Tinder date, a hotel, and being stuck

[missbipolar]

So I rather stupidly agreed to go to a different city with a tinder date, he drove as I can't. We got a hotel and had some drinks and it was going OK, but then he started on shots and completely wasted we're now back and the hotel and he's fast asleep while I count down the hours till being able to get the first train. I'm a fucking idiot aren't I?

I don't see the OP is unsafe?

OP, when your date wakes up he's almost certainly going to still be over the limit to drive. So you'll both need to get the train home. I'd sleep in the room, then you can both get the train back later.

Cue everyone on MN losing their minds cos they wouldn’t drive for 3 weeks if they’ve had a small sherry the night before.

Have you just gone off him and want to get away? That happened to me once when the guy got so drunk he couldn’t drive home.

It's doesn't sound like you are in danger from him . But fuckin hell op why? Get some standards and stop putting yourself at risk. I've blocked many men who suggested a hotel as a first and even second date.

There’s a bit of a difference between a sherry and doing shots in terms of being safe to drive the next morning!

He doesn’t need to drive immediately though, he can lie in, get some breakfast, leave later on.

I think this is a lot of drama over very little.

He can do what he likes - if I was the OP I’d be getting a train if there’s any chance he’s still over the limit. But agreed that the rest of it all sounds very dramatic.

Is there any indication you are unsafe? It's not a first date, essentially you've just booked into a hotel with someone you are seeing which isn't that unusual

Probably wouldn't put myself in this situation again, but it doesn't sound like you need to panic. Just get the train home, can you afford an uber to the station?

Jesus why does everyone go crazy on mumsnet and lose their shit over things like this. They both went and drank too much, both mutually agreed to get a hotel. He's asleep as it's now the middle of the night (not unreasonable), I don't quite get why this is 'very concerning' or that the op 'needs to get to safety'. If the op is that bothered she would book a taxi home 🤷

So you didn't even get a shag out of it..

Why on earth would OP want to sit in a 24 hour McDonald’s rather than get some sleep and go home ok the morning?

Sorry you had a crap date though!

Ooops. Lesson learned.

Given he's out for the count I should imagine she's safe until the first train goes.

But yes Op, you're a bit of a plank going to an hotel with a tinder date in his car.

This. I don't see why people are panicking that you're not safe. Live and learn but in general I wouldn't advise going to strange hotels on only the second date.

I think this is the OP's real problem.

Bloody hell some people are dramatic!

Not sure what your worry is? If he's is passed out, he's obvs not going to be doing anything to hurt you and am thinking you were happy enough at the idea of staying in a hotel with him. Stupid idea but this is a bit OTT , lesson learnt.

You might think that drink driving is something to joke about and minimise but thank goodness there are people around with more than one brain cell.

Unless he has given you any indication that he is a threat, I don't see the issue, other than you didn't get sex. There would be no 3rd date for me, due to his drinking habits, when he should be trying to impress. Please don't take risks like this again though - have some self respect.

Ah, the cool wives have arrived (or cool equivalent to online dating). While it doesn’t sound like OP was in immediate danger, she clearly wanted out of there and for some guy to get shitfaced when he knows his date has no other way of getting home doesn’t really paint him in a good light.
He may be over the limit for most of the next day if he drank enough to pass out. OP, I’d leave as soon as it’s morning, get the train, text the guy saying you have got alternative transport back and then don’t see him again. For the next tinder date (depends on what you’re after - LTR or just hookup) but if you do want something more serious, stick to coffee date or something to begin with. There are so many creeps out there.

Get the first train home and don’t go on another date with him. He sounds a bore.

I’d save the hotels and sleepovers for when you know someone better in future, and wouldn’t be relying on lifts from a guy I’d met once again.

Meeting at a hotel on a second date is not much safer than meeting at a hotel on a first date. I know somebody (I actually met her in therapy) who stepped inside somebody’s porch on a third date as he had to grab something from upstairs. Well she spent the next eight hours being raped, half strangled, resuscitated, raped again etc.

You are trusting too much.

I hope you’re on the train now OP.

Don't get in a car with him after he's been drinking. Get a train. Then block him.

I don't think you understand how long it takes to be 'fit to drive' after a bender. Because it isn't just a few hours. Think more like 48.