To not want to send my just 14 year old DD on a plane alone

[Crestofawave2]

My DM is going to Spain this autumn for 2 months. She has done this a few times and usually I have gone over alone to visit for a few days or have brought my DC.

This year we have had lots of trips (Covid backlog) and with the DC have been on a 4 night city break with DM and the grandchildren (I paid)

I can’t go to Spain this year as I am short on holidays and have a couple of weddings etc towards the end of the year that require holidays and money.

DM is adamant that I send my DC alone on a flight over to see her. DS is 10 so it’s not even an option as they wouldn’t take him and DD is 14 but I wouldn’t be at all comfortable sending her through an airport alone.
DM is fuming - I am ruining her break, ruining it for DC etc.

She is a very dedicated granny and the DC love her so AIBU for not allowing my DC to travel?

Putting aside the fact that your mother does not get to dictate something like this...

Does your daughter want to go?

Will your son feel hard done by?

If the answers are yes and no respectively, and you are just (understandably) anxious, I'd look at finding a way to make it work, but I think your daughters personality/confidence levels are more important than her age.

But if not, then your mum will just have to suck it up...can you go down the 'but DS will be so disappointed that it's just not fair on him/DD will have just started her GCSEs and needs to focus...' route to diffuse her a bit (not that you should have to but I have aeons of experience of difficult mothers/MILs)?

See I would normally say yes absolutely but right now with all the chaos at airports, long security lines risking missed flights, delays, cancellations I’m not sure I’d be happy with it either OP.

This. She can be as furious as she likes but she doesn’t get to dictate!

Mine did it all the time at that age and it’s very straight forward, they did however progress from
unaccompanied minor so they definitely felt ready.

I echo pp - it’s hard to go wrong in an airport, but you DD needs to want to do it, I wouldn’t force a child who is reluctant

My dd has travelled several times on her own - short haul and long haul. First time was to France when she was 14. She was literally only on her own on the the plane. She loved it.

I'd send my (shy, not very confident) 14 year old on a plane to Spain. I'd make sure I'd walk everything through with her.

But you need to ask your daughter what she thinks, if she doesn't want to, you can't make her.

So, given the assumption I’ve made about unreported assaults, the chance of being assaulted on a plane are about one in ten thousand

Incidentally, this is one of those occasions where an empty cliché turns out to be right on the money....

It's about the same as the chance of being struck by lightning.

health.howstuffworks.com/diseases-conditions/death-dying/odds-of-death.htm

You're right about this Google thing, @TheSoundOfLunch. It's brilliant. I think it might catch on.

Well she has no right to demand but I think for travelling alone a plane journey is pretty safe. You take her and see her go through to departure lounge, gran meets her coming through the gate at the other end. I'm not sure if she could get lost if she tried and I'd worry more about a long train journey.

One of mine went off at 10 but it was a service offered by the airline, he loved it. He came through at the end of the trip with a very attractive young steward pushing his luggage and him looking tanned and relaxed. Highlight of the year.

Flew alone 6 times a year from age 13 (to UK school - my parents lived abroad). Never officially accompanied but airports are pretty safe as there were always loads of security etc around. I knew to attract attaction from staff if any concerns.

The only long term impact it's had is that I'm comfortable travelling/holidaying abroad on my own which has given me loads of freedom (and some great adventures).

I would probably let my 14yo dd do this, if she wanted to, as she is sensible and independent. I would feel anxious about it but I feel anxious about a lot of things. It isn’t up to your mother though and she shouldn’t be making you feel bad.

We go away on long trips, and yes, I would let my 13-going-on-14 yo do a leg of the trip alone if need be.

I'd have her sharing her location on Whatsapp while she was in the airport alone (it's more reliable than Find My iPhone on family sharing, IMO), and she could stay in touch the whole time, so I'd know when she got a gate etc and would be able to talk to her if she got nervous or wasn't sure which way to go. I could also call her if I saw her NOT on the move towards her gate at the right time! That part would be my only concern, really. That, and going wild at Yo Sushi. 😜

I flew alone at 13 without an escort and lived to tell the tale, and that was in the dark ages with no mobile phones!

But you know your daughter and you know your own comfort zone. If your daughter isn't keen to do the trip alone, I would absolutely not make her.

My eldest son who is now 20 has been regularly flying solo to see his Dad since he was 14. Just a domestic flight within UK but no difference really as still had to go through security on his own etc. I actually think it was a good thing- he was a lot more mature and independent than some of his friends, some of whom really struggled when they went to uni because they'd never even travelled on a train alone. He had his mobile and he would let me know once he was at the boarding gate, I could track the flight and he would ring as soon as he was with his Dad the other end. There's very little can go wrong as long as your Mum makes sure she is on time to meet her straight from arrivals.

I don't think it really matters what others would do. If you're not comfortable with it then don't do it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm kind of assuming it's a UK to Spain direct flight, in which case I'd say you are definitely being unreasonable. Especially if you haven't even asked your 14 year old what they think and have unilaterally decided no. Different if it's from a far-flung place with lots of changes maybe.

Good grief. Unless your daughter actually wants to go, then there is no problem. Just say no. Does your mother always demand and get..?

I went as an unaccompanied minor at 12 to visit my French pen friend, was fine, it was 2 planes, I was met at one Paris airport by her aunt and cousin and had lunch at their apartment and they took me to the other paris airport to catch the internal flight to the south of France as an unaccompanied major again, it was fine and I did the reverse journey also.

Some of these responses are just ridiculous.

You don't want to send your 14 year old on a plane alone, that's enough of a reason. Our children are all different, they have different levels of comfort and experience.

It doesn't matter than other peoples children have been flying independently since they were a toddler.

You haven’t answered the question whether your daughter want to go.
I wouldn’t be happy about mother insisting she goes and fuming about it. Do you feel you can’t say no to her?

Look out for likely people/families in the checkout queue and ask them to keep an eye on her?

A friends son used to travel unaccompanied to and from Japan (often with transfers) at quite a young age to visit his father.

Obviously you know your dd better than anyone on here, if you don’t feel she would cope with the trip alone then don’t send her.

I personally think 14 is old enough to fly alone in these circumstances, however it rather depends on a number of factors... does your DD actually want to go? Is she quite a confident person? Is she quite sensible? I generally think flying is probably a safer option than say, a trip by train where there is an opportunity to get off at the wrong stop etc... and airports/flying is so strict these days anyway. It's easier to keep tabs on someone.

You go with her to the point where only passengers can go through. Stay at the airport until her flight goes - so she can text you to say she has a) reached her gate safely b) is boarding c) one last text to say she is on the plane (before switching her phone off/putting it in flight mode obviously) - then you can watch the departure boards which will tell you her flight has left. At the other end, her grandmother is waiting to collect her as soon as she goes through arrivals. She can text as soon as she lands... and you can check arrivals info for the airport too. It's actually pretty easy to keep tabs on where she is at the key points of the journey.

It's probably one time where I would look into options to make it a bit easier/smoother - ie. fast track option for security - that sort of thing. Costs more but I'd say worth it and appropriate in this situation. Book her seat if that is an option.

Has she flown many times with you/family members? If so then she should at least be somewhat familiar with airports and the general way of things. It's not going to be a completely alien/unfamiliar experience. Is it an airport she has been through before?

I don't know what airline it would be, but even if there isn't a specific unaccompanied minors service, I would expect most cabin crew to recognise that a young teen travelling alone for the first time might need a little extra support/help. I'm sure if your DD was unsure about anything they would be more than helpful - she can ask airport staff or cabin crew. In my experience most airport/plane personnel are pretty helpful.

In the unlikely event something happens on the plane with another passenger and it makes her nervous/uncomfortable, have a plan in place - (eg. goes to the loo, writes a note asking for assistance, discretely hands it to cabin crew - if she is unable to alert them via call button etc). No need to make it all scary etc... but just a simple plan of action so she has ideas/options of what to do. More likely than not she will get on the plane, stick some headphones in or whatever - and will arrive at her destination after a typically boring and uneventful flight.

I do think though that people often underestimate young people - many times when given that extra bit of responsibility/independence they rise to the occasion and actually come out of it feeling very proud of themselves. They are far more capable than people give them credit for.

Just seeing these replies yes my DD is keen to go, very much so.

Although my DM is very responsible and loving in a daytime environment she can drink to excess and I suppose that’s also in the back of my mind. The thought that my DD may be left with my DM drunk DM. I can’t remember a holiday when she hasn’t gotten drunk so I don’t know if I totally can trust her not to drink to excess

You know her best but I think she would be fine. Has she flown before? My 12yo would be fine, he can catch a bus on his own and although airports are busy I think he would manage it. When we have flown before he has been able to work out where the gate is, understood the information boards etc. You could probably find some you tube videos and maps of the terminal to look at before hand.

It is interesting how many people have or would do this. I know no one in real life.

Maybe I am a little overprotective, but thinking about it I just am not sure she would navigate it ok if anything went wrong

I would allow it at that age if DC wanted to. Dm however should not be demanding anything