Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why won’t my SIL who’s staying this week let me be alone in the AM?

165 replies

Kidsaretryingtodestroyme · 09/07/2022 08:27

I’m pissed off anyway as DH gave me 3 days warning SIL and BIL were coming over from abroad for a week to stay.

Routine 1 disrupted: I’ve got an extremely demanding job, work 3 days from home and they are sleeping in back bedroom which is my office meaning I have to work from kitchen table.

Routine 2 disrupted: I’m a terrible sleeper so have a habit of going downstairs at 3am to make myself a hot drink in the hope it will make me go back to sleep. After day 1 she commented she heard me going downstairs i.e I woke her so I can’t go downstairs anymore so instead lie in my hot bedroom unable to settle.

Routine 3 disrupted: Every morning I try to get up and have a coffee before my 2 primary aged kids and DH get up (when I can as youngest is usually in my room for 6.30am). Just 5 minutes me time. This is because, probably connected to my poor sleeping , I’m pretty grumpy in the morning. I do not want to interact. However, as soon as she hears me stir in my room, getting up to put on my dressing gown she leaps out of bed to put kettle on and empty dishwasher. When I get downstairs she’s asking me if I slept well and other morning small talk bull shit. I’m seriously not in the mood today because due to the heat (which I love in the daytime) and being confined to my room at night being unable to wander I’ve had about 2 hours sleep.

Not a big overnight houseguests fan anyway as I can’t stand having to make myself look presentable as soon as I get up.

I just want to scream. Give me some fucking space in my kitchen for 5 -10 minutes so I can sort myself out and become a friendly person. Fuck off!!!!!! How do I get her to stay on her room for a bit in the AM without being rude? I’m so tired I know my tone will be off.

OP posts:
zafferana · 09/07/2022 08:29

YANBU, but I'm not sure what you can do about it without being rude to your SIL. You could maybe say 'Sorry, I'm not very chatty in the morning until I've had my coffee', but for a week I'd honestly just smile and nod and count the days until they leave!

litlealligator · 09/07/2022 08:30

It sounds like she's trying to be really helpful and friendly if she's getting up to help make a hot drink and do the dishwasher. Just be nice, it's only a week. If you should be angry with anyone about the disruption it's your DH not your SIL.

Flederjo · 09/07/2022 08:32

To your first point - can you just go into work every day this week instead of 3 days at home?
To the second, it's your bloody house, get up in the night and make your hot drink! She should wear earplugs if she's a light sleeper.

IncompleteSenten · 09/07/2022 08:32

I'd still go downstairs in the night.

As for the mornings.
Tell her.
Can you give me ten minutes in the morning please. I really need to have a few minutes alone before I start my day.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 09/07/2022 08:33

Ok so
don't stop making a drink in the nighttime. If she hears you so what?
and in the morning make your coffee and take it back to bed. I know it's not the same but do it anyway.
finally give it to your DH both barrels for springing this on you and make sure he never does it again. What a twat.

SandieCollins · 09/07/2022 08:33

litlealligator · 09/07/2022 08:30

It sounds like she's trying to be really helpful and friendly if she's getting up to help make a hot drink and do the dishwasher. Just be nice, it's only a week. If you should be angry with anyone about the disruption it's your DH not your SIL.

This

CoffeeBeansGalore · 09/07/2022 08:33

Can you get dh up to make you a coffee to drink in bed, in peace? Let him deal with her wittering as he invited them.

saveforthat · 09/07/2022 08:34

I don't understand why you stopped going downstairs in the night if you want to, so she heard you, so what. It's your house.

RioDJ · 09/07/2022 08:38

Do you have a garden? Could you take your coffee outside and just tell her you need a few mins and a coffee before you feel human in the morning?

Hurstlandshome · 09/07/2022 08:40

litlealligator · 09/07/2022 08:30

It sounds like she's trying to be really helpful and friendly if she's getting up to help make a hot drink and do the dishwasher. Just be nice, it's only a week. If you should be angry with anyone about the disruption it's your DH not your SIL.

Yep, this. I hate staying over at anyone's house, but when I have, on hearing them get up I've tended to feel a bit guilty lying in. Maybe she feels the same and is over compensating.

Alwayspaintyournails · 09/07/2022 08:40

I agree she is trying to be helpful… but I assume you are like me and actually just not a fan of having guests to stay. I like time to come to in the morning, I like to potter around in my dressing gown and face oil looking like I slept in a swamp!

When did your DH know they were planning a trip? I would be royally pissed off at him.

Get up and make your drink through the night, you need whatever sleep you can get.

billy1966 · 09/07/2022 08:42

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 09/07/2022 08:33

Ok so
don't stop making a drink in the nighttime. If she hears you so what?
and in the morning make your coffee and take it back to bed. I know it's not the same but do it anyway.
finally give it to your DH both barrels for springing this on you and make sure he never does it again. What a twat.

This.

How disrespectful of your twatty DH to invite people and give you 3 days notice.

A week too🙄

How do marriages survive this shit?

I would leave him to do ALL hosting.

ludocris · 09/07/2022 08:44

YABU. She's here for a week so can't be many more days. As PP have said, sounds like she's trying to be helpful and chatty.

That said, I would be furious with my DH if I was given three days notice of a one week stay. And I would also be absolutely desperate for my privacy back. But it's not SIL's fault.

11Hawkins · 09/07/2022 08:44

"Sorry I'm not a chatty person first thing in the morning, I need silence while I drink my coffee."

And don't stop going down at night, it's your home not hers!

SickKid · 09/07/2022 08:46

Grumpy tiredness is horrible, you have my sympathies. As pp have said, if you want to getup in the night, then do. It's your house. I'd also say something along the lines of, "Look, please don't feel you have to get up when you hear me come down, I'm not a morning person and need 10 minutes on my own to feel vaguely human."

2u2me2me2u · 09/07/2022 08:47

saveforthat · 09/07/2022 08:34

I don't understand why you stopped going downstairs in the night if you want to, so she heard you, so what. It's your house.

This!

I wouldn’t stop doing things in my house just because I’ve got guests. Also, if she’s happy to point out you wake her by getting up I’m sure she won’t be offended if you say what pp said, you need 10 mins alone time in the mornings! Also agree, it’s just a week, I’d put up with it for a week.

SeasonFinale · 09/07/2022 08:47

One way round the work issue would be for you and DH to sleep in that room and give up your room I suppose or go into work.

Still go to the loo if you need. If she wakes up so what.

Get DH to bring you a drink in the morning.

Jedsnewstar · 09/07/2022 08:48

1- Go into the office
2- Go downstairs anyway
3-Make a cup of coffee, go back to your bedroom. ‘I have washing to put away, need to pluck my eyebrows/stray bikini line, have an email to send for work’ or my favourite ‘be back in a sec’.

TedMullins · 09/07/2022 08:49

Don’t stop getting up in the night. If she hears you she’ll have to deal with it. For the mornings, say ‘you really don’t have to get up when I do. I actually love my alone time first thing so please let me have that’. You don’t need to make yourself presentable as soon as you’re up, it’s your house! Just keep doing all the things you’d still do if she wasn’t there. She sounds a bit full on though, no way would I be getting up at 6 in a friend’s house just because they did!

Heroicallyl0st · 09/07/2022 08:49

Try communicating with her? Maybe she’s just keen to be helpful and to spend time with you, and understandably she’s doing that in ways you don’t appreciate, but your relationship won’t progress and feel comfortable to you both unless you tell her how you’re feeling.

with the home office thing - perhaps in future a hotel would be better for them if you have to work from home. Again, communicate with your DH and family about why this time didn’t work for you and what you need in future.

pinkyredrose · 09/07/2022 08:50

Why didn't your husband ask you if it was ok for them to stay?

ShirleyPhallus · 09/07/2022 08:51

I can’t even imagine how unwelcome you’re making her feel. Do people really treat their families like this? Do husbands really only give their wives 3 days notice of a week of house guests?

Its all so weird

Pegasushaswings · 09/07/2022 08:53

This is more to do with your DH inviting them last minute. Get up if you need to and maybe make a flask of hot coffee so you can drink it in your bedroom in the morning- would that work? I think she’s just trying to be helpful, when I’m a guest I hate lying in in case it looks like I’m being lazy or expecting to be waited on!

Original poster
Kidsaretryingtodestroyme · 09/07/2022 08:53

I know she’s trying to be helpful and I also know she gave DH more notice than he gave me. She’s doing nothing wrong. I’m just so fricking tired that I’m focusing on the wrong target. The whole thing’s winding me up but for some reason the morning thing kicks me off in a bad mood. It feels like I’m being forced to switch ‘on’ before I’m ready so it starts the whole day from a negative point. If I knew I could even have a daytime powernap I could handle it but I can’t - I’ve tried. Once the day starts it’s 100mph till kids gone to bed or I’ve finished work. Just 5-10 minutes to get mentally ready is all I want. I could cry.

However, I will heed the advice on here. I’ll ask DH to bring my coffee and I’ll resume my nighttime routine. He has already apologised for the situation. Re going into the office more. I did plan to do this but in all honesty I’ve been waking up so exhausted this week after having really poor sleep that I couldn’t face it so kept my normal pattern. Easier to drink coffee and feel half alive and not have to get dressed up and travel. I tend to start to feel normal by 10ish after 2 coffees if I’ve slept poorly.

OP posts:
Snailsaresweet · 09/07/2022 08:55

Its really hard if you're a guest and you don't know what the morning routine of a house is. I'm a relatively early riser, and I always lie there, listening for noises from downstairs and wondering when its appropriate to come down and join people. You don't want to get in the way but you also don't want to hold things up by being in bed when the rest of the household is up and about. So, why not give her a bit of a briefing next time?

Swipe left for the next trending thread