerable.

I hope you're home and ok @missbipolar.

😂😂😂

My Mum is bipolar and has put herself in some stupid dangerous situations to punish herself or other times it's just because she doesn't recognise she's dangerous. When she's having a flare up she's extremely vulnerable.

Now, everyone is different, bi polar is different for different people but if the OP does have bi polar then I do think it is relevant.

This whole thing could be perfectly normal and safe for one person but if it were my DM in this situation then I would be concerned for her welfare compared to a friend who I know would be able to judge things differently.

My DM has done similar things and been raped and abused because she felt excitement and thrills. Others have advanced searched the OP (I haven't personally) and said she's vulnerable which does put this whole story in a different perspective for me.

I hope you're okay OP and managed to get home safely.

How's it going OP?

If she is vulnerable, even more reason to tread carefully and not post personal comments to her, eh?

Hindsight is great but in future please stay somewhere safer if even considering doing anything similar. A manned hotel in a decent area would have made a difference. At least then you could safely leave or explain your situation and ask for another room. I'd be very worried about him waking up still drunk. Assume you are home and safe now but a lesson to be had from the experience.

I don't disagree.

I just disagree with bad etiquette of outing people on threads when she's not even engaged in the discussion.

@beautyisthefaceisee I do get what you're saying and I didn't mention it in my PP but I am sorry with what you went through and people advance searching. It can be helpful but also other times it isn't.

I more disagree with the people who are saying it's fine and she's being dramatic. If it were me, yes it would be fine but if it were my DM then it may be fine but she has got herself into situations like this where it wasn't fine and she couldn't help herself or get herself out of it.

Sorry all my phone died.

Just to answer some questions; yes as my username suggests I have bipolar and do have form for getting myself into risky situations
We didn't sleep together on the first date
The hotel while somewhat planned was booked after having a conversation about possibly not staying over- I was of the understanding that he wasn't really going to be drinking- and by the time shots came out it was to late to get a train home
While I didn't feel in immediate danger I also didn't feel the safest- he'd been a bit pushy and although eventually backed off you never actually know

Good your home and you're safe!

Glad you're OK OP. I had to learn this lesson through experience but please be aware in future that if a man you don't know well books a hotel room for both of you he will usually expect sex and get annoyed if you're not in the mood (putting it lightly).

So glad to hear that you’re ok. I know some think that it was an overreaction worry about you, but there are sadly too many cases where situations like this don’t end well. Thankfully he got too drunk for his pushiness to go any further. Take care

Glad you're ok @missbipolar I was clumsy in my posting but did think this wasn't just someone being overly dramatic.

So glad you got home safely OP!

I remember a post of yours Op where you were advised to go into supported living accommodation. I certainly think you need help negotiating hook ups in a safe way.

I'm very surprised your friends were aware of your plans and didn't advise against it after you were raped and left for dead recently after contacting a man on tinder.

I think this is pertinent and not me being judgemental.

My advice? Stay off Tinder, protect yourself and double check your risk assessments of situations with someone you know and trust.

Take care of yourself x

I was hard on you and I apologise. As I said, I was outed (different circumstances) on another thread and it makes you feel realy, really shit. I definitely projected. I apologise.

Nah I was OTT and hard on you and other posters and I'm sorry.

EXACTLY.

It's funny, I don't remember stepping into a time portal and turning the dial to 1950 this morning. 🤔

It sounds like you're back safely now, I hope so. I have form for getting myself into risky situations too, so I do understand. To be fair you'd met him before and he seemed nice, so I understand why you made the decision you did!

One of my rules for myself, which I think is a sensible rule, is always travel to and from wherever you're going under your own steam. Or if you choose to share a car or whatever, make sure you CAN get there and back yourself if you need to. And in a safe, definite way - ie you have the money ready and available to spend on an uber. Not oh there's a minicab office round the corner, don't know what time it opens til, but I'm sure it will all be fine. If this isn't possible; DON'T GO. Rearrange for somewhere closer / safer instead.

Also remember as a reckless person (and I am one too) know that there are some people that can see that and will manipulate that. To put you in a situation you can't easily get out of. So try to be vigilant and careful x

I had a couple accidental gins a few nights ago and decided going over to a tinder man's house was a great idea. I told him up front i Wasn't having sex and he was fine about that. I didn't tell anyone where I was going, ti was late. Eventually I had that thing where I just wanted my own bed so I ran home through the local park.

I literally cringe when I think about how many things could have gone wrong that night.

That’s what Tinder is all about evidently. I know someone who has had quite a few ‘dates’ using the site. She’s been assaulted and robbed on one occasion and made a quick exit on another after her ‘date’ brought along bondage gear. She’s still doing it and says it’s just fun. I don’t understand why people would intentionally put themselves in this kind of danger.

Glad you’re ok.

Another angle on this he’s possibly got a bit nervous and gone overboard with the drink he’ll possibly be embarrassed when he wakes up

you don’t sound in any immediate danger at all really just a crap date

is there anything within. The hotel you can do? To keep yourself occupied