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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tinder date, a hotel, and being stuck

232 replies

missbipolar · 10/07/2022 03:31

So I rather stupidly agreed to go to a different city with a tinder date, he drove as I can't. We got a hotel and had some drinks and it was going OK, but then he started on shots and completely wasted we're now back and the hotel and he's fast asleep while I count down the hours till being able to get the first train. I'm a fucking idiot aren't I?

OP posts:
Maytodecember · 10/07/2022 08:30

The good part is he’s wasted and passed out.
Grace Millane was murdered in just this situation, met the man online, went to his hotel.
Please place your safety above everything else. No night out is worth your safety.
Always have an exit plan, even if it’s a taxi to the nearest Police Station and sit it out there.

SoS505 · 10/07/2022 08:33

Are you okay? @missbipolar I hope you are safely on the way home.

pilates · 10/07/2022 08:34

I think you have put yourself at risk.

Please learn from this.

SleepSleepRaveAsleep · 10/07/2022 08:36

I watched a documentary on Channel 5 a few days ago about grace millane, you should look it up, you wouldn't be going on tinder dates and staying in hotels afterwards trust me. You've been pretty stupid. I've no idea why people think texting a friend who you are with and where you are is going to help, you shouldn't have gone back to a hotel with a random tinder date, even on a second date!! Hopefully you are on the train home safe now.

pilates · 10/07/2022 08:38

Sleep, I saw that too 😞

TheVolturi · 10/07/2022 08:40

Carpy88999 · 10/07/2022 06:16

Where in the OP does it say she's in danger? I must've missed it.

Exactly. The hysteria is incredible here. The guys only crime is to get too drunk, after which, he fell asleep.

beautyisthefaceisee · 10/07/2022 08:44

WafflyVersatileOohOoh · 10/07/2022 03:34

Yes, you are, but you need to get to safety.

can you text his name and your location to a friend?

Can you get out of there now and get a taxi to somewhere safe? Or even go downstairs and sit in reception if there are members of staff around.

Why is OP more at risk with a passed out man than she was in town with him?

Her issue is being stranded, she isnt being held hostage.

Mally100 · 10/07/2022 08:45

Lingoflaming · 10/07/2022 04:13

Set your boundaries higher and don't put yourself at risk & in a vulnerable again. Just because you weren't murdered at the 1st date doesn't mean he won't harm you on the second. You got off lightly this time but block and delete so he doesn't have the chance again.

Exactly! A very stupid idea with someone you don't even know that well! Get yourself out of there and go home. Call a taxi if you can. Have a word with yourself about what a stupid thing to have done.

beautyisthefaceisee · 10/07/2022 08:47

Aprilx · 10/07/2022 07:56

Meeting at a hotel on a second date is not much safer than meeting at a hotel on a first date. I know somebody (I actually met her in therapy) who stepped inside somebody’s porch on a third date as he had to grab something from upstairs. Well she spent the next eight hours being raped, half strangled, resuscitated, raped again etc.

You are trusting too much.

Show quote history

If we all sat and thought about it, women wouldnt leave the house.

Bad things can and do happen.

Obviously Op did put herself at risk in tbeos situation, but I dont think many of us can say we have never.

LilyMarshall · 10/07/2022 08:52

missbipolar · 10/07/2022 03:55

Sorry I should of said its not our first date we had a 7 hour first date last weekend so I thought things would be OK. The first train is at 8:05, I feel safeish in the hotel room but its in a really dodgy part of town so not sure I feel safe leaving it either. This place isn't staffed 24/7, I have a friend that knows who I'm with contact and car details and where we are exactly

I dont know why some people keep saying you were both doing shots. It clearly says HE started on shots and got shit faced.

you now know he isn't the man you want a future with.

VioletPickles · 10/07/2022 08:54

Sounds like a rubbish date and nothing worse than being a bit hungover, in a hotel, with someone you don’t really know. Hope you got the train back ok op and have a chilled day at home.

ThinWomansBrain · 10/07/2022 08:56

OP's not been back in a while - either she fell asleep, or date woke up & they decided to shag anyway.

Lovemusic33 · 10/07/2022 08:59

Hope your OK OP?
Hopefully he stayed passed out until you could leave the hotel to make your way home.

I have put myself in some pretty dangerous positions whilst dating (I don’t anymore), probably a lot worse than this one. At least he was wasted and sleeping, though I probably would have got a Uber home and borrowed the money to pay for it, or got someone to come collect me.

CallOnMe · 10/07/2022 09:01

Some posters sense of self worth is shocking on here.

The issue isn’t that the guy was doing so many shots that he can’t drive home just now.

The reason PPs are worried is because she’s gone to a hotel room with someone she’s only met once.

The number 1 rule when meeting new men is to not put yourself in a vulnerable position.
Fortunately he’s drank so much that he’s gone to sleep but he could have easily become violent.

Yes OP was up for sex but as we know many men will not just be happy with consensual sex which is why so many sex workers are often victims of horrendous crimes.

quietnightmare · 10/07/2022 09:03

Op?

PrivateHall · 10/07/2022 09:05

I hope you are safely on the train now op.

LoudingVoice · 10/07/2022 09:06

Nobody is drink driving, there’s clearly no need for him to be driving in the middle of the night, and in the morning/later today they can assess whether or not he’s still over the limit or ok to drive.

CallOnMe · 10/07/2022 09:06

I also have put myself in dangerous situations too and so there’s no judgement to the OP but I know too many people in RL who have not been so lucky.

My mind changed when the two men me and my friend got hotels room with were put in jail for raping and torturing two other women in hotel rooms.

Obviously as women we’re often in danger just walking to ASDA in the middle of the day but it’s good to try and minimise your risk.
So have as much fun and sex with as many people as you want, as life is for living.
Just try and do it in a safer way.

User354354 · 10/07/2022 09:11

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/07/2022 06:25

Never leave yourself no options. Ever.

I don't care if you've been with him 20 years.

That's an odd way of looking at things.

isthismylifenow · 10/07/2022 09:26

Just curious as to whether you slept together on the first date OP?

Could he have been a bit nervous, ordered a shot then it got a bit silly from there?

Anyway, lesson learned eh.

Mouk · 10/07/2022 09:30

Don't beat yourself up, we've all done stupid things in life.

Lots of great suggestions in this post.

I hope you get home safely.

You've dodged a bullet and will learn from this. Take Care x

WeAreGoingOnASummerHoliday · 10/07/2022 09:35

ThinWomansBrain · 10/07/2022 08:56

OP's not been back in a while - either she fell asleep, or date woke up & they decided to shag anyway.

Hopefully the only options

Hrpuffnstuff1 · 10/07/2022 09:39

Sounds like the guy wasn't really up for consensual sex, he preferred the shots instead.😂😂
Who does that?

jharley78 · 10/07/2022 09:48

If he was so drunk I'd bet he'd still be over the allowed alcohol limit this morning. Hope you caught a train home.

jharley78 · 10/07/2022 09:48

If he was so drunk I'd bet he'd still be over the allowed alcohol limit this morning. Hope you caught a train home.

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