To not want to send my just 14 year old DD on a plane alone

[Crestofawave2]

My DM is going to Spain this autumn for 2 months. She has done this a few times and usually I have gone over alone to visit for a few days or have brought my DC.

This year we have had lots of trips (Covid backlog) and with the DC have been on a 4 night city break with DM and the grandchildren (I paid)

I can’t go to Spain this year as I am short on holidays and have a couple of weddings etc towards the end of the year that require holidays and money.

DM is adamant that I send my DC alone on a flight over to see her. DS is 10 so it’s not even an option as they wouldn’t take him and DD is 14 but I wouldn’t be at all comfortable sending her through an airport alone.
DM is fuming - I am ruining her break, ruining it for DC etc.

She is a very dedicated granny and the DC love her so AIBU for not allowing my DC to travel?

@liveforsummer Airports at the moment are pretty hellish, not the lovely or even ok experience they once were

@worriedatthistime I am assuming after 10 drinks grandma maybe a little more than tipsy!

@ManateeFair There is no unaccompanied minor service. She will be travelling as you or I would. Given how stretched cabin crew are, I wouldn’t be expecting attention.

The long haul experience where minors are looked after is not available to short haul so that expensive in a way isn’t all that relative. Those who flew alone at 13/14 or whose DC flew alone have a similar experience and it’s interesting how many there are

Op, I have children who flew alone when young so I was going to encourage you to let do the trip. However the mention of the drinking would now make it a big fat no

This is the reason I wouldn't do it. A lengthy delay at the departure gate or through security is common at the moment. I'd only send a very confident and independent 14 year old.

Your Mum's 'fuming' is bizarre and unreasonable.

I wouldn't. It's all a bit hectic at the moment, I'd only consider it under an accompanying service.

Any reason @Crestofawave2 you’re ignoring the alcohol related comments? Is this part of your reticence about the flying? You’re actually not sure about the whole idea?

@Crestofawave2 is it your choice that you see your DM so often or because she demands it?

Compared to other modes of transport though they are still comparatively extremely safe and easy. We are also plagued with train cancellations atm and round here bus stops are frequently closing and being moved. Sometimes i struggle to find where to get my. Us to get home or the bus is diverted and have to get off somewhere totally different than expected. Dc much younger than 14 use these regularly with none of the security checks, none of the restrictions to the public. There is only one place to get on and off on a plane. My local airport is currently tweeting queue times so you can plan your journey and know what to expect. A delay isn't a huge deal - phone with battery pack and book. Money for refreshments and packed snacks. In the event of a cancellation you can just come and get her. Sounds like your DD is quite well travelled so will be familiar with airport process?!

@toomuchlaundry yes fair enough but the dc seem to go there all the time and the drinking isn't an issue then ? Thats what I don't understand

Just flew a couple weeks ago had a 40 min queue to check in , straight through security and plane delayed by 10 mins , way home no queue for anything and actually back in 10 mins sooner than expected , so its really down to luck how you find the airport
But you don't want to let her go so thats it really , your her parent so you decide
Your mum can moan and have a tantrum but thats her issue , your not comfortable with her flying alone so thats all their is to it , your her mum you get to say whats ok or not

@worriedatthistime maybe OP is conditioned to her mum being drunk, and it is only now when DD will be so far away that she has realised it is not normal and not really ok

YABU and over protective.

Your DD wants to go, unless there is SEN involved there is 0 reason to think this would be an issue. Many teens that age and younger travel further alone for schooling a few times a year.

Also re the having a few too many drinks - if she was 4 this would be a huge problem. At 14 if granny has a hangover and sleeps in the next day she can get herself up, apply her cream and go and sit by the pool. In reality on holiday many people in charge of children have a few more drinks than normal and as said the dc including the younger ones stay with her frequently anyway

It really depends how well traveled your child is to wether it's manageable for them. It has to be your call

Next time you travel, let your daughter take the lead. Or let her travel separately as if she is a lone traveller -all so that you can keep an eye on if she is mature enough to navigate the queues, the delays, the check in, being asked to remove your jacket or shoes, being body checked, the sudden to rush to find your gate, the need to be assertive sometimes, the unexpected, the hand luggage palaver, the being trapped into a seat by the window by two hefty passengers when you need to stretch your legs, the last opportunity for the loo, etc etc.
Then, if she still really wants to go, you will know whether she can at least reasonably handle all that.
But I still wouldn’t send her to a grandmother who is selfishly demanding of her company and more than likely to get drunk as the norm.
it would be a very firm no from me.

I might have considered it under normal circumstances, especially if the flight was to/from smallish airports that the young person was familiar with, but at the moment I don't fancy travelling abroad myself and I certainly wouldn't send a teen who has never travelled alone before.
I wouldn't be quite so worried about the time actually on the plane, but navigating the airports alone, particularly at the moment could be challenging. Being stuck for hours in massive queues or waiting around for delayed flights is no fun even for adults, but for a young girl on her own it could be pretty unpleasant. And currently, those scenarios seem quite likely. I'm not someone who imagines abductors around every corner, but I have had a couple of uncomfortable experiences as a lone woman traveller in the past, and I wouldn't want to put a young girl in that situation unless there was a good reason. And I wouldn't call your Mum spitting her dummybout a good reason.YANBU to not want to put your DD through a potentially stressful experience just because your Mum wants it.

At ,14 I flew on my own. At 15 I was leaving the airport and making my own way to the train station in France. A few years ago I guided my 14 year old nephew through the airport on his own. I could see the same flight and gate info as him on my phone, so it was easy to guide him through. I wouldn't hesitate in letting my kids do the same.

All these people going on about how they travelled frequently from the age of 6 etc. Times are so so different at the minute. Long delays, long queues missing luggage, cancellations. And to top it all of the granny likes a good drink and often ends up drunk!
OP. Only you know your daughter well enough to know if she can cope with all these things going on. That is what you should be basing your decision on.

And those whose children travel alone currently at that age? What's your excuse for them not being legitimate?

What do you think international students do 3-4 times a year? From the age of 11/12

And those whose children travel alone currently at that age? What's your excuse for them not being legitimate?

legitimate?

What do you mean by that?

Given that airports are understaffed and chaotic at the moment, I'd say no way. There is no way of knowing if her flight could be cancelled at the moment, or then what she'd need to do. Stay in the airport by herself overnight?

Tell you DM she either flies back to accompany her or she's not going.

Ordinarily I’d think this just depends on the child. Do they want to travel alone? Do they think they’ll be able to handle any unexpected things travelling alone? How experienced are they travelling by other modes without an adult, for example at 14 I was travel by train regularly to different places with a friend.

But we keep seeing that airports can be horrendous at the moment. That luggage is not appearing when it should, security is taking ages etc which could all throw a confident traveller.

Plus your comment that your DM is a big drinker is just an outright no

@Crestofawave2 can I make a suggestion? It sounds like you leaning towards going now with your DD. Perhaps use this opportunity as a learning experience for her. Have her take the lead on all things at the airport. Even as far as sending her through security on her own and telling her to go on to the gate without you, going through passport control and finding her way to baggage.

Nobody has these skills inherently, and she’ll have to learn them sooner or later. It may just give her (or I suspect you, who probably needs it it more 😉 ) additional confidence in her abilities.

The poster I was replying to was implying that most of the replies here aren't relevant as when they travelled as children things were different, no mention of the many posters who currently do this with teens of the same age though. So it's very much a viable option not some dream from the 80's