To not want to send my just 14 year old DD on a plane alone

[Crestofawave2]

My DM is going to Spain this autumn for 2 months. She has done this a few times and usually I have gone over alone to visit for a few days or have brought my DC.

This year we have had lots of trips (Covid backlog) and with the DC have been on a 4 night city break with DM and the grandchildren (I paid)

I can’t go to Spain this year as I am short on holidays and have a couple of weddings etc towards the end of the year that require holidays and money.

DM is adamant that I send my DC alone on a flight over to see her. DS is 10 so it’s not even an option as they wouldn’t take him and DD is 14 but I wouldn’t be at all comfortable sending her through an airport alone.
DM is fuming - I am ruining her break, ruining it for DC etc.

She is a very dedicated granny and the DC love her so AIBU for not allowing my DC to travel?

Are your DC used to seeing her drunk? Does she drink when your DC are having sleepovers?

Ds1 flew alone at 13, and was totally fine, even with cancellations / landing at the wrong airport (we lived a flight away from his df, he’d been flying multiple times a year from age 4).
Ds2 I’d only really consider it now at just approaching 16 (less experience plus dyslexia making following directions harder, more likely to panic, but recently come on leaps and bounds).
So, leaving the dm issue out of it, it really depends on the child. And also how upset your ds would be to miss out.

I think you have decided to go with them, much as you would rather not.

My opinion would be no for the DD at 14 going, partly because of how disorganised some airports are.

Big drinking drip feed!!!!

Eh definitely a no from me. But that’s not for the flying it’s for the being around a pissed granny.

I think you are concerned about the wrong thing here.

It should be more - AIBU to allow my 14 year old (and potentially my 10 year old) to go on holiday with my heavily drinking mum who is pressurising me to do so?

I used to regularly fly from between the Netherlands and Britain from being 11! I was with my 9 year old sister the first time but the airline looked after us. If you don’t want her to go because of other reasons - fine but give her some independence - she will be better for it . She will be fine flying alone

@toomuchlaundry Yes she has done so on one or two occasions - when DC were older. She woke DD up to ‘chat’ once which is the type of thing I am worried about.

Yes they have seen her drunk, several times, it’s not comfortable for anyone but that’s a whole other story

My DD was younger than this when she went on a flight alone, dropped off by me, collected by a relative at the airport. She was keen to do so. Depends how anxious it would make DD? She may well find her confidence soars if she does it. Only her and yourself can call it OP. Good luck!

Your Daughter will be fine. She is 2 years away from being able to get married or join the army, she is not a baby.

I would be ignoring anyone 'adamant' about something which they have no right to be.
However, if your children want to go & you trust they would be well cared for then yes, a 14 & 10yr old are perfectly capable of taking the short flight to Spain.

@TheSoundOfLunch if you post a fact you should be willing to back it and not tell others to search for it

Could you fly out with them late Friday/return Sunday then she bring them back? You say flights are pricey but presumably you would avoid childcare/activity costs if they are with gm.

As airline staff and parent of a 15 year old who has missed out on a lot of teen experiences due to covid I’d say no. If something goes wrong she’s not old enough to check into a hotel herself etc. There is a lot of bull on this thread about very young children travelling successfully when clearly they would have been as unaccompanied minors so is totally different and gate passes which don’t even exist in the uk. Young people travel as adults and will not be looked after as suggested. Mainly though I wouldn’t allow it as both children could do it. Also PP you can’t get married at 16 anymore in England and Wales.

If in England or Wales children aged 16/17y can no longer get married.

There are also currently moved to raise the minimum age for joining the British army from 16 (currently able with parental permission) to 18, inline with nost other European countries.

You haven't mentioned if your dd actually wants to go or travel alone , because if she is even slightly unsure then its a no , if she wants to go then its a discussion to be had , but if your still not sure your her mum and you get to make the final decision not her grandmother

Reluctantly I let my DD, who was 13 and a half at the time, fly to France for a holiday with her penpal and family then they were driving to Spain. My anxiety was through the roof but my DD wanted to go so much. The flying part was fine, went with BA and they were very helpful at check-in etc and knew she was flying alone but she had a miserable time as the family wouldn't go out in the sun during the day and just stayed in the apartment because it was 'too hot' to go outside before 5pm apparently. She's 18 now, no longer friends with her French pal and won't ever eat paella as it triggers her 😂.
I'd be more worried about Granny getting drunk tbh.

My daughter is 14 next week and I would have absolutely no concerns what so ever with her being able to navigate the airport alone. In fact I'd go as far to say I would have happily allowed her to travel alone from age twelve! She's clever, intelligent and assertive though. I can imagine it's very much in an individual basis.

The issue isn't the flight it's the alcohol
not sure why you didn't put that in the OP?!

You’ve still not answered the question about how would your 10 year old feel?
Seems pretty unfair to me.

But your dc go regularly to your mums and you don't have an issue with the drinking then, I'm sure many 14 year olds have seen a parent / family member be a little tipsy etc,

In theory, yes, depending on the child. My 13 couldn’t do this next year but I imagine my 10 year would’ve fine when he is 13. But in light of your subsequent posts about drinking, I think maybe not.

Depends on the child, but I wouldn't say no as default.

Is she familiar with airports and how they work? There are often "walk through" videos on youtube of major airports, which she could watch to get an idea of the lay of the land.

You could hang around in the check-in area until you were sure she was in the air?

My 12 year old would be absolutely fine doing this. By 14 I wouldn't think twice tbh. Don't really see what could go wrong as long as they get to gate on time Airports are pretty safe places to be!

@CeeceeBloomingdale That’s my perspective also. I travel a lot for work and whereas it’s been mostly fine, sometimes it hasn’t been and I need to know that my DD can cope if a flight lands somewhere unexpected , is delayed for hours (more common than not at the moment) I am not confident in that right now

You take her to the airport, get her checked in, make sure the airline is aware she’s unaccompanied, send her on her way and then grandma meets her at the other end. She will be fine. She’s presumably been on a plane many times before; it’s not she doesn’t know what to do.

I was flying transatlantic solo from the age of 6 - unaccompanied minor until 12 and then by myself following that. I think she'll be fine. Airports are very well signposted, wave her off at security (make sure everything is correctly packaged) and then as long as she's sensible she can't really go wrong. Maybe hang around until the flight takes off so you're there in case of cancellation, prepare her for delays etc but as others have said she'll be off travelling with friends in a few years and it will be incredibly beneficial for her to have had a gentle introduction to flying alone beforehand.