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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tinder date, a hotel, and being stuck

232 replies

missbipolar · 10/07/2022 03:31

So I rather stupidly agreed to go to a different city with a tinder date, he drove as I can't. We got a hotel and had some drinks and it was going OK, but then he started on shots and completely wasted we're now back and the hotel and he's fast asleep while I count down the hours till being able to get the first train. I'm a fucking idiot aren't I?

OP posts:
goldfinchonthelawn · 10/07/2022 14:50

Lingoflaming · 10/07/2022 04:13

Set your boundaries higher and don't put yourself at risk & in a vulnerable again. Just because you weren't murdered at the 1st date doesn't mean he won't harm you on the second. You got off lightly this time but block and delete so he doesn't have the chance again.

This is ridiculous scaremongering. Obviously it is wise not to do this on an early datel But One Night Stands have existed forever. Most men don't murder women. This one got drunk - maybe from nerves. That's disappointing but not a crime and doesn't make him intrinsically dodgy or dangerous.

TeapotTitties · 10/07/2022 14:59

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 10/07/2022 11:42

@missbipolar . I hope you are safely home now. I have pm'd you. Please update to let us know you are back, rather than leave us hanging.

Bloody hell

The OP doesn't owe you anything. You don't even know them.

BloodAndFire · 10/07/2022 15:04

goldfinchonthelawn · 10/07/2022 14:50

This is ridiculous scaremongering. Obviously it is wise not to do this on an early datel But One Night Stands have existed forever. Most men don't murder women. This one got drunk - maybe from nerves. That's disappointing but not a crime and doesn't make him intrinsically dodgy or dangerous.

Show quote history

OP has explained she has a diagnosis of bipolar disorder. I'm guessing you don't know anyone with this condition. I do. I am not bipolar myself but for one reason or another I have several close friends and family members who are.

It leads people into highly risky, dangerous, reckless situations. For women this often takes the form of highly risky casual sex if they are in a manic phase. It can also take the form of recklessly spending huge amounts of money, to the extent of losing their home etc.

You do no one any favours by suggesting to the OP, or anyone else who reads this, that this wasn't a risky, foolhardy, dangerous situation to get into.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 10/07/2022 15:07

KettrickenSmiled · 10/07/2022 10:16

Bloody hell, women get hurt or raped by men every day.
So why would you willingly get in a car, let alone a hotel room, with one?
That's not drama, it's fact.

Unless he has given you any indication that he is a threat.
Oh yeah, I totally forgot that men you have only met once all comply with the International Indicator System, & give you clear signals whether they are dangerous or not ...

Show quote history

It's bloody dramatic that posters are going on about the ops safety and leaving in the middle of the night when the guy is passed out and hasn't done anything threatening

Siameasy · 10/07/2022 15:08

So dramatic

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 10/07/2022 15:10

@beautyisthefaceisee you've had a bad experience so it's not surprising you're protective of others when you see something. It's all good.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 10/07/2022 15:22

TeapotTitties · 10/07/2022 14:59

Bloody hell

The OP doesn't owe you anything. You don't even know them.

Show quote history

Titties, and yet here you are, posting. Perhaps you are invested too? Or do you not give a shit and just here for the goss? Hmm

TeapotTitties · 10/07/2022 15:27

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 10/07/2022 15:22

Titties, and yet here you are, posting. Perhaps you are invested too? Or do you not give a shit and just here for the goss? Hmm

Show quote history

Well this is a chat forum, therefore it wouldn't exist if nobody posted.

However, sending PMs and putting pressure on the OP not to 'leave us hanging' is quite intrusive.

As I said, she doesn't owe anything.

Trivester · 10/07/2022 15:58

It’s fascinating how many people on this thread seem to be under the illusion that sex can only take place during hours of darkness.

beautyisthefaceisee · 10/07/2022 16:16

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 10/07/2022 15:10

@beautyisthefaceisee you've had a bad experience so it's not surprising you're protective of others when you see something. It's all good.

thanks. @MichelleScarn apologies to you too.

Maytodecember · 10/07/2022 16:16

beautyisthefaceisee · 10/07/2022 13:25

I had a couple accidental gins a few nights ago and decided going over to a tinder man's house was a great idea. I told him up front i Wasn't having sex and he was fine about that. I didn't tell anyone where I was going, ti was late. Eventually I had that thing where I just wanted my own bed so I ran home through the local park.

I literally cringe when I think about how many things could have gone wrong that night.

I’m relieved both @missbipolar and @beautyisthefaceisee are home safe.
Please, please plan a bit more carefully in future? I really don’t want to be reading about you on the news.

beautyisthefaceisee · 10/07/2022 16:20

Maytodecember · 10/07/2022 16:16

I’m relieved both @missbipolar and @beautyisthefaceisee are home safe.
Please, please plan a bit more carefully in future? I really don’t want to be reading about you on the news.

Show quote history

Easy said - these things happen and I dont believe we are the only two on the whole of MN to make silly decisions.

springisaroundthecorner · 10/07/2022 16:23

I'm sure hotels will help people in situations like this and offer a safe place to wait.

beautyisthefaceisee · 10/07/2022 16:46

Siameasy · 10/07/2022 15:08

So dramatic

at least RTFT.

Charlize43 · 10/07/2022 17:15

Is there a bathroom you can lock yourself in?. Is there an axe or something you could use as a weapon should he wake up and try to break down the door and attack you. Stay in constant contact with someone on the phone but be careful not to use up all the battery. Text everyone to tell them that you love them. Stay as quiet as you can so as not to rouse him.

It's really important that you don't fall asleep as that when they get you.

Then at 6am very calmly and quietly exit the room. Walk directly to the door without any sudden jerky movements. Try not to arouse suspicion. Should he wake and ask what you are doing, tell him you'll be back in a minute with coffee and cakes. Feign a big smile.

Once you are out of the room, run as fast as you can. Don't stop until you are as far away from the building as can be. If your shoes are suitable for running, get an Uber to the nearest station.

AssignedSlytherinAtBirth · 10/07/2022 17:22
Shock
AssignedSlytherinAtBirth · 10/07/2022 17:23

An axe? Have you RTFT? The OP is safely at home, drinking tea and waiting for Countryfile.

WafflyVersatileOohOoh · 10/07/2022 17:26

Is there an axe or something you could use as a weapon

Jesus Christ, what kind of hotels do you stay in?

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 10/07/2022 17:28

Charlize43 · 10/07/2022 17:15

Is there a bathroom you can lock yourself in?. Is there an axe or something you could use as a weapon should he wake up and try to break down the door and attack you. Stay in constant contact with someone on the phone but be careful not to use up all the battery. Text everyone to tell them that you love them. Stay as quiet as you can so as not to rouse him.

It's really important that you don't fall asleep as that when they get you.

Then at 6am very calmly and quietly exit the room. Walk directly to the door without any sudden jerky movements. Try not to arouse suspicion. Should he wake and ask what you are doing, tell him you'll be back in a minute with coffee and cakes. Feign a big smile.

Once you are out of the room, run as fast as you can. Don't stop until you are as far away from the building as can be. If your shoes are suitable for running, get an Uber to the nearest station.

Posts like this are what I mean by dramatic!

Bubblebubblebah · 10/07/2022 17:30

That must be trolling...

Original poster
missbipolar · 10/07/2022 17:33

Why would there be an axe in a hotel room? 😅 I'm going to assume your post is satire?

My flatmate made me speak to the crisis line as he's concerned about possible mania, they are as well so I have MHA assessment tomorrow morning (they wanted me to go in via A&E tonight but I'm currently refusing that option)

OP posts:
lancsgirl85 · 10/07/2022 17:34

Charlize43 · 10/07/2022 17:15

Is there a bathroom you can lock yourself in?. Is there an axe or something you could use as a weapon should he wake up and try to break down the door and attack you. Stay in constant contact with someone on the phone but be careful not to use up all the battery. Text everyone to tell them that you love them. Stay as quiet as you can so as not to rouse him.

It's really important that you don't fall asleep as that when they get you.

Then at 6am very calmly and quietly exit the room. Walk directly to the door without any sudden jerky movements. Try not to arouse suspicion. Should he wake and ask what you are doing, tell him you'll be back in a minute with coffee and cakes. Feign a big smile.

Once you are out of the room, run as fast as you can. Don't stop until you are as far away from the building as can be. If your shoes are suitable for running, get an Uber to the nearest station.

I assumed this was an attempt at humour.

angieloumc · 10/07/2022 17:35

An axe? She's not in a woodcutters cottage you know.

Charlize43 · 10/07/2022 17:43

Sorry everyone. I read the first few replies and the hysteria got the better of me. I also didn't realise the time difference and that the OP was already safely back at home. I was overcome by the drama of it all and just got carried away.

Doesn't everyone carry an axe in their handbag? Especially on a Tinder date...

tomatopsste · 10/07/2022 17:45

Charlize43 · 10/07/2022 17:15

Is there a bathroom you can lock yourself in?. Is there an axe or something you could use as a weapon should he wake up and try to break down the door and attack you. Stay in constant contact with someone on the phone but be careful not to use up all the battery. Text everyone to tell them that you love them. Stay as quiet as you can so as not to rouse him.

It's really important that you don't fall asleep as that when they get you.

Then at 6am very calmly and quietly exit the room. Walk directly to the door without any sudden jerky movements. Try not to arouse suspicion. Should he wake and ask what you are doing, tell him you'll be back in a minute with coffee and cakes. Feign a big smile.

Once you are out of the room, run as fast as you can. Don't stop until you are as far away from the building as can be. If your shoes are suitable for running, get an Uber to the nearest station.

Jesus fucking Christ!!!

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