Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

18 year old son going on holiday with his mum and step dad ?

282 replies

Sharlsharkshark · 09/07/2022 10:05

First holiday abroad since 2019 and I invited my son along. He usually comes and it’s not usually an issue. This time I sensed my partner didn’t want him there. He didn’t speak to my son For most of the holiday and tried to exclude him a few times. I was really upset by this. It ended up with me and my son relaxing by the pool most days. I didn’t raise anything with my partner as I didn’t want to spoil the mood anymore than it was. We have now returned home and we’re not speaking only because I said we need a chat when we get back home. Was I being unreasonable to bring my son?

OP posts:
Ivgotasecretcanyoukeepit · 09/07/2022 16:11

Sharlsharkshark · 09/07/2022 10:09

he broke my heart when he said mum I feel like a spare part. I’m utterly annoyed with my partner.

Oh wow if one of my children said this I would be utterly furious and upset that my partner had made them feel this way.
it would be the end for me. From your updates he sounds awful, sullen and childish. Hopefully
you see sense and end the relationship.

wellhelloitsme · 09/07/2022 16:12

HumptyDumpty2022 · 09/07/2022 15:56

There’s a lot of missing information. Did he know you were bringing him? Who paid? How long have you been together? Your son is an adult and your partner may not have wanted a holiday with him.

He absolutely knew she was bringing him, if you read all OP's posts it's 100% clear he did:

I said I’m going to book a holiday for us three to go away.

Yes I told him my son was coming.

Yes I told my partner he was coming. I didn’t spring it on him. I also gave him the choice whether he wanted to come or not as I only booked it last minute.

And if OP's partner wasn't happy about it he had every opportunity to sit the holiday or use his big boy words and explain why he wanted a holiday just the two of them.

Not go on the holiday and while there be a dick to OP's son making him feel unwanted and sidelined. And ignored.

And then refuse to talk about it when he got home too!

Honestly I don't know how people can have read OP's posts and not think her boyfriend sounds like a petulant little arsehole!

IWentAwayIStayedAway · 09/07/2022 16:24

and why are you with 'd' p?

HumptyDumpty2022 · 09/07/2022 16:25

The son could also be considered a petulant a hole? I’m responding to @wellhelloitsme.
Its a regional thing but I don’t understand why adults want to tag along to their parents holiday like the kids they once were? Why isn’t an 18 yr old out with his mates having fun with them?.

BotterMon · 09/07/2022 16:26

Surely you mean your ex-DP after that? He sounds very childish and rather nasty.

Spohn · 09/07/2022 16:27

Why are you choosing to be with a male who is ‘rude and disrespectful’, who stonewalls you and treats your son like shit? Are you really so desperate to have a boyfriend? Keep this scumbag away from your poor kid.

Bertieboo82 · 09/07/2022 16:28

Op own words to describe her partner Disgusting attitude

It is dead in the water so don’t prolong it

Bertieboo82 · 09/07/2022 16:29

Your son is going to think either

a) his mother doesn’t have a spine
or
b) this is how you treat women and they’re absolutely fine with it

and definitely c - your love life is more important than your son

Bertieboo82 · 09/07/2022 16:30

Your son sounds a bit of a wet dishcloth though.

Surely of an age when he could have said something to your partner

wellhelloitsme · 09/07/2022 16:30

HumptyDumpty2022 · 09/07/2022 16:25

The son could also be considered a petulant a hole? I’m responding to @wellhelloitsme.
Its a regional thing but I don’t understand why adults want to tag along to their parents holiday like the kids they once were? Why isn’t an 18 yr old out with his mates having fun with them?.

Sorry what possible indication is there that OP's son is a petulant arsehole or anything of the sort?! Are you not reading her posts properly or something?

Bertieboo82 · 09/07/2022 16:32

HumptyDumpty2022 · 09/07/2022 16:25

The son could also be considered a petulant a hole? I’m responding to @wellhelloitsme.
Its a regional thing but I don’t understand why adults want to tag along to their parents holiday like the kids they once were? Why isn’t an 18 yr old out with his mates having fun with them?.

Do all mumsnetters like the same type of holiday? All mumsnetters have awful relationships with their parents? All mumsnetters like to socialise and holiday with others?

No. the fact you’re 18 doesn’t mean you are the same 18 year as you were! Odd you need that explained to you

wellhelloitsme · 09/07/2022 16:32

HumptyDumpty2022 · 09/07/2022 16:25

The son could also be considered a petulant a hole? I’m responding to @wellhelloitsme.
Its a regional thing but I don’t understand why adults want to tag along to their parents holiday like the kids they once were? Why isn’t an 18 yr old out with his mates having fun with them?.

I don’t understand why adults want to tag along to their parents holiday like the kids they once were? Why isn’t an 18 yr old out with his mates having fun with them?

Plenty of people on this thread alone have said they did similar to OP's son at that age and plenty of others have said their own kids that age join them.

It's really not unusual at all so I'm surprised you seem genuinely shocked by the concept, even if it's not something you've personally done or would do.

People don't only have fun one week per year. You can have a fun week's holiday with family and still have loads of other fun times with your mates. Very strange you don't seem to get that!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 09/07/2022 16:40

To be fair, if this was the other way round (my boyfriend has invited me on a holiday, I'm so excited, I'm looking forward to having a romantic time etc etc) and then the boyfriend sprung his 18 yr old son into the mix at the last minute, I suggest you wouldn't be best pleased either!!!!

Exactly - though I do agree it's the way the OH behaved actually on the holiday and since that's the issue

If he didn't think it was going to work he'd have been wiser to turn it down, or better still OP could have said it was just for her and DS (which from the sound of things it'll probably be in future)

BigSandyBalls2015 · 09/07/2022 16:41

Times have changed, I had my last family holiday with my parents at 15. I did start going away with my mum in my late 20s after my dad died.

These days loads of late teens/20s/30s go away with their parents. My two (21) are always welcome and I also enjoy hols with just DH.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 09/07/2022 16:42

They also go away with partners/mates 🤷🏼‍♀️

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 09/07/2022 16:44

It's sad how a few women here are so proud of caring more about their vagina than their child.

wellhelloitsme · 09/07/2022 16:46

People are still saying perhaps he was surprised / disappointed / unaware the son was coming too...

They aren't reading OP's posts, which are very clear!

Yes I told my partner he was coming. I didn’t spring it on him. I also gave him the choice whether he wanted to come or not as I only booked it last minute.

this is the first family holiday since lockdown. This was never a couples holiday. My son is Welcome to come away with me anytime. I’m fortunate to be able to afford family and couples holidays. This was not put out there as a couples holiday.

I said I’m going to book a holiday for us three to go away.

THisbackwithavengeance · 09/07/2022 16:50

I think if you were with a man who had without consultation brought his 18 year along DS on what you thought would be a romantic couples holiday, the answers you would've received would be very different.

Nonetheless, there is nothing worse than a mardy arse sulker so I'm guessing the relationship is over?

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 09/07/2022 16:53

Bin him off

Irs not unusual for an 18 year old to go on holiday with their parent. Mu 19 year old is still happy to go away with me. He also goes away with his mates

It's not an 18 year olds responsibility to confront his mums boyfriend about his shitty behaviour

ImpartialMongoose · 09/07/2022 16:54

Surely you would agree as a couple that you would invite him? I realise it's not been an issue before, but perhaps your partner thought that at 18, your son is old enough to stay home and let you both have a holiday as a couple. If your partner wasn't consulted then I can understand why this made him feel grumpy, perhaps he had been looking forward to some alone time with you. It's a lot of money and precious holiday time wasted if one do you isn't doing what they wanted.

Bertieboo82 · 09/07/2022 16:55

THisbackwithavengeance · 09/07/2022 16:50

I think if you were with a man who had without consultation brought his 18 year along DS on what you thought would be a romantic couples holiday, the answers you would've received would be very different.

Nonetheless, there is nothing worse than a mardy arse sulker so I'm guessing the relationship is over?

Ha! No way.

it will limp on. More resentment and drama, kids dragged in to it, and general unpleasantness.

ImpartialMongoose · 09/07/2022 16:56

Sorry, just saw your update, ignore my last post.

Shgytfgtf111 · 09/07/2022 17:05

Bertieboo82 · 09/07/2022 16:30

Your son sounds a bit of a wet dishcloth though.

Surely of an age when he could have said something to your partner

What a stupid comment.

EsmeSusanOgg · 09/07/2022 17:09

YANBU OP. Hope your son is ok?

Bertieboo82 · 09/07/2022 17:09

Shgytfgtf111 · 09/07/2022 17:05

What a stupid comment.

Show quote history

if we were in holiday with my child and partner and the partner was grumpy, giving me the silent treatment and engaging in such behaviour as He told my son where the straws were. I agreed and said Yh grab a straw as glasses might be dirty. I ended up with a tummy bug the night before hence why I agreed to get a straw. Then he turns on me. I reminded him that he’s the one telling him to get a straw not me. That’s when he said I fuss over him a lot. Totally weird behaviour

my son would undoubtedly as him why he was being so withdrawn.

my son is 11.

Not that he would ever have to do that because I would never ever ever be on holiday with a partner who treated myself or dared to treat my son like this. At 8, 18 or 48