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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to send my just 14 year old DD on a plane alone

251 replies

Crestofawave2 · 10/07/2022 00:29

My DM is going to Spain this autumn for 2 months. She has done this a few times and usually I have gone over alone to visit for a few days or have brought my DC.

This year we have had lots of trips (Covid backlog) and with the DC have been on a 4 night city break with DM and the grandchildren (I paid)

I can’t go to Spain this year as I am short on holidays and have a couple of weddings etc towards the end of the year that require holidays and money.

DM is adamant that I send my DC alone on a flight over to see her. DS is 10 so it’s not even an option as they wouldn’t take him and DD is 14 but I wouldn’t be at all comfortable sending her through an airport alone.
DM is fuming - I am ruining her break, ruining it for DC etc.

She is a very dedicated granny and the DC love her so AIBU for not allowing my DC to travel?

OP posts:
Plutoisaplanet · 10/07/2022 00:31

is there an unaccompanied minor service with the airline? If so, I’d consider it for the 14 year old

RewildingAmbridge · 10/07/2022 00:32

At 14 I would, you take her to the airport make sure she's checked in etc, grandma collects her the other end

Amoozbooze · 10/07/2022 00:32

How does your daughter feel about it?

Dinoteeth · 10/07/2022 00:33

Given she would be met by Granny and she's 14, couple of years and she could be off travelling. I'd at least look at the unaccompanied minors service that airlines offer.

Doggydarling · 10/07/2022 00:33

If she's that anxious to holiday with them tell her to fly back and collect the children and that she'll have to fly home with them also, I wouldn't let the 14 year old go simply because its so unfair on the 10 year old.

MrszClaus · 10/07/2022 00:34

I flew on my own as a child loads, I loved it! So exciting.

Flying solo is a great fairly safe test of independence if she wants to. At 14 I'd have loved it.

Original poster
Crestofawave2 · 10/07/2022 00:34

The airline doesn’t offer a service but it allows travel alone between 12 and 16 so she would be alone.
I feel very very nervous about doing this , she’ll only be just gone 14

OP posts:
SalmonEile · 10/07/2022 00:36

is the cost an issue?
she could take 14 year old with her when she flies out and then fly with her back after a week (or two ?) then fly back to Spain
if she’s going for 2 months and really really wants the DC she can spare the time

Threetulips · 10/07/2022 00:37

The flight attendants will know she’s alone and will look out for her.

If the flights are cheap could you offer a friend a few days away with her? Then she’ll have a buddy to go with.

Original poster
Crestofawave2 · 10/07/2022 00:38

@SalmonEile DM Definitely wouldn’t do that, although it could be an option. Flights are quite expensive at the moment too but that’s kind of beside the point. I just feel it’s unreasonable to demand their presence when she sees them the other 48 weeks of the year

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 10/07/2022 00:39

Your DM has no right to be fuming. She chooses to go away for 2 months. If she didn’t go away she could be seeing her GC at home.

How independent is your DD?

If your DM is so keen to see them can she come back and travel with them (if you are happy for them to do so)

Will DC have to miss any school if they go and see her?

Hellocatshome · 10/07/2022 00:39

I did it at that age when there was a lot less communication available than there is now. You can check her in and go with her up to security then tell her to keep watch for the gate number and go to the gate as soon as it says you can not leave it to the last minute. As long as she does that there is very little that can go wrong and she can always call/face time/send pics of the departures board so you can make sure she is in the right place at the right time. I would be nervous but I would still let my child do it at that age.

Imightbe · 10/07/2022 00:39

As long as DD is confident,I would definitely encourage her to go .

Testina · 10/07/2022 00:40

I have a 14yo who has flown loads, would be excited to do this, is pretty sensible and in the event of disruptions wouldn’t be panicked at having to call me and say, “there were storms and we’ve landed in France!” Depends on the child, I wouldn’t say a blanket no just on the age.

Hellocatshome · 10/07/2022 00:40

Mind you it doesn't stop your DM wrong for demanding she goes.

Original poster
Crestofawave2 · 10/07/2022 00:42

DD isn’t particularly confident but has just spent 2 weeks at a residential camp so is getting better. I can see her panicking a bit if things don’t go her way

OP posts:
negomi90 · 10/07/2022 00:42

Does she want to go? Airports are pretty safe and well signposted. You could take her to the airport, do bag drop with her and coach her through security (prep all her bits with her before she joins the queue alone). Then she has airport time and goes to the gate.
I'd say that flying is easier than a train for a young teen as its better signposted and you can't get off at the wrong stop.
At 14 I'm sure she has a phone and could call you if she gets lost/stuck/worried and you'd be able to talk her through any issues if they happened.
If she wants to go, I'd let her. Its not likely to go wrong or be unfixable.

FictionalCharacter · 10/07/2022 00:44

Does she want to go or not? That’s the most important thing. She doesn’t have to go to please your mother. And your mother has no right to be “adamant” that your daughter should go, and she’s being ridiculous and manipulative saying that her not going will ruin her break.

WhatWereTheSkiesLikeWhenYouWereYoung · 10/07/2022 00:44

Honestly, she’d be fine. I was at an airport in Paris earlier today and while I was queueing I was right by the unaccompanied children area. There were quite a few kids there, all with big green signs around their necks, happily sat there, looking relaxed and saying their goodbyes to whoever had taken them there. They looked a lot younger than 14!

FrecklesMalone · 10/07/2022 00:44

It will be fine. She's 14. Hardly a young child. I went to Amsterdam with friends on our own for 2 weeks when were just 16 by bus and ferry. It was brilliant. She will be dropped off and picked up. Don't mollycoddle her poor kid.

Original poster
Crestofawave2 · 10/07/2022 00:46

@FrecklesMalone There is a huge difference between 16 and just gone 14 I think but I take your point re mollycoddling

OP posts:
Original poster
Crestofawave2 · 10/07/2022 00:47

@WhatWereTheSkiesLikeWhenYouWereYoung This type of service wouldn’t be available. There would be no support

OP posts:
ItsDinah · 10/07/2022 00:50

I think Iberian Airlines still do an Unaccompanied Minor Service for young people up to 18. You need to book and pay for it in advance. A lot depends on what Airports are involved. Smaller regional airports are a lot easier to navigate.

toomuchlaundry · 10/07/2022 00:50

Has she done train journeys etc on her own?

SRS29 · 10/07/2022 00:52

Crestofawave2 · 10/07/2022 00:42

DD isn’t particularly confident but has just spent 2 weeks at a residential camp so is getting better. I can see her panicking a bit if things don’t go her way

OP your mother sounds horrific...no means no for your daughter travelling alone...jeez what's wrong with people to not listen 😡